Talking it Out
One of the most amazing things about my
wife is that if there is something I want to discuss with her or work
on changing in our relationship or even just something fun to add to
the bedroom I can just tell her that I want to address it, give her a
few weeks, and she'll come back to me with a pretty well thought out
response. And its usually exactly what I was hoping for. She's not so
great at the shit-that's-happening-right-now stuff, but she is great
with the longterm stuff.
For example: foot fetishes. A few
months ago I decided that I wanted to be getting regular pedicures
because I found this great place that had awesome massage chairs and
rubbed my feet and calves. Also, I like having pretty feet. Sure I
can justify doing this regularly because I definitely need the
relaxation, but its even more fun if my wife also has a foot fetish.
I told her it would be awesome if she could acquire one and we could
work on it together. A couple weeks go by and she tells me that she
has been fantasizing about my feet non-stop. Before she had just
thought that my feet were cute, but now, now they were hot. She had
thought of foot worship, kissing and licking my feet, and even foot
penetration. She's just great like that.
A couple weeks ago I had brought up the
possibility of opening up our relationship. I really didn't expect
her to have thought about it that much or to even bring it up again.
She tends to be pretty darn jealous, which can be cute or annoying
depending on the situation. But several times this weekend she
actually brought it up to me. And she's thinking positively!
One of our biggest concerns about our
relationship is the fact that many many relationships end because a
partner cheats. We do not want this to happen to us. And we realize
how extremely unlikely it is that we'd be able to remain completely
monogamous for the rest of our lives. One way to circumvent this is
to have a more open relationship where we may not necessarily seek
out sexual relationships with others, but if they happen they happen.
But we will see what the future holds.
She actually was a little excited about
the prospect of opening up our relationship. It turns out, not so
surprisingly, that she'd really like to see a professional dominatrix
and possibly an escort (believe it or not, just to talk to). Both of
these would be pretty far down the line though as we wouldn't be able
to fit such things into our budget.
We talked about the possibility of
setting guidelines as well. For me, I can be totally okay with my
wife seeing other women, but I always need to feel like I am the most
important. Not feeling like the most important person in her life is
actually what drove us into monogamy in the first place. The rules I
have in mind so far include always making it home in time to sleep
with each other (when not out of town obviously) and she wouldn't be
allowed to have sex with my friends. However, her rules are a bit
different because we have a very different view of our friendships
and how they coexist in our relationship. I had to actually ask her
if it was okay if I had sex with her friends and unsurprisingly, she
said she would prefer me to have sex with her friends. We also talked
about the fact that we would have to use protection with all of our
other partners. Protection would include condoms, gloves, and dams.
There are other guidelines that need to be set, but we've just
started the process.
For those of you in open relationships,
what rules/guidelines have you set?