Too naive to get laid? Let us count the ways

[Buttmunker]

I wasn't always the sexual predator I am now. There are a few spotty moments in my past where I could have had sex, but was too stupid (naive) to pick up on the "signs."

1) Age 11: in my father's high-rise apartment building, and I befriend a girl who lives on a lower floor. We're in the elevator together, and she leans over to kiss me. I shy away. She gets aggressive (she's about 12 or so) and corners me. She darts her head in to kiss me, I keep dodging my head. We part, and two weeks later I'm back to visit my dad, and I finally decide to "get with it." So I go down to where I knew her apartment was, but apparently she didn't live there, only visited like I did. I never saw her again.

2) Age 20: I go hiking in the mountains with this girl I had enough guts to ask out in a supermarket (she was a cashier, and I was a lowly bag boy) when it starts to pour! We continue on our hike, and when we reach the summit, she's shivering. I warm her up by rubbing her arms briskly. She's warming up, and tilting her head a bit in my direction. I realize now that she was looking for me to kiss her, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. I realize now that I was a fool.

3) Age 29: I'm working at my desk in the office when there's a knock at the door. I get up to answer, and its the hot older chick from across the hall. She has a private office, and she needed help with her printer. Nice guy that I am, I go across the hall to see what I can do. I'm sitting there in her chair, and realize that the printer doesn't work because it is unplugged. I turn, and she's right there leaning over me with her cleavage 2" from my face. A sign? If so, I'm so blind that I kick myself.

Anyone else?

[BigPete]

Well, I would question your notion that any or all of those scenarios would have ended in sex, but yes, you are a fool for not giving the girls what they want, even if it is no more than a kiss.

[kenny79]

I was in 8th or 9th grade and in study hall (with at least a couple dozen other students). A female friend/fellow genius/one of the hottest girls in my grade came over to ask me about math problems. Pretty soon she was running her hand up and down my calf (I was wearing shorts), but I just kept talking math stuff (quite nervously, natch). I think my nonreaction was a combination of not having anything like this happen to me before and being fairly sure she had a boyfriend. For a damn long time I wasn't sure if this was a dream or if it really happened. Pretty sure it's real.

[MJKTool]

lol, im not too sure any of those scenarios would equate to you automatically getting laid, especially the printer story :D

[yecul]

The first one... well, no big deal, you were too young anyway. The last doesn't matter because it's a coworker. If you're wrong, it'd suck. The middle, oh well, we all botch up the first date.

How about this one, one of my neighbors in college and I got downtown to get some drinks w/ a couple other people. Then we head back and hang at her place w/ a big group. We end up going to my place, to my ROOM, and for some f-ed up reason I make no move.

Easily could have nailed hear. No question in my mind now, but obviously I wasn't quite sure. Confidence yecul, confidence. :)

[MasterofDVD]

From the first time I had sex at 15 I never let an opportunity pass me by. I admit that this way of living caused me a few problems now and then. I had a couple dozen girlfriends between the age of 15 and 19 when I met my current wife. I had far more %*ck buddies than I did girlfriends too. I've never had a time where I thought I was getting a sign to proceed and then found out I was wrong or read her the wrong way.

If you think you are getting the go ahead, and not tied down at the moment, I say go for it.

[Dr. DVD]

While it wasn't sex, there was an opportunity for my to get a GF when I was in college. This girl was a Freshman when I was a Sophmore, and we had a lot in common. One Saturday afternoon she was in her room playing music and working on a jigsaw puzzle. I went in their to speak to her a little bit and decided to go back up to my room. She said to feel free to come back down anytime because she was alone and didn't have anyone to really speak to at the time. Instead I went up to my room and fell asleep. :( Another time came when she sat down next to me and asked me how I was doing while rubbing my leg. Being somewhat brainwashed by the campus ministry I was in at the time concerning morals, I didn't really think much of it. The next fall she came back and seemed still interested in me. I was going to ask her out when classes started but alas she rushed and joined a sorority. I was not in a frat and had no intentions of joining, so the rest, they say, is history. :(

