Scoring System for Sex Scenes

The initial score for a sex scene is two and one-half out of five stars (a "C" or "average" grade). This score assumes that the scene contains fellatio and cunnilingus, sex (penetration) in a minimum of three positions, and, if there's a guy (or more than one) in the scene, each guy pops.

A complete score sheet is available for each scene that I review. The body of each review contains a link to that movie’s score card as well as the appropriate password.

One point addition for female orgasm: Truthfully, I watch porn to see girls cum. I know that circumstances make it hard for porn stars to always cum during their scenes. However, I crave female orgasms so much that I add one point to the scene's score if the girl convinces me that she climaxes.

One point addition for sexual performance: I add up to 1/10 star each  for sexual features such as the following: 1) girl swallows cum; 2) there's a vaginal or anal cream pie; 3) the girl squirts; 4) she jacks him off until he cums; 5) two or more girls cum swap; or 6) there's excellent chemistry among the performers. I add .025 stars each for features such as the following: 1) anal penetration (finger, tongue, toy, or cock); 2) double penetration (pussy and asshole); 3) double vaginal penetration; 4) double anal penetration; 5) ass-to-mouth; 6) ass-to-pussy; 7) she deep-throats him; 8) she gives him a very slobbery blowjob; 9) she makes stringers during blowjob; 10) she fucks him (b/g scenes); 11) her fucking moves are sexy and erotic; 12) she groans realistically and enthusiastically; 13) she inflames their passion with naughty commentary; 14) they use toys during sex; 15) they French kiss during sex; 16) her tits bounce joyfully; 17) sweaty sex; 18) nipple sucking or squeezing during sex; 19) excellent girl/girl cooperation in b/g/g scenes; 20) he redlines while thrusting in-and-out of her; 21) titty fucking; 22) fisting; 23) spanking; 24) her pussy is exceptionally juicy; 25) she gapes her pussy or asshole for us; 26) rimming; 27) she shoves two or more cocks into her mouth; 28) she establishes eye contact with us; 29) he carries her during standing sex; 30) they use a unique position; 31) the girl masturbates during sex; 32) they perform 69 during sex; 33) she gets gooseflesh. If the total points for sex exceeds .5 points, I round down to .5. I publish a specific score card for each movie. It’s address is provided in each review I write.

One-half point for the girl's appearance. Frankly, I think that any girl who's willing to strip off her clothes and open her pussy for the camera deserves our respect and admiration. So, I give most scenes .5 points for the girl's appearance. Sadly, however, the appearance of all girls who fuck on camera is not necessarily worth one-half star. Some things really turn me off about a girl's body, and I deduct .10 star from the maximum .5 for each of the following: 1) unkempt fingernails or toenails; 2) botched breast implants; 3) stubble in the pubic area, around her asshole, or on her legs; 4) facial acne; 5) ass pimples; and 6) sloppy belly fat. Note that all of these "flaws" are within a girl's power to control. I never take off points for appearance factors inherent in her genes. Note: My scoring of a girl's performance can change from scene-to-scene depending upon her grooming. Also note that I do not hold girls accountable for their make-up, hairstyling, and wardrobe. Those attributes are the responsibility of the studio/director and will be scored as part of Production Values.

Sex Scene Penalties:

One point penalty is assessed if: 1) any guy in the scene does not pop; 2) the girl obviously doesn't enjoy herself.

One-half point penalty is assessed if: 1) less than three sexual positions are employed; 2) there is not cunnilingus; 3) there is no fellatio (if b/g scene); 4) the girl spits out his cum; 5) the girl recoils during a facial; 6) there's no double-penetration in a b/b/g threeway

Scoring System for Video

Five star video: 1) is nicely lit (meaning that the light flatters the girls' bodies and illuminates the in-and-out action), 2) is nicely color balanced (so flesh looks healthy and not jaundiced); 3) is shot with fluid and jerk-free camera motions; 4) shows us what we want to see using an appropriate mixture of close-up, medium, and wide shots; 5) doesn't contain images of the crew or equipment; 6) shows insertions and transitions from one position to another; 7) is free from video noise, pixelization, and compression artifacts; 8) is crisp and clear at full size on my computer monitor or TV; and 9) is edited in such a way that I do not get the impression that I missed something important. I subtract one-half star for each infraction from this list. Note: I don't care if the video is conventional 4:3 or widescreen 16:9.

Scoring System for Audio

Four star audio: 1) has an appropriate and consistent volume level; 2) is in sync with the video; 3) enables the viewer to hear all the dialog; 4) enables the viewer to hear the sweet sounds of sex; and 5) does not allow background music to overpower the sounds of sex or to conflict with the feeling of the sexual performance. I subtract one-half star for each infraction from this list. One half point is added for Digital Surround Sound. One half point is added if the movie contains more than one soundtrack (additional language and/or actor/director commentary tracks).

Scoring System for Production Values

I evaluate the movie's production values using a scale of .1 to 1.0 for each of five characteristics: 1) the location's appearance and effectiveness in advancing the theme or plot of the movie; 2) the use of the sets (I prefer to see sex on and around a wide variety of props...not just couches); 3) make-up/hairstyling/wardrobe (attractiveness and appropriateness to the movie's theme or plot); 4) acting (if a plot-based movie) or scene set-up (if gonzo or wall-to-wall); and 5) whether or not any musical soundtrack is appropriate to the scene and if that music becomes an integral part of the overall appeal of the scene.

Scoring System for Extras

Extras range greatly from movie to movie and change in terms of quality and quantity over time as the capacity of storage media increases. I award 3 points for a selection of extras that's about average in the current marketplace; 4 points if the extras are quite good; and 5 points if the extras are outstanding (Very few movies earn 5 points for extras...The Visitors comes to mind...the extras were as entertaining as the movie!).

Scoring System for Intangibles

One bonus star for condom free boy/girl sex (if b/g scenes in the movie); an additional bonus star is assigned if two or more of the female performers are previous recipients or current nominees for Dr. Jay's Must-See Girls.

Recommendation Criteria

On the XCritic site, an XCritic Pick award requires a 4.5 or higher sex rating plus a 4.5 or higher overall rating. I occasionally award an XCritic Pick to an “epic feature” (i.e. big-budget feature) that earns a sex score between 4.25 and 4.50 for sex plus a 4.5 or higher overall rating.  A movie comes Highly Recommended if it earns 4.5 or higher for sex and 4.0-4.49 overall. Recommended movies earn 4.0-4.49 for both sex and overall scores. Rent It movies earn 3.50-3.99 for sex. Finally, if a movie’s sex score is less than 3.50, I say Skip It.