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Kayden Kross Blog

Sick Leave

Well I'm sick and completely at peace with it. My body has
wanted to be sick for so long that I was beginning to think I was denying it
something vital like food or sleep. For months I felt like something was
tugging at the hem of the various porn-short skirts I was sporting for
conventions, for signings, for shoots, pulling at it in urgency like a toddler
or a Senior at prom. I'd get chills or a fever, sneeze for a few days and bat
it away. I was constantly starting to get sick but never finishing because I
had to be in Paris for Hot D'or and I had to be in Providence and Boston and
Philly and New Jersey and New York and Florida and we were shooting the last
movies of my contract and then Bam!--Tiger Woods has the best affair that I'm
not involved in that I've ever had. So we worked that in too and patted
ourselves on the back for being a part of the cleverest title of the year,
"Tiger's Wood". Then there is my website, the happy black hole of content and
live shows and chatboard activity. ClubKayden never dies.
Somewhere in there Thanksgiving happened. Christmas. New
Years. I don't know how but I managed to make the family rounds and keep the
peace. When I ran out of time I wrapped gifts in the bags they were bought in
and sent texts instead of cards. I got snowed in in Rhode Island and even
though I was wearing LA winter clothes as a token fight against an east coast
blizzard I managed to fight the cold back then too. Instead I spent my time
catching up on blogs for unkrossed.com--the other content black hole in my life.
An entire semester came and went. I worked on a term paper for three days
straight, two of which were spent staring at the screen and tweeting about it
and one of which was driven purely by coffee and hot chocolate until the sun
rose and it was due and I wrapped up the final sentence, spell checked, and
turned it in.
In October I was given the honor of cohosting the 2010 AVN
awards with Kirsten Price. I showed up at the AVN office sniffling and coughing
and wearing a thermal shirt with my hair tied back and they ambushed me with
the surprise right before putting Kirsten in all of her perfection next to me
and telling us to say cheese. I smiled, and once again put the cold on the back
burner. With cohosting came the Howard Stern show, the photo shoots, the BTS,
the sketches and the rehearsals. I took a few media classes along the way to
catch up. I obsessed over dresses for two months only to switch gears and get
the three I wore on the day of the show. Sleep was moved to the back burner as
There was the contract switch. Adam and Eve to Digital
Playground. With that came it's own set of things that didn't give me time to
finally be sick. AVN was always around the corner, no matter what day of what
month it was. In fact, AVN 2011 is already around the corner right now. I
wanted to fulfill all of the responsibilities I had to AE while at the same
time proving to DP that I intended to work my ass off for them as well. I was
told by a third party to step up my game, dress sharper, be more visible. I
shopped. A fourth party stressed the importance of responding to emails. I
looked at my Facebook inbox for the first time in 8 months. I took a deep
breath and dove in. Interviews about the company switch and the hosting and the
Tiger Parody and the Best American Starlet award from Paris poured into my
regular email account and I jumped on that too. My mom filled my voicemail box
with messages wondering where I was. I was on the computer.
So AVN came and it felt like I blinked and it was gone.
Dinners and clubs every night and signings and interviews every day. Hosting
the awards show was one of the highlights of my whole career. I hit the make up
chair at 8 every morning and the pillow about 3 every morning with the alarm
set for 7 and every time it went off I stared at the ceiling blinking and
wondering when it was all going to hit me because I felt way too good for what
I was putting myself through. The convention ended Sunday. Monday I was laid
out in bed like I'd barely survived a back alley bar fight. Tuesday too, and
Wednesday and today.  I got the
works--fevers, chills, aches, sinus and respiratory with a hint of the sexy
Phoebe voice. I'm calling it the AVN flu because I always get it after this
convention and our industry loves puns and wordplay. I can't seem to figure out
how to handle the sick time off so I'm filling my day with small tasks, things
that have been on my list for a year or so. I needed a new phone because
technology is not my friend so I picked up my third iPhone last night. I hadn't
synced the thing in a year though. As the new one synced to what I had in my
phone last year I sorted through emails and opened one that said it had been
awhile since I'd blogged on Xcritic. Maybe make it regular? So I opened up the
calendar on my phone to put in a reminder and it was still set to November 08
(where there was already a reminder that I was late for my Xcritic blog) and in
order to get to the current month I had to flip through January 09, then
February, March and on and on. It felt like I was able to flip through them as
quickly as they had actually gone and as I landed on mid January 2010 I
scheduled in an Xcritic blog and another solid week to be sick, and that's all
my body gets for the year. Xcritic will be getting more than just mandatory
sick leave though. I do solemnly swear.
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