Everything You Wanted To Know About Chanel's Favorite Things
I am going to complain about something here. I know I complained last week about Valentine’s Day, so I promise next week I will write about something I love.
***Disclaimer: None of the following is intended to offend. It’s just a rant of my personal feelings. If you are easily offended or overly sensitive, kindly step off this ride now.***
I'll come right out and say it: I have a problem with people asking me what my favorite ANYTHING is. What's your favorite color? What's your favorite actress? What's your favorite food? The word "favorite" is very strong to me. To declare something as my favorite is a big deal. I mean, if something is your favorite then that is the one thing that is above all else in that category. It is the top of the tier. You think this favorite thing of yours is the absolute best. You might possibly even idealize this favorite thing, so again, favorite is such an intense word, and I feel really uncomfortable establishing something as my favorite when it truly isn't.
So what's the big deal, right? Why don't I just tell people what my favorite is? Because I don't have favorites of anything. I don't think I even use the word favorite unless I am repeating the question when someone asks me. Let's take food for example. I truly like all kinds of food—some more then others, but I can't tell you what I think the best one is for me. One day I am craving Mexican, and the next day I might run someone over to get some sushi. I don't want to say either of those are better than the other. And my favorite actress? Well, I really like Angelina Jolie, but I just think she's really hot and might be freaky in bed. Again, I don't want to say she's my favorite. What's my favorite music? I really like to listen to different kinds of electronic music, but I love putting Jack Johnson on when I am relaxing at home. Sometimes I'm really in the mood for some hip-hop. The worst is when you have to answer your secret questions in order to retrieve your password from a website. It drives me nuts because they ask what's your favorite band or what's your favorite color? I think they should only stick to factual questions like “What was the make of your first car?” “What was the name of your high school?” These questions will never change. If you forget what the name of your high school was, then call your mom or something and find out. If you forget what your favorite name for a boy is, well then you're fucked. It's annoying, so why do they give you the option of eight favorite question and two factual questions. It seems silly, but maybe I am the only person who has an issue with this.
This brings me to my next questions: Am I the only person that doesn't have a favorite anything? Is everyone else just throwing that word around and not truly understanding what they are saying? Maybe we should start saying people can only change what their favorite things are six times in their lifetime. This will keep them from taking advantage of the word and using it so liberally. I know this sounds dramatic, but people really listen to you and take it very serious when you say something is your favorite. I could say that my favorite color is pink and next thing I know I'm getting pink dildos, pink pencils, pink underwear, pink socks. Maybe I wanted my dildo to be purple. That color is nice too.
Besides, don’t people use the word favorite when they are kids. "My favorite movie is ‘Care Bears’," and it truly is their favorite. Kids really think their favorite is the best, and you know this because they can watch it twenty times in one week. I actually feel a little childish if I consider something my favorite. Don't get me wrong. I know some people truly have a favorite something. Someone might have a favorite book that they have always loved. Some people may feel an item is particularly special and meaningful to them. I like that because it means they are using the word favorite as it was meant to be used. Do they also have a favorite movie and a favorite singer and a favorite flavor of gummy bears? And isn't it a little strange to make this so black and white and declare all favorites? It doesn't make things very exciting does it? I'd rather someone asks, "So what are some movies that you like?"
"Well, I enjoy watching anything by Quentin Tarantino, but I admit I have a thing for ‘The Notebook’, and I still like my childhood favorite ‘Home Alone’."
Or maybe they ask, "So what colors do you like?"
"Oh I don't know, I wear a lot of darker colors, but I like to spice it up once in a while and go with a bright pink or blue. I don't have a lot of things that are red though."
See, now doesn't that give you a better idea of who I am? So now that I have established that this is a big problem for me, what am I supposed to tell people who interview me? If I tell them I don't know to every question they ask regarding a favorite, I'll look like a jerk off who isn't interested in answering their questions. And if I lie and make stuff up, which I admit I sometimes do, then I'm giving everyone false information. They aren't really getting to know things about me that they want to know. All I know is I am officially declaring I will refuse to answer a favorite question until something is truly my favorite. And in the mean time I may kindly ask that prospective questioners change the word “favorite” to “like”. What kinds of cocks to you LIKE? Now that is a question I can definitely answer… and I did say that I would blog about something I loved next week. So, until then...
And since you made it through my rant, here's your reward: A photo of me in the shower with Puma Swede.