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Not So Innocent by Troy Michael of IWAdult.com

My FedEx Girlfriend

I have had this bed (headboard, footboard, and rails) that I ordered from a cool furniture store and when I got the bed it wasn't welded correctly so it didn't fit together. 

I had to send it back, but they took forever and a day sending me the FedEx mailing label and they still didn't get it right because they only sent one label when I needed two. I have been trying to send this bed back for a month now and they still can't get it right. I know I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I hate incompetence when it comes to a major company. They have all these phone operators and each time I call it is something new and they all apologize and say they will get it fixed. It's like they are all doing their job, but no one knows what is going on. What a shame. This is why I prefer Mom and Pop stores over corporate box stores. It may be a little more expensive but the service is well worth it.

So with my one label, when I needed two, I made the call to FedEx to come pick up one of the boxes. This morning the driver came to ring my doorbell and much to my surprise this girl was really cute. She was about 5'2" 100 pounds at best with great hair (in a ponytail) and a very nice smile.

She looked athletic, which I am sure she would have to be to tote those big boxes around. So I told this cute girl my situation and she said she could take the big box to get it out of the way. The box was pretty damn big. It held the head board and footboard (which were kind of like aluminum) in a beat up box with those plastic straps around the box to pick it up. I didn't know whether to ask if she needed help, I didn't want to insult her, but then again I didn't want to not ask her to make her think I was a rude dude. So I just said nothing. I figured if she needed help she would have used her cart right?? Anyway she picked this big ole box up like it was nothing and hauled it out to her FedEx Truck. At this point I figured this girl was probably stronger than I was and she would only make me look like a bigger fool than I already was if I tried to help.

We all know the UPS people wear those hideous brown uniforms, but the FedEx people they wear more of a purple (maybe dark blue) outfit. This girl had on pants and her FedEx issue polo shirt with black boots I think. She had on this superhero-type belt that held her electronic scanner thing and some other nonsense. And as unappealing as that sounds, she looked really good wearing it. 

I tried not to ogle her like some creep, but I have to say when she lifted that big box and walked away from me, it did something for my morning. But me being me, I didn't say anything to her, but I was thinking about it after she drove off.

"Hey that's a bed... wanna go try it out?"

"Hey um, I work in porn. Do you like anal?"

"Package? Yeah baby I got a package for you right here... alllll riiiiight GIGIDDY GIGIDDY."

Maybe if I am lucky, the furniture company will send my second label out soon and my little FedEx cutie will return to pick up the rest of my bed and I will stumble on a conversation.

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