In terms of an actual chance, there was a night when the UK Wildcats won the national title in NCAA Basketball and the whole campus started celebrating. Granted, the college was not UK, and it looked pathetic and sad for the most part IMO. But then again, state schools in KY tend to have a lot of UK wannabes attending and that's really not important to the story!!!
Knowing the bar scene would be hopping that night, I asked a girl standing in our lobby that I knew was a big partier to go to local pub with me. She accepted and we proceeded to go and drink. However, she went on to get totally sloshed and go party-hopping around the area (again, how pathetic of my school, WE WEREN'T UK!!!) . She made out with a guy who had a GF that wasn't around that night, and I drove her drunk a$$ back to the dorm. I took her to her room and she proceeded to put her arms around me and said "thanks" for taking care of her that night. She then proceeded to lay down on her bed and look at me with inviting eyes.

WARNING!!! YOU ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT THE EXTENT TO WHICH MY GEEK NATURE REACHES!!

I told her goodnight and went back up to my room because I had a presentation to make on the action movie genre the next day in my film class. Also, earlier that afternoon I had gone to a local comic shop and gotten the autograph and shaken the hand of David Prowse (aka Darth Vader, the man in the suit). Most of the time afterwards, I wasn't thinking about the girl, but "WOW! I met Darth Vader today dude!"

[isamu]

Always ALWAYS go for it!

[Buttmunker]

Originally posted by yecul
The last doesn't matter because it's a coworker. If you're wrong, it'd suck.

No, no. She wasn't a co-worker at all. She worked in a different office altogether.

But you know what, back then I would have needed a "sign" that read she's ripping my clothes off, so I guess its okay to make a move.

Age 16 (yes, there's more): This girl I'm dating in high school is a real fast mover, but not all that attractive. But hey, I'm a virgin, so what the hay, right? We're alone down by the water, and she and I are making out like crazy. She allows me to take her jeans off, and I have mine off by no doings of her's. In other words, she expected everything, but offered no assistance. I was on my own. She wouldn't even touch me "down there," so that was a problem for me. Essentially, I needed to feel like I was with a real woman, and not some blow-up doll. This story is kind of irrevelant because I'm making "my move," but she was as boring as the wall street journal (to quote Bud from "Wall Street"). To make a long story short, I couldn't get a solid erection, so I didn't F her.

In hind sight, I'm glad because I didn't have any protection with me, and if things had been slightly different, I'd have a 17-year old kid now.

[TheKing]

I think most men have had opportunities to step up to the plate only to see the game end while standing in the on deck circle.

I can remember back when I was 22, I got a lift home from work with a lady friend of a friend of mine. As the ride progressed, I actually learned that she was his wife, although he never introduced her as such. It also didn't seem to fit that a married guy would as much of a wandering eye as he would, but I'm getting off the subject here.

Anyways, we get back to my place, and she's not in a big rush to get anywhere, so we sit in the car for a while talking. Eventully the talk drifts over to her hubby's infidelity as well as their sex life.

Typically, when a woman talks about her masturbation techniques it means one of two things...she's either interested in getting more than conversation out of this, or that she views the other person without the least bit of sexual interest. Since I knew she and I had some chemistry, I assume it was the former rather than the latter.

Of course back then my head wasn't as clear as it is now. I could have had her very easily, but instead I let that fastball go right down the middle and struck out. It was probably the best decision. I mean she was married to a friend, even if their marriage wasn't going to last much longer, it's still not a very good situation.

Of course, it's always nice to look back at these moments and say to yourself "I could have nailed her if I wanted" and not have it be some self-diluted lie. It's just a shame you can't save these sure things for a time when you really need them...

[Saxofonix]

self-diluted :-)

[bigsoos]

Originally posted by Dr. DVD
Also, earlier that afternoon I had gone to a local comic shop and gotten the autograph and shaken the hand of David Prowse (aka Darth Vader, the man in the suit). Most of the time afterwards, I wasn't thinking about the girl, but "WOW! I met Darth Vader today dude!"

OMG!

[GreenEggs248]

One time at band camp.....




oh nevermind..

[Iron Chef]

Dr DVD, you seriously need to slap yourself for that last one.

