Woman's Orgasms......who is responsible for them?

[So_Cal_SAHM]

When you are making love/having sex do you believe it is the woman's responsibility to achieve orgasm or is it the males responsibility to help her achieve it?

I have been told it's my responsibility if I want an orgasm. I'm hoping this is wrong :(

[RandyC]

It's nice if you help. I think it's the guy's job to make it happen or die trying.

[Giantrobo]

God has a sense of humor.

He gave women about 20 different types of orgasms AND allowed them to gain a burst of energy after said orgasms.

Guys are given one and then nap time and never mind the fact that they have to change a part of their body into a different shape and hardness and MAINTAIN this until -she_...if in fact he actually gives a damn about her- reaches her point. :lol:

Of course if he's lucky, he'll hook up with a Multi-orgasmic chick. Once he gets the 1st orgasm going, he can go watch the rest of Gilmore Girls while she cums 10 or 15 more times following the initial one. :lol:


With all that said, it's the guy's responsibilty.

[Bushdog]

Woman's Orgasms......who is responsible for them?

Easter Bunny

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Well God must be laughing pretty hard at me everytime I'm having sex!

20 different types huh? I would take one or two on a regular basis and be happy. I'm not asking for much. Just a little pleasure from the hands other than myself.

I wish I knew that my life would be filled with self pleasure orgasms before I made this life comittment to one man. Oh well, sometimes you get the short end of the stick!

[Bushdog]

Have you given him pointers? Has he tried using your toys on you? Is there anything obvious you can think of that he needs to do?

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Long story short........we have been together since highschool and when we dated I didn't know anything about sex. He was my first and I assumed we were doing what everyone else was doing. Well being young and nieve here I sit 15 years later knowing that I'm not getting everything I deserve sexually.

From day one of our relationship he has never been into oral sex. For the longest time I thought it had to do with me but it has to do with him. It's just not his thing.

He can get me off but only using his fingers. I would like to experience more if you know what I mean. I have gotten oral sex from others and have no problem and no complaints.

Do I go the rest of my life sexually dissatisfied?

[costanza187]

Im surprised some of these horndogs havent volunteer to help you out rotfl

[JimRochester]

It's your responsibility to provide the information so he can do it right. Communication on what feels best is your job. Being a thoughtful and considerate lover is his job. Many women especially after having kids can only experience an orgasm with the direct stimulation provided by fingers or tongue. Being on top and in control can also help.

If it's been awhile and I know I might go quick, I'm more apt to make sure the little woman has an orgasm before intercourse. She loves oral, and I love to accomodate. She also has intense G-spot orgasms. Care is needed because of how deep you need to reach.

If the guy thinks it's your job, what in God's name do you need him for?

[TomOpus]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
He can get me off but only using his fingers. I would like to experience more if you know what I mean. I have gotten oral sex from others and have no problem and no complaints.

Do I go the rest of my life sexually dissatisfied? When I was married, my wife was my first. Her (and I, to a point) weren't into oral sex. After we split I found out how to do it well, and after seeing how much women love it, I now love doing it. It makes me happy to see them happy :)

I think your SO should work on bettering his oral skills and maybe he will learn to love it. I'm sure there's an older thread floating about getting better at it. As Jim said, communication is very important.

[jaelliot]

Originally posted by costanza187
Im surprised some of these horndogs havent volunteer to help you out rotfl

Now that you mention it...... I do have references. My wife says I am a god at going down on here, I could run it by her......

Sadly, I am just kidding but I have seen your pictures and just let me say if I was your husband, you would not get much sleep, or work done for that matter. You are a very attractive woman.

[twikoff]

Originally posted by jaelliot
Now that you mention it...... I do have references. My wife says I am a god at going down on here, I could run it by her......


on here? *backs up slowly*


;)

[Boot]

PICS DAMNIT!!!111!!1!

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by Boot
PICS DAMNIT!!!111!!1! Go to her website, smarty.:p

[MJKTool]

Originally posted by Bushdog
Go to her website, smarty.:p

stalker!

[McHawkson]

Originally posted by Bushdog
Go to her website, smarty.:p

:lol:

[NCMojo]

I would have to say this is a no-brainer. Of course a woman's orgasm is the man's "responsibility". (Doesn't seem like a chore to me, actually...) Just as the man's orgasm should be the woman's responsibility -- if I have sex with my wife and I don't get off, then I would expect her to... oh, who am I kidding. Like most men, I can have an orgasm in less time than it takes to frost a cupcake.

(And no, I have never tried to test out this assertation. Really! Here! Try a cupcake...)

[spainlinx0]

Did you try maybe using your fingers on your own clitoris during intercourse or having him do that for you? Maybe you just need a little extra stimulation.

