I went on a little adventure for the last ten days to the middle of nowhere. Me and three friends took a road trip from Denver to South Dakota where we danced in the middle of farm land for rich men that hunted pheasants. Apparently this is the highlight of their year, but I can't judge considering the highlight of MY year is... hmmm... I don't have one... well then, exactly, I can't judge. I feel like I was a little farmer girl in a past life because the whole midwest, farm house and cows thing really intrigues me, and this is probably why I was able to have so much fun on our trip with a new little friend.
Before I tell you about my new friend I will explain that he is similar to the little gnome that people like to bring around and take pictures with wherever they go. Here is an example of the traveling gnome:
My little friend's name is Me-So-Corny.
Yes, he is a "corn husk" shape of caramel popcorn, but I am such a pervert, my first thought was to strap a condom on that thing and...... so anyway, I grew a liking to the thing and decided to bring him with me everywhere on the trip. Here are a few of Me-So-Corny's adventures.
Look! Me-So-Corny and I made it to Nebraska! This is where I purchased him right before we got lost. Fortunately, we only went 30 miles in the wrong direction.
Here I made an attempt to deep throat Me-So-Corny along side of a tractor in the middle of the night. Sounds like a horror porno, and it especially sounds like one after some creepy truck pulled up behind us while we were pulled over. I ran screaming to the car and told my girlfriend to step on the gas before we got kidnapped and taken to a scary cabin and tortured and forced to have anal sex with Me-So-Corny. Maybe I've watched too many scary movies and the creepy truck just wanted to stop and tell me to get the hell off his tractor. I guess we'll never know.
We finally made it to Valentine, Nebraska, which was only an hour away from our destination, when I demanded we stop because I was starving. After being so disappointed that the restaurant was closed, the old, nice, drunk gentlemen who were there after hours told us to stay. They made the chef make us something to eat. Yummy, a Fat Tire beer and a turkey sandwich with potato chips it was. I thought Me-So-Corny felt left out, so I included him in our fun.
Yay! We got to South Dakota just in time to be too late to dance that night. Oh well, I was sleepy from the beers anyways. We had a nice middle aged couple let us all stay at their place for the days we were dancing. The couple was SO nice that the wife wanted to have sex with me, and the owner of the bar offered to pay me to pleasure her. I of course declined due to the feeling of awkward circumstances, but I'm sure she'll have another crazy, hot porn star staying in her basement again with three other hot chicks in no time at all. This is a pic of Me-So-Corny and I posing with one of the many dead animals they had in their garage.
Because the town we were in was so small and everything closes at 2 pm, we had to travel thirty miles in order to get food. On the way, we saw a huge pheasant! What luck; they're very hard to find. I heard it takes a large group of hungover business men with blue balls and a couple dogs to walk in a straight line for a few yards in order to shoot one. I can see where this would be very challenging considering I was not able to walk in a straight line the morning after a crazy night at the bar. Unfortunately, Me-So-Corny could not be with me in the picture, as I could not have grabbed the pheasant's breast and held him at the same time. It was best he stay out of this one.
I wish I had more pictures of Me-So-Corny with me, but most of the time was spent dancing. I just don't think he would have looked as good as I did up on stage.
I do believe Me-So-Corny was my good luck charm when I won $7 from a lottery ticket after spending multiple times that amount over the course of my trip. I demanded they put my picture on the Winning People's Board, but they refused. I captured the moment myself and will hang it on my own wall.
On the way back home I was hungover, half asleep and starving so I ate Me-So-Corny and barely remember doing so. Had I been more aware of what I was doing I would of at least taken a picture of myself devouring my good friend. He was as yummy as I expected he would be the whole time.
So there is a little synopsis of my trip to the midwest and the kinds of strange things I do when I'm in small towns with my friends. Can't wait for my next trip!