Does the past matter? (How many guys she slept with)

[LX98Civic]

I started talking to this one girl who is really nice. We've been hanging out a good bit and just enjoying the time together. Anyhow, I was telling this guy at work (just know him from work) about her and he said she was easy :eek:

He also said that 2 of his friends or two guys that he knows of hit it as well :jawdrop: So, I am thinking WTF :mad:

Should I just let the past be the past and just take her for what she is now? She is only 18 and now I know she has slept with at least 3 guys according to this one guy at work. That is not that bad, but what about the other 10,000,000 people that are not friends with this guy at work?

Shoud it matter if a girl has slept with 1 or 20 guys?
Need some input, thanks!

added: The guy said this all happened about 2-3 years ago

[J-Dubya]

Originally posted by LX98Civic
Shoud it matter if a girl has slept with 1 or 20 guys?
Need some input, thanks!



If it matters to you, then it matters. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter. Maybe she has become a BAV(born again virgin).

[LX98Civic]

Originally posted by J-Dubya


If it matters to you, then it matters. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter. Maybe she has become a BAV(born again virgin).

Good way to put it :)
I guess it doesn't matter, since I am still looking forward to seeing her when she gets back in town next Wednesday. She left last night for Atlanta.

I guess I am just trying to get some opinions on this. So, does it matter to you?

[BCorbett]

I really don't think it's fair to hold things against her that she did before she met you. It doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way, so I say let it go and have some fun with her.

[Johnny Zhivago]

Originally posted by BCorbett
I really don't think it's fair to hold things against her that she did before she met you.

Agreed... Also, are you saying that you never slept around while you were in high school? I know I did...

[alarican]

just do it

[bigsoos]

I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?".

[Jackskeleton]

Originally posted by bigsoos
I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?".

:lol: Oh so true. oh so true.

the real question here is to find out what she might have.

the past only matters if it effects you. And yes, you shouldn't holdthe past against someone.

[jw2299]

I can't believe you're listening to "some guy at work". If you liked her before you talked to him, you should like her after too.

But, I know things aren't always as simple as that. :)

[Jepthah]

It's an unpopular answer, but yes, the past matters.

But the key footnote to that is: why does it matter to you specifically? Are you after just plain sex? Well, if she's 'easy' then great, less work for you. A relationship? Maybe she doesn't want it or doesn't know how to maintain one. Then her past is a problem. I'll leave the STD issue alone because you should have enough sense to know what's what in that dept. :)

You really have to decide for yourself. The way a person has acted usually is a good indication on how they will act. As people we tend to have sex and relationship patterns that repeat. Some just can't see it in themselves or others.

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by J-Dubya


If it matters to you, then it matters. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter. . . First response was the best. . .

[Xanthguy]

I didn't think it would matter to me, but a similar situation proved that it did. It's a lot of heartache, and my best advice is to ask her about it openly and honestly (after you've started dating.) If she lies, ditch her. If you cry, ditch her. If you get erect, she's a keeper. :lol:

I'm making things seem simpler then they actually are, but you get my point. If I could go back, I would have left my girlfriend after she lied to me about her sexual history. I think it has hurt my ability to trust women, possibly forever. This'll be good for you though; just because she has a sexual history doesn't mean she's a bad person, and you'll learn a lot about yourself in the process. If you find out you're uncomfortable with her past (and trust me, YOU'LL KNOW) then politely explain to her that you saw a really nice hill in the distance and that you are going to run towards it in a fashionably expedient manner.

Hope this helps,

--Xg
:)

[JimRochester]

Ah, the green eyed monster.

The rational part of me says the past is the past and what happened before we met doesn't matter. However jeolousy is not a rational emotion. Allot depends on the seriousness of the relationship. If you're looking for a long term girlfrienmd and you have to ask, at some point it will bother you. Like when you run into one of these guys in public. I knew my future wife wasn't a saint, just as I wasn't, but like Xanthguy, she wasn't very forward about the past which only made me distrustful and resentful.

Don't ask if you don't want to know or are afraid of the answer

[Soup Nazi]

What's done is done. However, those that aren't forthcoming about their past indiscretions -- tend to make your significant other wonder.

This is truly a dual-edged sword. On one hand, the morbid curiosity is there -- and you kind of really want to know. On the other hand, in certain situations, some things are better left unsaid.

If you're not serious about her, hit it and bail. If you are contemplating getting serious, do the smell test. If your eyes water and you become dazed -- and for a moment you fear that you have collapsed in your grocer's seafood department ... she might have been the deli girl a few months back ... "now serving number" ...

[Jackskeleton]

the difference is all up to the relationship. if the two of you differ in such experience, it may put a strain on your relationship or cause tension some time down the road. but over all, a good communication should fix that.

[Jack Straw]

Originally posted by Xanthguy
I didn't think it would matter to me, but a similar situation proved that it did. It's a lot of heartache, and my best advice is to ask her about it openly and honestly (after you've started dating.) If she lies, ditch her. If you cry, ditch her. If you get erect, she's a keeper. :lol: What if she cries?

