On Fire by Penny Flame
The aftermath of a long day.....
I just got back to San Diego and my fucking cat will not stop meowing. In fact, as any cat owner is familiar with, she refuses to walk around my computer and opts instead to stroll across my keyboard, frustrating the hell out of me, while putting her furry little butt right in my face. She purrs like a Harley, and can't stop with the kneeding.....always always kneeding. She is pretty much nuts, but she takes after her mother.
Yesterday was a hell of a day man, let me tell you. I'm so glad that it is over, just thinking about it gets me all riled up again. And not in that good sexy riled way, but in that "if it had gone on for two minutes more, heads would have rolled." It is not a problem that the production was running about ten hours behind, or that we shot about 1/4 of what needed to be shot. That's all fine, because I am paid an exhuberant amount of money to sit on my ass and read "an American Dream" by Mailer, and no complain. So I don't. In fact, I stay out of the way, am ready when the time calls, and am even polite to people I don't particularly care for. She wasn't even the problem! (which is ironic, because I went into the day thinking she would be. But no, it was me thinking this girl is a problem which created a problem. And the problem existed only in my head...)
The issue was in the sex scene. I like it rough. Don't get me wrong. But if you go near my clit and I'm not excited, you better go easy or get ready for a swift kick to the teeth. Most porn stars are able to let their partners know whether something is good or not with a little signal. Like, for instance, if you are rubbing my clit, and I start to close my legs, or wiggle away, or push your hand away, or ANY OF THESE THINGS, its a pretty good sign that I'm not enjoying whatever it is you are doing, and you should probably stop. I did everything in my power to politely, delicately, and discreetly let the other two girls in the scene know that what they were doing was painful, not pleasurable. One girl obviously did not like girls, which made it difficult for me because talk about a heartbreaker. Having to fuck someone who obviously isn't in to you? ugh. And then the other girl was just so in her character that I don't think she was able to "read" my signals, my signs. Although I don't know how much more of a signal someone needs than me removing their hand from my clitoris, and pushing it into my vaginal opening. (like those clinical terms? hahahah). Once the girls started slapping my clit, I lost it. I started pushing their hands away over and over and over. Neither girl stopped. They did stop however, when I grabbed both their hands, sat up and said "ouch. That fucking hurts. Stop."
It should not have come to this. The cute little one who was just excited didn't mean anything by it, she just didn't fucking get it. The other girl didn't mean anything by it either. She just doesn't know how to please a woman, because she doesn't enjoy doing it. No hard feelings. I said, "my clit is incredibly sensitive, and will you please quit rubbing it like that. its completely dry and you're practically trying to start a fire with your rubbing, so chill out. Go to town on the rest of me. Just stay the fuck away from my clit."
Then they bent me over in doggy and started to finger fuck me. Which would have been fine if both their knuckles weren't banging up against my clit. They may as well have been punching me directly in the clit with two fingers. knuckles. Forceful. Finally, I covered my swollen and hurt little bump, because they obviously didn't care enough about me enjoying our sex to do as I asked. Which was to stay the fuck off my clit.
By the end of the scene I wanted to cry. I wanted to walk off set and cry. It felt fucking terrible. I wanted to bend them over and beat the fuck out of their vagina's but I actually like women, and would never do to them what they did to me. That is why I'm not mentioning their names. Its inappropriate, and it may ruin someone's fantasy out there about "that special girl." But fuck. Why didn't the director stop it? Why is it that these girls are doing girl girl scenes if a, one doesn't like it, and b, all they want to do is beat the fuck out of a pussy. That's not sexy. Its abuse. Pussy abuse. And I will have no part of it. Next time, I will walk off.
But this time, I finished my scene, did some bullshit dialogue, and went home and cried. I would have blogged about it then, but it was too fresh. I needed a night to decide how to go about this.
Note to all female performers.....IF YOU DON'T LIKE WOMEN, DON'T DO GIRL GIRL SCENES. If you don't know how to please your partner, ASK. AND THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. Don't ignore the signs. If a girl is closing her legs and pushing your hands away, it probably means something.
Okay, I feel better now. Thank you for letting me vent. I'm going to go eat at CheeseCake Factory with my homeboy Burs, and try not to think about the fact that I have never felt more violated in my life. And all by girls with smiles on their faces.
Post script note to the girl I thought I would have a problem with. We can be civil. I own you an apology for thinking we couldn't be. Especially after what happened after you left. You would have decked the bitches in the face, demanded to be paid, and walked off. Maybe I should take some notes from you......