[Buford T Pusser]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
Long story short........we have been together since highschool and when we dated I didn't know anything about sex. He was my first and I assumed we were doing what everyone else was doing.

I have gotten oral sex from others and have no problem and no complaints.



Well it sounds like you've fit others into the picture at some point.

More of the same?

[Buford T Pusser]

Originally posted by costanza187
Im surprised some of these horndogs havent volunteer to help you out rotfl

Perple Nerple did in another thread. Could be any day now. :p

[Buck Turgidson]

To listen to most women telling it, these days it's a tag team of Russell Crowe and the Energizer Bunny.

[Parcher]

So Cal leave the whimp! Honestly, that's so lame.

[Billy Madison]

Originally posted by ncmojo
(And no, I have never tried to test out this assertation. Really! Here! Try a cupcake...)

Or would you prefer a chocolate covered pretzel??? ;)

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Communication........been there done that

Therapy.......been there done that

Results yielded......improvement for a short period of time then falls back to current status.

Is this just a matter of him not wanting to change???

[Frankenlola]

Wow, women can have orgasm now? :confused:

When did this happen?




:lol:

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM

Is this just a matter of him not wanting to change??? Or you not willing to accept him for what he is?

Sounds like your issue is that he won't go down on you. Is there no other way you can get off that he might be more interested in?

[AGuyNamedMike]

That's a damn_shame, you are very attractive, and your openness as evidenced by your posts indicates you could be a sexual monster. I don't know what to tell you, sorry. Good luck, though!

[jaelliot]

Originally posted by Bushdog
Or you not willing to accept him for what he is?

Sounds like your issue is that he won't go down on you. Is there no other way you can get off that he might be more interested in?

How is it fair for her that she doesn't get to enjoy being ate out?

My wife likes back rubs, I don't like giving them in particular. Guess what? That's right, I am a back rubbing fool. Why? Because she likes it and it is not a huge deal for me to do it. Not that it should matter to him, but she is a very nice looking gal, if she wants to get her ***** ate then he should do it for her. If he hates it that much then he should let her get it somewhere else. I am positive there are lots of people she probably already knows that would love to do it. You only live once, and to me life is about experiences, experience love, hate, pleasure and pain, and anything sexual you would like to do, you better do it.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

I appreciate all of those that have responded regarding this topic. I thought I would share a little bit more just to give you an idea of what is going on here at home.

Since he doesn't go down on me I stopped many, many years ago going down on him. So in reality I'm living with a guy who doesn't eat you know what or receive blow jobs. So basically I'm left with penetration and self stimulation and that's it.

So would you guys be able to be in a life long comittment without going down on your woman AND not getting blow jobs? Before anyone asks.......he doesn't mind living like this and that boggles my mind!

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by jaelliot
How is it fair for her that she doesn't get to enjoy being ate out? At some point she needs to realize she won't get exactly what she wants from him. She then has a handful of options.

1) Cheat on him to finjd a guy to please her. Not sure she's up for this, though I can't tell by some posts.
2) Whine about it, do nothing and ruin an otherwise fine relationship with resentment.
3) Compel him to change. Not sure how this is possible
4) Divorce him because he doesn't want to eat her out, but is otherwise a fine husband (I'd love to see that filing).
5) Make the best of the situation and see if she can't find a way to get off that they can enjoy better.

If you're busy focusing on what's fair or not, I'm pretty surprised you're still married. Relationships require compromise, even when it isn't the fairest for you.

[jaelliot]

Originally posted by Bushdog


If you're busy focusing on what's fair or not, I'm pretty surprised you're still married. Relationships require compromise, even when it isn't the fairest for you.

Thanks for not bothering to read past my first sentence...
If you had you would have read about how I "compromise by rubbing my wife's back because she likes it and it is not a big deal to me to do it, even though I would never desire to do it on my own. I hope you read others posts more carefully before giving your advice.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Compromise yes and I feel like for the past 15 years I have been compromising. When will he if ever?

Option 1......Have been doing this for the past year
Option 2......I seem to whine to others instead of him more
Option 3......I need to work on this more
Option 4......That's where I struggle.....divorce over sex seems really shallow.
Option 5......We both seem to get into this mode but things just dont seem to continue

Other than the sexual part of our relationship things are as close to perfect as they can be. I have no complaints. I just hear all the time about couples who are not sexually compatible and I wonder if that's enough to walk away from everything?

I know......getting too deep for the mature section huh? :)

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by jaelliot
Thanks for not bothering to read past my first sentence...
If you had you would have read about how I "compromise by rubbing my wife's back because she likes it and it is not a big deal to me to do it, even though I would never desire to do it on my own. I hope you read others posts more carefully before giving your advice. Then you weren't disagreeing with me to begin with. Why did you bother to post when what you were really saying is, "You're right she needs to find a way that will make them both happy."

