Brett Rossi : In My Skin
Coffee & Cigarettes
Have you ever been to the city that never sleeps? Something about New York always keeps me on my toes and I love to wander the streets just to people watch and look at the different buildings that each have a piece of history and it's own story attached to it. Cab drivers blow by honking their horns at the sheep who herd themselves across the streets against the will of the red lights that warn them it's "not safe" to cross. Everyone is in a hurry in New York and it seems like each person I walk by has a cigarette dangling from their mouth, with a coffee in one hand and a cell phone held up to their ear. Sardines are shoved in those fast moving cans called subways, and the streets are lined with loads of trash. No, not trash cans, just bags of trash. If you ask me, the city is extremely dirty and slightly disgusting. I find I am consuming more coffee than I do in a week at home and I have a nasty urge to smoke cigarettes (and I'm not even a smoker). My anxiety is at a level that I feel as if a panic attack could hit me at any moment because everyone is in a hurry and I don't do well feeling rushed. I'm not in a rush, but everyone around me is. However, despite feeling this way I always find my experiences to the city slightly arousing and exciting.
On my last trip to New York, I was dancing as a 'house' girl at a couple of my favorite clubs because a tour of mine had gotten canceled and with my recent surgery I found it was necessary to get back in dancing shape before I launch my massive tours that are coming in the next few months. One day, I walked outside and flakes of snow that began to fall from the gray sky began to dust my head and shoulders. I continued to walk because I was on a mission. What mission? I couldn't tell you, that's just the type of person I am. I am constantly on a mission and always on the go even if I'm not entirely sure where I am going or what I am doing.
I eventually found myself sitting on a bench, devouring a glazed doughnut & sipping on my 4th coffee of the day. I find myself looking up at a building across the street that I once dreamed of working in. I wipe the frosting from my doughnut off of my chin and chug an additional sip of my dirty soy Chai Tea. I had no idea how I stumbled upon this building but I did. I began to giggle to myself and thought of the irony that I would come across this building when I am not where I ever could possibly have dreamed of being back when I was a child full of innocence and curiosity, but I am still technically doing what I wanted to do; help people. I found I was sitting in front of the NYC Medical center. I sat there and began to reminisce about my dreams when I was growing up. I wanted to become a cardiologist, but not because of the money or materialistic things in life. I wanted to be a cardiologist so I could fix every broken heart in the world. I thought cardiologists were the doctors you visit after your heart had been broken. Whatever that was supposed to mean to a 5 year old who wore her mom's thongs over her pink footsie pajamas and danced around in leopard print high heels that were clearly too big for my feet in attempt to dry the tears from my mother's eyes who seemed to always have a broken heart. I've always been one to try to fill shoes too big for my feet in hopes that I would grow into them and that is a characteristic many seem to tell me they love about me; that I'll do anything it takes to reach my goals. After I finished my coffee and my doughnut, I waved good bye to the NYC Medical Center and continued on my journey.
The snow continued to fall as I walked back to my hotel. I stuck my tongue out like a child in attempt to catch each snow flake and watch it melt on my tongue. I took a picture and I remember, I was wearing a white hat and a white scarf that snuggled my neck so the wind wouldn't give me the chills. I had a slight smirk on my face because I had a slight feeling of relief off and as I walked away I thought about my taboo, slightly unacceptable (to most people in society), shameless line of work. Even though I am not a cardiologist, I am still doing what my original goal was growing up; helping people in whatever way you would like to define that as.