[LX98Civic]

Originally posted by bigsoos
I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?".

I would hardly call this guy a "friend". I just found out his name the other day when he was telling me something about what some girls were saying to him (non related to me or my girl).

Well, I'm not one to just hit something and leve unless it's totally trash or I do not like her. That has yet to happen to me in 24 years. It goes the same way each time.....

I meet this girl -- I like her -- things are great -- we fool around or go all the way sometime.... -- things are still great -- I am really starting to like this girl -- BAM! some $hit happens (from her) out of the blue and it's over!

At this point in life I always just expect something to happen between me and whoever I am dating. I guess I'll let that guard down when I get down on my knee and get a "yes".

[Goat3001]

It sounds like you really don't know this guy to well. Is it possible that he's not telling you the truth?

[Einsatz]

As soon as I finished reading the original post, the first thing that came to mind was She slept with Lumbergh?! and many other Office Space quotes...

And if we learned anything from that movie, it's that who cares who she has slept with, Jennifer Aniston is still hot as all hell.

[Neitzl]

Ah...So, you're chasing Amy, eh?
:)

[jw2299]

Forget this A-hole at work. Just have fun w/her. Life's too short to worry about crap like this.

[Toxygen]

I'm going to take an alternative side here and say "if it matters to her, then yes, it matters"

The last girl I was with made a big deal about all the guys she had been with, in a bad way, always talking about how she felt used, how some abused her, how it was meaningless, blah blah, and after a while i just got tired of hearing it because it started bothering me that she always brought this stuff up.

So yeah, sometimes it matters because of you, other times it matters because of her

[POWERBOMB]

The real question should be "Would it matter that she hit it with these guys but didn't give it to you?"

[rkndkn]

Why is there a double standard? If you've had an active past, what's wrong if she has? The thought that women are "easy" and men are "studs" is so sexist. Women are just as capable of, and can enjoy, flings like men. All that "women need to be emotionally involved" is such crap. If her experience far outweighs yours and you feel insecure about being compared, that's one thing. But if you've slept with 50 people and so has she, you have no right to call her easy. Women can sow their oats just as well as men.

[Cool Kitten]

Originally posted by Neitzl
Ah...So, you're chasing Amy, eh?
:) you know, that was the first thought i had as well.
For god's sake, its 3 guys!!!! Since when 3 is a lot? :confused:
And i'm sick and tired of the double standard when i girl is labeled a slut if she has sex and a guy is called experienced. Girls happen to ejoy sex just as much as guys do (providing of course that the guy actually knows what he's doing in bed :p )
I could maybe see an issue if she were doing multiple partners and orgies etc, but she only slept with 3 guys.
Get over it. unless you're a virgin, then you're chasing Amy.

[Patman]

"37 times?"

[Soup Nazi]

You know, the more and more I think about this ...

I'd actually prefer someone that's experienced in the sack. Teaching others is so 90s ...

[LX98Civic]

I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not all that innocent mself ;)

Anyhow, I am just going to have fun with her as we've been doing and just take it one day at a time.

POWERBOMB: The real question should be "Would it matter that she hit it with these guys but didn't give it to you?"

To be honest, I already hit it 3 times in a week ;) :o

Soup Nazi: You know, the more and more I think about this ...

I'd actually prefer someone that's experienced in the sack. Teaching others is so 90s ...

Well, that is one good thing about this. Man, she can ride a d!ck :D

[Soup Nazi]

Originally posted by LX98Civic
Well, that is one good thing about this. Man, she can ride a d!ck :D

However, you've neglected to answer the *most* important question. Does she spit or swallow?

:)

[JimRochester]

Originally posted by rkndkn
Why is there a double standard? If you've had an active past, what's wrong if she has? The thought that women are "easy" and men are "studs" is so sexist. Women are just as capable of, and can enjoy, flings like men. All that "women need to be emotionally involved" is such crap. If her experience far outweighs yours and you feel insecure about being compared, that's one thing. But if you've slept with 50 people and so has she, you have no right to call her easy. Women can sow their oats just as well as men.

Because men have traditionally been the persuers and women the persuees, some men do find it difficult to be with an experienced woman. But who we slept with and why make up who we are. Remember, you're trying to make a logical argument over an illogical emotional issue. Double standards are wrong but we all have them at some point over something (usually while driving and someone makes a mistake).

In my case I knew there was experience but she lied and said there had been one guy and no one since. When helping her move I found a picture a guy in her bed. Imagine my dissapointment when we ran into this guy in public and it wasn't who I thought it was. So now I have to wonder if her explanations of other events were true or not.

[Jackskeleton]

wow, is it me or does Lx sounds a lot like shaggy. :p

[Gattman]

This really shouldnt even be an issue
Has she asked you how many people you have slept with?

