Possible first ever THREESOME opportunity approaches, advice sought!

[woofman]

Call me old fashioned, but I've never been involved in anything other than a 1-on-1 monogamous relationship before. Well, tomorrow after work my partner and I are meeting a friend of his out to shoot pool and then go have dinner. This person has expressed interest in "getting to know us" better, so my partner told me he would be up for having a threesome since I've never had one, but only if I felt comfortable and ready to give it a try myself. I haven't met this friend in person before so I suppose it will be easier to determine once I get to know him and can use my own instincts. Also I am confident that this will not put my own relationship at risk, but there is still that voice in the back of my head telling me to be careful anyways, as this is unchartered territory for me.

Any experienced otters, (or bears ;) ) that could give any valuable advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm getting a little nervous as the moment of truth approaches. I'm such a wimp :)

[bmello]

Originally posted by woofman
Also I am confident that this will not put my own relationship at risk, but there is still that voice in the back of my head telling me to be careful anyways, as this is unchartered territory for me.


I'm guessing you are a chick and your male partner is willing to share you with one of his buddies. Has he asked you about some payback with one of your girlfriends or is he just into watching dudes bang you? Will jealously put your relationship at risk...only you can answer that question. Let us know how it turns out!

[Big Quasimodo]

Originally posted by bmello


I'm guessing you are a chick and your male partner is willing to share you with one of his buddies.

Bad guess..... :D

Me, I wouldn't go for it while in a "lifetime" relationship, like my marriage. Too much time for unexpected regrets and other issues to develop.

If I was in a "serious, but not that serious" relationship, then I would go for it!

[tygloalex]

This is a homosexual relationship right?

[Gil Jawetz]

Make sure you're wearing your bear shirt!

<img src="http://images.cafepress.com/prodtn/2754543_F_tn.jpg"> (http://www.cafeshops.com/cp/store.aspx?s=oopsshirt)

[NYC Bi Cpl]

Question....How long have you and your partner been together? I ask because, in general, we will never play with another cpl who have been together less than a year...preferably 2 or more.

Cpls under a yr together are still trying to find themselves, and any outside play can seriously disrupt that fine-tuning going on

Other than that, my advice is to not play, and make it known you won't play, after this first meeting. This way the pressure is off to some extent and you can get a chance to actually get to know this other person. Then you can take that info and make a better judgement for the next time the 3 of you meet

[woofman]

Bmello- This is an all male relationship.

NYC Bi Cpl- We have been together for almost 1 year. I completely agree that it takes time for a couple to develop the dynamics necessary to be able to sustain (in a productive manner) the possible pressure & challenge that engaging in such extracurricular activities can bring between two people. I am confident that we have devolped those dynamics; including trust, communication, and understanding, plus neither of us are the jealous type. I feel confident that this could be a good experience, but I am by no means going to rush it just because the opportunity is there. I will follow my instincts after I get to know the person better and see what happens.

buskerdog- Cool shirt :) A bit more appropriate for my partner however since he's the bear. I have to be a bit more selective in my own personal attire since I'm more of an admirer ;)

[Gil Jawetz]

Originally posted by woofman

buskerdog- Cool shirt :) A bit more appropriate for my partner however since he's the bear. I have to be a bit more selective in my own personal attire since I'm more of an admirer ;)

heh heh. They've got "cub" shirts too...

[bmello]

Originally posted by woofman
Bmello- This is an all male relationship.


:hscratch: I guess the name woofman should have gave it away.

[woofman]

Originally posted by bmello


:hscratch: I guess the name woofman should have gave it away.

-biggrin-

[Cool Kitten]

dude, really...i don't believe in sharing. It changes the relationship fundamentally. I'm going on an assumption that h<w>omo and hetero relationships are the same. Had my guy been willing to share me i wouldn't be with him.

[damn_skippy]

My advise:

Don't blow it.

[woofman]

Cool Kitten: As far as the idea of the relationships being the same between hetero & ****, I would have to say yes & no. Of course all relationships require the basics to be sucessful; trust, communication, etc.... But for a relationship between two guys it gets a little trickier. First off there's the gay thing, granted in this day & age it is easier to live openly, however incorporating one's family, friends & co-workers into your life together can still be a bit more stressfull than it may appear on the surface. Secondly, we're guys-plain & simple. That in itself says a lot, just think of all the things that make guys-guys and multiply it by two, and it completely changes the dynamics of a relationship compared to the conventional guy/girl situation. Well, this may be a bad analogy, but our relationship being as strong as it is, having all the important bases covered, has allowed us to consider bringing in a third person to add to the enjoyment. In a sense we want to have our cake and eat it too. To have the stability of a loving relationship, but also experience the added excitement and variety that another person would bring. I would also say this is not a gesture to compensate for something the relationship is lacking, but rather just to enhance it, hell-we're guys! I guess it's like all the straight guys who fantasize about being with two women at the same time. I am however, not speaking from experience, but what I have felt thus far, and this is my take on the situation as of tonight. If anyone else can speak from experience, I would be interested in hearing their views.

damn-skippy: If that ain't the most conflicting answer you could tell a gay man I don't know what is. :)

So no, I didn't "blow it" tonight. We had a good visit with our friend, and plan to get together for dinner with him and his partner in the near future to get better aquainted, as it looks like we've made two new good friends. Who knows, this may get even kinkier yet! ;)

[Big Quasimodo]

Originally posted by woofman
[B]...but our relationship being as strong as it is, having all the important bases covered, has allowed us to consider bringing in a third person to add to the enjoyment. In a sense we want to have our cake and eat it too. To have the stability of a loving relationship, but also experience the added excitement and variety that another person would bring. I would also say this is not a gesture to compensate for something the relationship is lacking, but rather just to enhance it...
This is EXACTLY the same thought process a hetero couple would have that decided to try a threesome and is not unique to homosexual relationships.

