ASSk Joanna: Late Circumcision, Becoming A Nude Photographer and Sex On The Rag!

Hi Joanna's Ass,

I
have been faced by an unusual dilemma for years that never seems to
resolve itself; I have had the misfortune of not having gotten
circumcised as a child. For some reason, this bothers me far too much.
Yet any time I come close to getting it done I am totally afraid of the
operation. Any suggestions on how to deal with this one?

Sincerely,

OH
NO! Don't go do that! I am an ass - not a doctor - but I think there is
something really unsafe about getting circumcized once you're past the
age of...oh, I don't know...10 minutes? Are you crazy!? I know Joanna
loves the feeling of uncircumcised cock, but who cares about her and
her other regions...I LOVE IT! Really. It is always a treat when Joanna
works with one of the uncircumcised lads in porn and I get to hang out
with it for a while. They just feel so good! It feels like a cock and a
squishy pillow all in one and it is awesome. So keep your foreskin, and
bang more girls in the ass because I swear - they will love it!

Dear Holiest of Holy Asses,

How
do I get these girls from North Dakota to take off their clothes so I
can take pictures of them? I am in no way trying to even amount to 1/4
of the Burning Angels, but I just really want to do it. I also have
horrible anxiety which I quelch with alcohol so going up to chicks even
with a heavy wallet and sober is out of the question. I dont want to
drink and dream anymore. Are there any other members from the Midwest
here?

Sincerely,

Um,
dude. You can't "get" girls to take naked pictures...you need to get
your name out there as a photographer and then girls who want to get
naked will come to you. You shouldn't try turning "civillians" into
nude models; it will just come across really creepy. Like, Joanna
doesn't tell girls to get naked for her - girls who want to get naked
find her and tell her they want to be on her website. First of all...do
you have a camera and photo equipment? That would be a good step. It's
not even a good step; it's kind of a necessary step...and you need a
real camera - like a digital SLR camera that has at least 8
megapixels...and you need real lighting equipment - like a basic strobe
kit or something like that. You can't even begin to try to lure girls
in with a point and shoot camera and your house lights. Then,
well...post some Bulletins on Myspace, or get a profile on Model Mayhem
and see if you can find any girls who need photos of themselves that
will let you shoot them, but if you can't talk to a girl sober, I think
you're going to have a hard time. Maybe photographing girls isn't the
right thing for you. Maybe you should just take pictures of like,
apples and backyards and stuff like that...that might be a good start. 

Dear Joanna's Ass,

My
problem is this: my boyfriend refuses to have sex with me when I am on
my period! Even though, I am my horniest when on my period (after the
first day or so), and I don't mind it at all. We had sex once when I
was on my period, and it was fine - not messy at all - but he is still
weirded out about it. How can I get him to just stop being a baby and
slip it into my bloody hole?

Sincerely,

Desperate-For-Period-Sex 

Well,
maybe he can agree to put it in your ass when you have your period! Did
you ever try asking that? I don't even know if you like anal sex but
since you are asking an ass for advice, I would imagine that you
probably either really like it or you are at the very least kinda
curious about it. I think this is a good time to try. Then maybe he
will be so happy that he got to fuck your ass, that the next day he
will get over his stupid fear of period blood. If that doesn't work,
well then maybe you should just try telling him that he would be a lot
better off dating someone who never bleeds - you know...like a guy. See
what he says to that! I bet he will be all up in your bloody snatch
after that.