I apologize for giving her decent advice and by being confused by your post.

[jaelliot]

Originally posted by Bushdog
Then you weren't disagreeing with me to begin with. Why did you bother to post when what you were really saying is, "You're right she needs to find a way that will make them both happy."

I apologize for giving her decent advice and by being confused by your post.

You are not telling her to compromise, you are telling her tough luck if you want to be ate out, go find another way to get off. He should be the one to compromise and do it for her. I hope to hell you are either not married or your wife does not feel sex is important in a relationship, for her sake.

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
Compromise yes and I feel like for the past 15 years I have been compromising. When will he if ever?

Option 1......Have been doing this for the past year
Option 2......I seem to whine to others instead of him more
Option 3......I need to work on this more
Option 4......That's where I struggle.....divorce over sex seems really shallow.
Option 5......We both seem to get into this mode but things just dont seem to continue

Other than the sexual part of our relationship things are as close to perfect as they can be. I have no complaints. I just hear all the time about couples who are not sexually compatible and I wonder if that's enough to walk away from everything?

I know......getting too deep for the mature section huh? :) Ok, so we've established that you're cheating on him. Yet your relationship is fairly perfect? From where I stand that is difficult for me to understand. I won't judge your relationship but if I felt compelled to share something as intimate as sex with another person, without my significant other's knowledge, I would say that our relationship was in a shitload of trouble.

Since you're sharing. Is the the infidelity sex only, or is the heart involved at all?

[So_Cal_SAHM]

There have been sex only and full blown relationship type affairs.

I agree that there is trouble in our marriage but more so now then before. I know that I hold all the power because if I wanted my marriage to work then I would have to quit all outside activity and give 100% to my husband. I know how to fix my marriage. I just wonder sometimes if it is truly fixable.

[Bushdog]

Well, you are making a choice every time you're sleeping with another guy (or girl, or whatever) other than your husband. You are choosing to ignore the bonds of marriage, the better or worse ****, etc. . . and instead focus on you above him. That's not to say he's faultless. Maybe he's a horrible bastard who isn't worthy of you. But still you are making a choice.

My advice would be for you to cut out the side **** and ask him to go to couples therapy with you. That is *if* you want to save your marriage. If you don't, do the honorable thing and end it. If you ever cared for him, think of how you betray him every day that you let strange cock inside of you.

Assuming your son is his child, then this complicates it even more. If you love your son and think that a home with you and your husband is right for him, then you should probably do all you can to preserve that home (like stopping the affairs and trying to put more effort into fixing the relationship).

I wish you luck, I really do. But there's a lot more wrong here than you not getting eaten out.

Please take my comments in the spirit they are given. I'm doing what I can to avoid being too judgemental.

[RandyC]

I agree with Bushdog. And the one thing I wonder about... just a thought...

If you wanted to ahve an affair and sexual involvements (and don't most people?)... then there is a motivation to make your husband the bad guy, because then it was okay for you to seek out other men. How does your husband deserve that? Well, because he would not go down on you.

That (IMO) is not enough reason to cheat.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

I agree that is not enough reason to cheat and that is not the full motivation for the affairs. Over this past year what I seek from the affairs has changed.

I think we went off the topic a little bit and I don't want this to be an issue of justification of my affairs.

Like I mentioned before. I have the power to make my marraige anything and everything I want. I think right now I need to figure out what it is I truly want.

P.S. Yes the son we have together is ours

[TomOpus]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
I think right now I need to figure out what it is I truly want.
This is very true and very hard to decide. You have a child and a 15 year relationship in the balance. It's very scary to think of being on your own. I've been there. My marriage lasted 18 1/2 years. But we both agreed it was in the best interest of all parties. Don't think of the amount of time invested. Look ahead for better things.

If therapy is not an option, I'm not sure what else you can do other than sit him down for a heart-to-heart. Keep your options open and remember you both deserve to be happy, along with your son.

[Giantrobo]

Originally posted by AGuyNamedMike
That's a damn_shame, you are very attractive, and your openness as evidenced by your posts indicates you could be a sexual monster. I don't know what to tell you, sorry. Good luck, though!


I agree with AGNM.

I'm sorry he's not trying his best to give you what you need. :(

Guys need to know that "Trying their best" to give a woman what she needs sexually is half the battle. She will meet him halfway if she feels like he's taking care of her.

I hate to ask this but is he into other sexual outlets like porn, strip clubs, or has he cheated?

Sometimes any one of these can cause a guy to lose interest in his SO's sexual needs.

