Not So Innocent by Troy Michael of IWAdult.com
Wheelchairs, Starry Skies and Shuffeling Feet
The other day I saw a guy in a wheelchair in the busiest street I had ever seen. He was just a guy in a wheelchair in the middle of the street for no reason except to get across. Cars were barely missing him. It was so crazy that it made me exhausted just watching him. I gained so much respect for that man and everyone who faces their challenges. It made me think about myself. I know it is going to be nice to be able to sleep in my own bed tonight but I wondered where he was going to be sleeping.
I kept walking because nobody knows me here, even though I am a regular visitor. On a normal day I probably wouldn't leave the house under these circumstances, much less go out and walk in the concrete jungle. I guess that is all I can do though.
I haven't had any faith in any sort of God in a long time. I guess I felt like if it exists I will know it when I die.
I feel like somebody is making sure everything is OK. I know that everything that led up to this time happened for a reason. I have never been in a situation like this before. Somebody is looking out for me, because there is no other explanation for this.
When I am out in the night like this, I can't believe how many stars are out in the sky. But nobody has shown me anything that makes me feel secure in what happens afterwards. All I believe in is this moment, like right now.
I walk the streets and contemplate, and then there is these words running through my head. It is a little story about love and hate. All the stuff you read in the newspapers while eating your breakfast.
Music seems to be my religion, my sanctuary to take me away from that. I would never force my beliefs upon anyone. Just hold on to your freedom, because in these modern times you are just trying to stay alive.
We are the aliens here. We have mutated as human beings. We are not really connected to our roots anymore. We live in a box, go to the restaurants and eat dead animals. We are all tribal people. We have a nice island here but he original people really had their lives together.
You know after awhile you just become a commodity, rather than the person. It interferes with your life. I don't want to be the traveling side shows anymore. When I have to go up and do my song and dance routines from my freak file. While someone stands over me to watch that I do not mess up. They steal my life away. They scoop out my chest and leave nothing behind.
I enjoy being completely alone some times and that becomes scary as hell. Am I needed by anyone who could understand this?
How can they attack me better then I can attack myself? They're not in my head, thinking all my private thoughts. If you have a heart and give it away, and someone breaks it - Fuck Them!
Everything I believed in wasn't true. I found out while I got close to you. I thought you were different, like a dream. Thought I could trust you with my soul, but I can't do anything anymore. Things are not just what they seem under these stars./Like this crack in the cement beneath my feet.