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Kayden Kross Blog

Small Victories

I hopped in a cab at 4 am with the kind of begrudging
fortitude that is sometimes the only strength I can summon to make it through
the DUI hours on the morning side of it. By morning, I mean I'm on the waking
side of 4 am. I did get an hour of sleep after all.  In retrospect I would have been better off just continuing
through my night until the plane took off. I would have been even better off if
I'd actually looked at my itinerary and ignored the advice of the hotel
employees that I knew in my gut was wrong all along. I knew I didn't need an
hour to get to the airport at that time in the morning and I should have known
my flight left 40 minutes later than I thought.
Now I'm stuck at JFK watching people consume McDonald's for
breakfast and contemplating the placebo effect as they continue on about their
business powered by what was just passed as food. I'll be doing this for
another 2 hours with bitterness over the lost sleep opportunity.
I landed in NYC early Tuesday morning. 8 radio shows, 5 sets
for my site, 2 youtube videos and the combined number of Starbucks runs later
I'm realizing I'm just getting started. I'll sleep on the plane of course, on a
direct flight to LAX where I'll shower and turn around for a mainstream
opportunity that came up.... where I'll balance spreading my name liberally with
flying under the radar. At 4pm I have my first rehearsal for a part in a play I
picked up, just in time to actually perform in it tonight and Saturday.
Tomorrow has it's own set of small necessary things. I leave for Romania Sunday
for 2 weeks. Packing is in order.
I'd like to turn off my schedule and turn around and head
back to the hotel. It's my favorite hotel in one of my favorite cities. I'm out
here promoting my Penthouse cover. I'd like to promote it for another 6 months
or so. I could go through the same radio questions where they ask about my
family and my future, my goals. I'll keep joking with them in that
I'm-actually-completely-serious-but-its-too-ridiculous-to-be-credible way. I
really do want to be a card-carrying member of the AARP in 50 years. And I
really do want to settle into the stride of New York, find someone to play the
odd couple with, and live out my own private sitcom for a while.
I was amazed at how many radio shows wanted me to lay out 5,
10, and 20 year life plans live for the consideration of millions. One show
wanted my 50 year. I've never met anyone with a 50 year plan that wasn't some
variation of sitting on the porch or walking in the park hand-in-hand with the
one true love. Goals feel private and vulnerable. I don't need people telling
me to aim higher or lower or even straight. I know what I want and I adjust
according to what I think I need to do to get it. Then sometimes new
opportunities come up and I want more or different, and I adjust again and keep
going, and this may happen a million times before I stick to something but the
fact is I never drop the ball on my future and that's all the world needs to
know. In the meantime, I feel comfortable saying that if I can just get through the weekend without collapsing from exhaustion I'll have succeeded in the short term.
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