It's not the truck, it's me. It's LA. Its the parking garages
with their 6'6" clearances and the fucking 12-inch red zones between zoned curb
parking that leaves me hanging illegally over at both ends. It's the valets who
turn me away or charge me double and the rare uncovered parking lot that I
can't back out of once I manage to squeeze in. It's the fact that my parking
spot is compact.
I like driving this beast though. For the life of me I can't
figure out how I haven't been pulled over. I think cops give giant work trucks
a pass. They definitely see me. I've lost count of the number of times I've had
one approach me on foot while my heart raced and I wondered what exactly he saw
me do. All they ever want is to know whether it's diesel, how I like it, what I
tow. For all the red lights I've run, the illegal u-turns I've made, and the
bullying tactics I've employed to change lanes, it would only make sense that
somewhere along the line I would've caught the eye of a cop with a quota to
fill. It's California. We're broke.
But they don't care how I drive. They drain me in the form
of parking tickets when I'm not around to answer obvious questions about my
vehicle. It's cowardly really. You should know it costs $300 to park in a bus
zone, even a temporary one with no visible sign.
It's $80 to park between 3 and 5 am on many streets
downtown, except Sunday, and you'll be towed from 7-9 am, with an additional
$80 ticket. It's $60 if your meter expires. And loading zones vary.
It's the drive-thrus and all of the times I've panicked
because my wheels got stuck coming around the corner. It's the frequency with
which I automatically retract my tow mirrors to squeeze by. It's the number of
people who have to ask why I have a truck before they even ask my name. I have
a truck because go fuck yourself.
Actually I have a truck because I bought it as a second
vehicle to tow my horse when I lived in San Diego. The car was for everything
else. And two weeks after I bought the truck someone rear-ended the car and
they made it a total loss. I never got around to replacing it. Then I moved to
LA with its size 0 road systems and I bought a loft downtown with exactly 1
parking spot. And now I'm sitting here paying off another round of parking
tickets in defeat, doing the math and realizing it would be cheaper to have a
second car payment so I can just park in parking garages, and that's sad. The
truck will have to go. It hurts now, but it's for the best.