[cidmo]

One time at the State Fair in Michigan, I was in 8th or 9th grade and w/my dad and wearing a Michigan State sweatshirt. Some super hot chick (especially for that age) approaches and asks if I'm going to Michigan State too! Stupidly I say, "uh, no," and she walks off.

UGH.

I could've at least walked around w/this college age hottie. But no, of course not.

[joltaddict]

Originally posted by Dr. DVD
She then proceeded to lay down on her bed and look at me with inviting eyes. I told her goodnight and went back up to my room because I had a presentation to make on the action movie genre the next day in my film class. Also, earlier that afternoon I had gone to a local comic shop and gotten the autograph and shaken the hand of David Prowse (aka Darth Vader, the man in the suit). Most of the time afterwards, I wasn't thinking about the girl, but "WOW! I met Darth Vader today dude!"

You dont deserve a penis. Return it.

[sfsdfd]

You'll probably enjoy this one...

1996 - I'm, uh, 22. I met some friends for a Jimmy Buffett concert in Columbus. A good friend had brought his girlfriend and her friend, some army chick. She was about average and a little weak on personality, but undoubtedly she had a pretty nice body.

So we're standing near each other in the concert, enjoying - I think - Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw. And this army girl leans over to me and says, <b>"<i>I'm</i> not doing anything tonight."</b>

Here's where David gets stupid.

I'd had a run of outrageously bad luck with women over the previous three years or so - I was used to getting brushed off. My English-language skills had kind of gotten routed in that direction through experience.

I interpreted her comment to mean: "I'm not going to be doing anything with you tonight, so don't even think about it."

It was only on the drive home the next day that I realized, holy crap, I couldn't've been more wrong. A dumbass am I.

(It didn't really matter. I'd brought a friend from Cleveland to the concert, and she didn't know anyone else in the whole city - had I hooked up with ye olde armye chicke, I would've been ditching my friend in an unfamiliar town.)

- David Stein

[icondude]

I think we should Shaggalize some of these stories. Espically the one from the original post.

[Trevor]

My worst moment in this matter was back when I was about 22. I had been flirting with this hot nurse from work who was about 30, and I ended up being alone with her at her place after her Christmas party. We start making out, end up on her couch getting pretty intense, and she asks me, 'Is there any reason why we shouldn't be doing this?'
I make the biggest fumble of my life by saying, 'Besides you being older than me, no.'
Needless to say, the makeout session soon ended and I never kissed her again. And I kick myself everytime I think of her and her incredibly firm petite body under that nursing skirt/top.

off to find my steel-tipped boots.....

[bigsoos]

:lol: @ Trevor!!!

[kantonburg]

hmmm....nope can't think of any right now :)

[yecul]

Holy **** Trevor, you dumb mother ****er.

Hahaha.... that blows.

[Trevor]

Originally posted by yecul
Holy **** Trevor, you dumb mother ****er.

Hahaha.... that blows.

Yep, that was me years ago.

I'm a little better at taking advantage of situations now. But I still mess things up by saying 'I love you' way too soon sometimes.

[Gunshy]

He he, I've had a couple missed opportunities m'self. However, looking back, I don't think I might have missed so much

http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~hsdept/faculty/brandt/bullet.jpghttp://www.ameliortech.com/images/babies.jpghttp://www.falcon.cz/film/pekelnazenska/hlavni.jpg

at least this is how I console me poor old celibate self ;)

-Gunshy

[Jason]

Our office sponsors continuing education seminars, and once I had a Kelly temp working the registration table with me. Told me how she was recently divorced and all that. Good looking mid 30's woman. Anyhow, we talked throughout the day, and she seemed really nice. When it came time to leave, she gave me her timeslip and told me to "Put your big John Hancock right there!" So I signed it and she left.

I'm so retarded.

[Michael Corvin]

Originally posted by Dr. DVD
WARNING!!! YOU ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT THE EXTENT TO WHICH MY GEEK NATURE REACHES!!

Not to defend your geekdom, but I can't agree with anyone that would take advantage of a drunk chick anyway. It's just not right. IMO.