Missy Martinez Gets Ra
By Rob Perez
PHOTOS COURTESY OF AE FILMS
You don’t actually interview Latina goddess Missy Martinez, who’s recently release showcase for AE Films, Fucked Ra, was awarded a rare XCritic Pick. You just throw a bunch of questions at Missy then watch her devious dirty, perverted snarky mind go to work. It’s something she does so well, plus knowing how to drain nutsacks dry from coast to coast for the past six years, that her Twitters followers are always tuned in to #AskMissy a dizzying array of questions and eagerly await for whatever clever or wacky answer Missy will tweet back. It’s one of the reasons why Missy has remained a fan favorite and a favorite of ours here on XCritic. Let’s see Missy getting ra!
Why should everyone reading this interview go out and buy your AE Films’ showcase Fucked Ra?
You HAVE to watch this movie of you want to see me with a penis in my vagina and bottom at the same time! Also, if you don't watch it, the terrorists win.
Is your co-star in Fucked Ra Vicki Chase the tastiest Latina you’ve ever been with?
She is the ULTIMATE Latina! Some people ooze sexuality and are just sexual creatures. She is one of them! I love that woman!
What advice would you give civilian women if they’re taking James Deen’s cock in their ass for the first time?
Offer them congratulations at having the honor and privilege of having their butthole cherry popped by the best in the biz.
Your lesbian orgy in Fucked Ra was awesome. Would you ever do an all girl orgy with female fans?
If you have a vagina, grab a swim cap and banana and get in this orgy!
Do you prefer a girl with fake or natural tits?
As long as they have nipples for me to suck on, they could be natural, silicone, carved of wood or piñatas. Bonus points if they lactate champagne.
Can a guy with a small cock satisfy you?
Absolutely. Sex being good isn't based solely on penis size. I find that size is the last factor in satisfying me. A talented tongue and soft hands are what does it for me. High credit score helps.
Do fat guys have a chance to date you?
Physical appearance is like dick size, irrelevant. Personality, chemistry and connection is key. Plus, fat guys make me seem really skinny when I'm on top so, bonus.
What’s the most romantic song to get nailed to by?
The screams of children. Or "Lucky You" by the Deftones.
Who would you rather have sex with, Bruce Jenner or Caitlin Jenner ?
I don't think I would bang either one. Bruce/Caitlyn seems really prudish and hard to satisfy. I'd pass.
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What’s the most bizarre fetish you’ve ever heard of?
Some chick sells her feces in brick form and sells it to dudes to play with. Do what you love and the money will come!
What sport has the hottest guys?
Professional Pokémon Card masters
What did you fantasize about the last time you masturbated?
I actually DONT fantasize! I focus on the feeling and pleasure. I think I'm too cynical to have fantasies.
Who’s your male and female celebrity crush and why?
I want Jake Gyllenhall to stuff his balls in my ass while Mila Kunis brushes my hair. Self explanatory.
How old is too old to bang?
When I have to have my cum pre-chewed I'll call myself too old to be banged.
If you had to pick one person to have sex with who would it be, Carly Fiorina or Hillary Clinton?
Hilary is probably really good with a strap-on.
F, marry, kill—Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz or Donald Trump?
Fuck Trump, Rubio and Cruz then kill myself.
What’s one question you’d like to ask all the presidential candidates?
I'd ask to see their un-cleared browser history.
F, marry, kill—Taylor Swift, Arianna Grande or Nicky Minaj?
Can I kill Taylor Swift more than once? It's a dream of mine.
Who’s the funniest person in porn?
I like to call myself the "Deadpool of Porn". Dana Dearmond and Asa Akira are pretty damn funny.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you on set?
Luckily nothing embarrassing has happened to me yet, that just means something catastrophically embarrassing is bound to happen.
How many dick picks do you get sent each day?
On Twitter my followers know that's grounds for blocking so they learned quickly. A few stragglers get through once in a while.
Do you have a quote you live by?
"Either everything is funny or nothing is funny"
Mets or Royal?
I'd rather watch a video of my own death than watch baseball.
What sexual fantasies have come true for you since you started in porn?
Forced orgasms with a Hitachi. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes.
Why are you fascinated with death?
It's a natural part of life. Once you stop fearing death, it's extremely freeing. Also, have you ever poked a dead body!?!
Can a fan request you do their autopsy when they die?
Sure, I'll take a look. It'll end up being closed-casket once I'm through.
What’s the sweetest thing a fan has ever done for you?
I've have the greatest fans on the planet. I can't name just one. Sweetest thing is the fact they let me be a part of their life, even if it's online or just though my movies. It's a big honor.
What’s your advice to civilian guys if they want to ask a porn girl out?
Make sure you are confident and secure enough to separate the idea of "sex" from "love".
If you could be any rock chick, who would you pick and why?
Are there any rock chicks anymore? I don't think there are.
Do you have a Tinder profile? What kind of guy are you searching for?
No sir. I find all my dates outside the courthouse.
Would you rather win an award for your acting or your sexual performance?
Definitely a sex award. My grandkids will know their grandma could take the pipe.
If you were Princess Leia would you have sex with Jabba the Hut to win your freedom?
That's how most girls get into the VIP section at nightclubs anyways.
What question do you get asked most often in #AskMissy?
Favorite sex position or favorite dick size. It makes me want to deepthroat a shotgun.
What porn girl do you wish would make a comeback?
I would love to have a chance to work with Tera Patrick!
Is there a retired porn girl you hope to never see again?
Any of the girls who retire then talk shit about the industry. Don't bite the hand that fed you.
Are porn cliques real?
Usually girls from the same agency stick together, not in a mean girl way though.
What’s your kind of day, having a beer and watching a game or eating pizza and gaming all day long?
Split the difference : Wine and video games.
Are you pro or anti bush?
As long as there aren't spiders in the hair, I'm good.
How do you deal with working with a girl who’s not into girls?
By never working with her again.
Can a girl have too many tattoos?
Women should have at least one portrait of me on their bodies.
Why are vaginas so addictive?
It's like Chinese food. Once you eat one, you're hungry for it again in 25 minutes.
Who’s the hottest white, Black, Latina and Asian girl in the business right now?
I don't care about the color on the outside of the ladies, only the pink center.
What big upcoming films you have coming up?
I just made my big screen debut in the Paramount Picture horror comedy Scouts Vs Zombies in theaters now! You get to see my zombie boobs on the big screen
Any last words for the fans reading this in XCritic?
You're cool and your genitals smell nice.
Follow Missy on Twitter @missyxmartinez and on Instagram at MissyXMartinez. Check out her website,
Follow me on Twitter @RobGPerez