I get your point - 2 guys can equal 2 horn-dogs. But there are some women horndogs too, and not all guys are willing to share their lover with another.

As a dissenter, my point about insidious (an unexpected) complications still stands. Gay or straight, you're still human, and humans (with those pesky emotions, and all) are unpredictable.

Only play if you don't mind risking the loss of what you have....

[damn_skippy]

My answer for a gay man:


Blow em all, get lots of lube, and wear a jimmy hat.

[woofman]

Originally posted by Big Quasimodo

This is EXACTLY the same thought process a hetero couple would have that decided to try a threesome and is not unique to homosexual relationships.

Agreed, I'm sort of figuring this out for myself as I write.

I get your point - 2 guys can equal 2 horn-dogs. But there are some women horndogs too, and not all guys are willing to share their lover with another.

As a dissenter, my point about insidious (an unexpected) complications still stands. Gay or straight, you're still human, and humans (with those pesky emotions, and all) are unpredictable.

Only play if you don't mind risking the loss of what you have....

The unpredictable emotion thing has been my biggest concern, not knowing how we will feel afterwards-if this event does ever take place. I know that we have to be completely ready emotionally for this to be a positive experience. Only then will we ever consider taking that step.

[Cool Kitten]

Originally posted by woofman
The unpredictable emotion thing has been my biggest concern, not knowing how we will feel afterwards-if this event does ever take place. I know that we have to be completely ready emotionally for this to be a positive experience. Only then will we ever consider taking that step. ok, her's my take on things:
had i been interested in a threesome a number of things would've worried me:
1. My SO's desire to have another woman would imply that i'm not enought
2. me thinking that she might be better than me and thus bringing all sorts of insecurities into our relationship.
3. me fearing that one thrill won't be enough for him and he'll want more, something that i might not be able to provide for him.
all these things would eventually end my relationship. But then i'm very posessive and monogamous, something you're obviously not.

[Big Quasimodo]

Originally posted by Cool Kitten
ok, her's my take on things:
had i been interested in a threesome a number of things would've worried me:
1. My SO's desire to have another woman would imply that i'm not enought
2. me thinking that she might be better than me and thus bringing all sorts of insecurities into our relationship.
3. me fearing that one thrill won't be enough for him and he'll want more, something that i might not be able to provide for him.
all these things would eventually end my relationship. But then i'm very posessive and monogamous, something you're obviously not.

Not to mention the haunting effects that certain visuals might have down the road......

I'm repeating myself (i have a tendency ;) ), but a threesome would hold GREAT interest for me...if I was more interested in the experience than I was in maintaining a long term relationship. Otherwise, too risky.

[woofman]

Originally posted by Cool Kitten
ok, her's my take on things:
had i been interested in a threesome a number of things would've worried me:
1. My SO's desire to have another woman would imply that i'm not enought
2. me thinking that she might be better than me and thus bringing all sorts of insecurities into our relationship.
3. me fearing that one thrill won't be enough for him and he'll want more, something that i might not be able to provide for him.
all these things would eventually end my relationship. But then i'm very posessive and monogamous, something you're obviously not.

Good points-that I also agree with, but I think my situation is a little different:

1. My S/O has already experienced a threesome way before we ever started dating, and only brought it up when he found out I hadn't had one and showed interest, having one isn't a big deal for him. Like myself however, he feels our relationship is strong enough to withstand the challenge, and will only persue it if I continue to show interest.

2. I would have thought this way with my last relationship, but not with this one. I know that we have a great bond, and if it wasn't meant to be forever, the experience will only magnify our weaknesses.

3. Knowing my partner's relationship history, and "who he is" as well as myself gives me no reason to fear this, as we have both maintained several year-long monogamous relationships each in the past.

While there is risk in everything one does, this situation does hold a bit more in regards to the stability of our relationship. Knowing how my partner feels about me, and how I feel about him, I have no qualms that this would be-(while slightly embarrasing at first for me-believe it or not, I'm quite shy in this respect) overall a liberating experience that we will both look back at and smile.

[Jack Straw]

Originally posted by Cool Kitten
dude, really...i don't believe in sharing. It changes the relationship fundamentally. I'm going on an assumption that h<w>omo and hetero relationships are the same. Had my guy been willing to share me i wouldn't be with him. And this point is hammered home very well in "Chasing Amy".

[sexy_overlord]

I really don't have any advice. I'm still waiting on my first twosome.

Thanks for leaving more girls out there for me. ;)