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Garnet Joyce


My Mother Shows Concern



There are pros and cons to being a non-anonymous blogger. I love when my friends and family comment on my blogs or tell me how something I wrote really changed their perspectives on something or just that they learned something new. Its great. But then there are the cons. Like my mother reading the intro blog I wrote on here and then emailing me all the reasons that I shouldn't be in a non-monogamous relationship. I understand she is concerned because she doesn't want me to get hurt, but when it comes to stuff like that it feels a little bit like she is butting in. I mean I don't give her relationship advice.

In general my mother is a very progressive sex positive person. Heck, she produced me. But in some ways shes still a bit on the traditional side. The fact is that infidelity in marriage is so common that it seems that we really need to rethink our ideas of marriage. I love my wife and I don't want the desire to stray to be what breaks us up since it seems to be such a prevalent factor in the dissolution of marriages.

Anyways, my mother emailed me on facebook to let me know of her concerns. All of them were valid. And this was my response:

This is something that my wife and I have discussed off and on for the entirety of our relationship as something that may end up happening down the line. We both realize that complete monogamy is pretty much impossible if we want our relationship to work in the real long term. A lot of people cheat and a lot of marriages are broken up over it. We do not want infidelity to get in the way of a long and happy marriage. Therefore we have decided to start the opening up process before its even a pressing issue. Neither of us really has the desire to have sex with anyone else currently. However, I expect that to change especially as we explore other parts of our sexuality as a couple and individually.

We both realize that non-monogamy requires a lot of communication, but that's something we're both really good at. We spend our time communicating all the time. Sometimes it's draining, but other times it's really rewarding.

And who says that a stable relationship can't be a non-monogamous one? I really feel like a lot of people are moving in this direction and I think it is a good and realistic one to head. Sure there are issues that will arise, but that's why we're taking the time to talk about it beforehand and will continue to talk about it as we delve in. It may or may not work for us, but it's something we both want to try.

My job may bore me to tears, but I have a lot of other pursuits that keep my mind pretty active and engaged. Might I remind you that I work at a sex shop and now have two blogs. I also write reviews for Babeland, XCritic, Tristan Taormino, Lelo, Emotional Bliss, Rachel Kramer Bussel, and soon JTs Stockroom too. And I read countless blogs on my way too and from work and at lunch. I also have a netbook so I spend most of my lunches at work writing. Heck I've even written a porn screenplay.

Its more likely that my monogamy bores me. I've never had sex with only one person for this long of a period of time. And my libido is definitely suffering because of it and because of my busy schedule.

I know you're just concerned about me, but keep in mind that I think things through pretty thoroughly usually.

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