[Betho]

Originally posted by LX98Civic

I meet this girl -- I like her -- things are great -- we fool around or go all the way sometime.... -- things are still great -- I am really starting to like this girl -- BAM! some $hit happens (from her) out of the blue and it's over!


Wow, you are perfect, aren't you! -rolleyes- Let's get married.

[LX98Civic]

Originally posted by Soup Nazi


However, you've neglected to answer the *most* important question. Does she spit or swallow?

:)


Good question!
Don't know at this time. She swallows her own juices though ;)

[Soup Nazi]

Originally posted by LX98Civic
Good question!
Don't know at this time. She swallows her own juices though ;)

You lucky bastard!

:D

[Soup Nazi]

Originally posted by Betho
Wow, you are perfect, aren't you! -rolleyes- Let's get married.

I never knew you two were a couple ...

[icondude]

I don't care how many people she has slept with, just as long as she doesn't have VD.

[Soup Nazi]

Originally posted by icondude
I don't care how many people she has slept with, just as long as she doesn't have VD.

Nuttin' beats the clap ...

:D

[Betho]

Originally posted by Soup Nazi


I never knew you two were a couple ...

Only in my dreams could I ever hope of snagging such a charmer.

[Soup Nazi]

Originally posted by Betho
Only in my dreams could I ever hope of snagging such a charmer.

-other-

[Cool Kitten]

Originally posted by Betho


Only in my dreams could I ever hope of snagging such a charmer. :up: really.

[Betho]

Originally posted by Cool Kitten
:up: really.

Yeah, guys like that are really one in a million, yanno -rolleyes-

[spainlinx0]

Gotta say I love the sarcasm from the ladies. I was thinking the same thing as you Betho, lol.

[Jepthah]

So Ladies:

if you knew for a fact that a guy you were romantically interested in had slept around a lot and had never had a successful long-term committed relationship, you wouldn't be bothered or even concerned by that?

[Betho]

Originally posted by Jepthah
So Ladies:

if you knew for a fact that a guy you were romantically interested in had slept around a lot and had never had a successful long-term committed relationship, you wouldn't be bothered or even concerned by that?

If you are referring to me, you should refer to my original post in tihs thread, and see which comment I quoted.

What's in the past is in the past, although for health reasons I don't think I'd like a man who had 50+ partners.

[Xanthguy]

Not to step on anybody's toes or anything, but I think someone's past can't be completely discarded because a person's previous actions are highly indicative of their present lifestyle. If, for example, a person has an exaggerated history of extremely short, sex-based relationships, the chance of you being discarded in a similar fashion is potentially a lot higher. Ugh, must use small words now.
Sex = good
2 much Sex = not good?

:hscratch:

Well, that's my reasoning anyway.

--Xg

[Jepthah]

Originally posted by Betho


If you are referring to me, you should refer to my original post in tihs thread, and see which comment I quoted.

What's in the past is in the past, although for health reasons I don't think I'd like a man who had 50+ partners.

Not ONLY to you, but since you responded:

you don't think the past has any bearing on the present when it comes to a relationship, whether sexual or otherwise?

I find that very difficult to accept.

[joltaddict]

Originally posted by Jepthah
you don't think the past has any bearing on the present when it comes to a relationship, whether sexual or otherwise?

No because I wasnt a factor in any of those other relationships. It matters to you if youre an insecure person. I think the more doubts a person has about himself is directly proportional to how bad this upsets him.

[JimRochester]

I agree that if those people meant anything she would still be with them. However I disagree that the past has absolutely no bearing on the present or future. Circumstances surrounding the encounters tells you what kind of person they are. They relate to not only morals but intelligence and emotional wellbeing.

Were these relationships that progressed to sex or sex that progressed to relationships?
Were they one night stands?
Did the person use sex just to gain acceptance?
Are they dumb as a post and sleep with anyone with a good line.
Were either married?

A woman doesn't have to be insecure to be turned off by a guy that has slept with tons of women. She can just find it an undesireable trait. Just as guy can find that the girl of his dreams shattered that dream when she slept with his best friend. To expect a virgin when you want to plug anything that walks is a double standard. But there are instances that are going to bother you. Some guys can be married to call girls and never have a jeolous feeling. I'm not that mature I guess.

[Jackskeleton]

Originally posted by joltaddict


No because I wasnt a factor in any of those other relationships. It matters to you if youre an insecure person. I think the more doubts a person has about himself is directly proportional to how bad this upsets him.

it also matters on where it's been. I mean how many people here would hate to buy a used dvd because of scratchs? You can get a lot of scratchs on your relationship because if the past. if she has been hurt or carries emotional scars. or if she slept around because of those emtoinal "scratches".

also, it does matter about STD's and well.. just in general. I wouldnt really want to be with someone who's had more partners then a list can hold simply because you really don't know what they might have, what has or hasn't shown up yet in an STD test. etc.

so the past should matter in that small factor, but over all, it's the person you are with. remember that.