Other times it can "help" with his SO. But that's a touchy subject.

[twikoff]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM

Option 4......That's where I struggle.....divorce over sex seems really shallow.


probably.. but cheating is a pretty solid reason for divorce

[Buford T Pusser]

I've now been married 13 years and I have to say :thumbsup: to Bushdog and RandyC's posts.

[costanza187]

I think twikoff is right!

[AGuyNamedMike]

Whoa! I don't know you were cheating. That is horrible. I know, I destroyed my first marriage by cheating and I bear the scars on my soul still. Yes, you can certainly try to save this marriage, but if you don't keep your knees together what's the point? You have said what you need to do, DECIDE. If you decide to try to save it, nail your husband down and get thee both to a therapist. If not, do yourselves a favor and divorce. Well, I still wish you the best of luck. And, whether you go to couples therapy or not, you need it. You may not realize it right now, but you will suffer emotionally until you deal with the cheating. A (platonic) hug for you.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

I think some of you missed that I did mention we have been to therapy. It started back in March and we went as a couple and I have also gone by myself. The therapist told us to take a month off and see how things go. Well I think it's about time I head back in there and get the rest of the issues resolved so I can make a final decision.

Maybe I should have kept these outside activities to myself. I didn't want this thread to be about cheating.

[Nick Danger]

It's the man's responsibility to help a woman reach orgasm.

I think that it's sad that your husband doesn't care enough to satisfy you sexually. That seems very strange to me, since sex where only I orgasm is no different than masturbation. I could use an inflatable doll to achieve the same results.

I have no problem with someone having sex with a third person. But that is only true if the partner is aware and consents. Swingers can be happy. Couples with a mistress can be happy. Deceitful actions will rarely result in happiness.

[Bushdog]

Originally posted by Nick Danger
. . .
I think that it's sad that your husband doesn't care enough to satisfy you sexually. . . . Wow, you know her husband and his motivations?

[gcribbs]

I think when you are in a relationship it is both people's responsibility to help each other achieve pleasure from sex. If you do not communicate what you want then you are more than likely going to remain unfufilled sexually.


As far as the cheating goes. i do not think your relationship will ever be fixed until you decide why you cheated in the first place. I doubt it was just because of not having an orgasm with your husband. I also wonder how you can repair the relationship without disclosing the cheating since I believe a good relationship rests on mutual trust and honesty. What will your husband do if he finds out?

Good Luck!

[Nick Danger]

Originally posted by Bushdog

quote:Originally posted by Nick Danger
. . .I think that it's sad that your husband doesn't care enough to satisfy you sexually. . . .

Wow, you know her husband and his motivations?

She started this thread by saying that her husband told her that her orgasm is her own responsibility. She has said that she wants to be satisfied by the hands of another, and implies that she wants that to be her husband.

Her husband may well care enough about her or their relationship or the marriage to satisfy her sexually, but is unwilling to do so because of some other motivation.

It's still sad.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

My husband knows about the cheating that's why he wanted us to go to a therapist. My cheating was in NO way related to him not sexually satisfying me. There were other issues at the time that lead me astray.

[JimRochester]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM

Is this just a matter of him not wanting to change???

Bingo! We have a winner Johnny, tell her what she won!

Well she is the proud owner of a selfish jerk that seems to be only interested in his own pleasure and not hers.


Most people get as much pleasure from giving as well as receiving. When my wife hits climax it gets me so excited. I love it. On the rare occasion she is unable to have one, I generally don't or can't finish either. It's just not fun that way.

[sracer]

So_Cal, it was not a mistake to mention the extramarital affairs. The dynamics of a marriage relationship are very complex. There is usually a root-cause from which everything else stems from. The affairs, his unwillingness to satisfy you, etc. are all part of that bigger picture.

Sometimes it is a childhood trauma, a previous relationship, etc. These don't excuse the situation, but may help to explain it.

Other than the sexual part of our relationship things are as close to perfect as they can be. I have no complaints.

Considering the other things that you have said, I find it difficult to believe that the other aspects of your relationship are as good as you make them sound. A couple's intimate relationship is typically a reflection of their overall relationship... because the emotional aspect is just as (if not more) important than the physical part.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I think that is a good place to start.

I'm not judging you, but offering my viewpoint from what (little) I see. You obviously know the situation in far greater detail, so please take these comments with that in mind.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

sracer......I appreciate your comments very much.

This past weekend I suggested we start seeing a sex therapist and needless to say that didn't go over very well. So maybe I will go to one by myself and learn more about me and what I truly need from him?

[TomOpus]

Best of luck to ya, So_Cal. Keep the faith that things can eventually work out, somehow. :up: