Raven Alexis Blog
Chemistry Vs. Connection
I recently filled out an interview via email for a large pornographic magazine in which I have a spread appearing soon. Many of the questions centered on the usual topics that I am queried about – why did you get into the adult industry, do you feel that your message of sexual empowerment is being adequately disseminated, and what is your favorite position. There were two questions though, that even though they have been asked often of me lately, still throws me a little off guard, and really got me thinking about my profession and myself.
The first question was whether I prefer sex with a man or a woman, and the second one inquired as to whether being in the adult film industry has changed my outlook on my sex life and if so, how. I always want to answer interview questions as truthfully and wholly as possible, so I took a few minutes to think about my answers, and to look within myself and find a new and unique way to express how being an adult star has influenced me.
The first thought that popped into my head was how afraid I was when I got into the adult industry to sleep with people on camera that weren’t maybe the most physically attractive to me, and how surprised I was upon finding that some of the most professional and amazing performers have been the ones that I would not have been physically attracted to had I met them on the street, for instance. I have learned that physical attraction is one of the least important factors in the game of attraction, and that things such as personality, humor, wit, and sincerity are much more of a turn on to me than I could have ever known.
I’ve also learned that you can’t force a sexual connection. Sometimes there is one and sometimes there’s not. As adult actors and actresses, we have to create a connection that often is not there and find something in the other person that carries the scene and creates excitement and sexuality. For me, I lock onto how special my co-performers are as people – their uniqueness and personality - and I throw my everything into making that person feel special and sexually open during our scene. I want my fans to feel genuineness and love in my performances, and for them to feel that I have developed some sort of connection with that person, and with the people that are going to ultimately watch that scene.
And that is what I want to talk about today: the difference between chemistry and connection. Yes, as a porn performer, I forge and create connections, both with my fellow performers and my viewers, but I want to talk about the most important part of sexuality to me, and that is pure, unbridled chemistry. Connections can be created, chemistry cannot. Chemistry is that deep burning feeling in your stomach when you look at someone, the tingling in your sternum whenever you think their name, and the magnetic, almost violent tempest in the love making between you and them. You know that chemistry when you feel it, and there’s no level of sexual experience, gender, or other quotient that creates it. Simply the spark and magic between two people that fit together like mirror images of each other.
Therefore, I found that when being asked whether I prefer sex with a man or a woman, I could not adequately answer. I’ve done many great scenes with both male and female performers. But as anyone who has ever experienced true chemistry will tell you, once you feel it, it makes all other sexual experiences fade in comparison.
And as far as how I’ve changed as a performer, well, I set out in this industry seeking the ultimate in sexuality, not exactly knowing how to get there. I’ve found it though, and I’ve discovered the true difference between a connection and chemistry, and learned to celebrate it. People often ask me how an adult performer can have a healthy relationship, and I feel I’ve found the answer for me.
I am a woman who has many sexual connections with many people – all for the purpose of sexual enlightenment. Enlightenment for myself, for my fellow performers, and for the viewers of such erotica. There need be no better reason for what I do than that. And it is because of that empowerment and enlightenment that I was ever strong enough, brave enough, or open enough to recognize and embrace the burning fire of chemistry when I found it.