What makes someone "terrible in bed"?

[Toad]

I read all sorts of magazines or hear people talking about people being "terrible in bed". What does it mean to you? For girls, for guys?

I may sound stupid....but how can a woman be bad in bed??

[fishdude]

If she just lays there I would consider it not good.

[bigsoos]

Originally posted by fishdude
If she just lays there I would consider it not good.

Yes, being dead wood kills the mood.

I guess not knowing what/how to please the other constitutes being "bad" in the sack.

[Face/Off]

If she's going down on you and BITES your penis off... that's bad.

[JimRochester]

A wedding ring

[Shades30]

how about no penis to start with

Originally posted by Face/Off
If she's going down on you and BITES your penis off... that's bad.

[NoDAK]

If she's better hung that you.

Originally posted by JimRochester
A wedding ring

Wait. That's bad? I thought that meant no strings attached.

[bigsoos]

anytime there's two guys, and one isn't gay... thats' bad

[highper]

from a girl's p.o.v. i don't like when the guy is too involved in getting himself off and leaves me in the dust.
or if he tires to be too kinky.

wait one more, i don't like if the guy just smothers me if he's on top- that sucks.

[Buford T Pusser]

If you're having intercourse and you start thinking "a coffee can would be tighter".

Also a woman that sucks too hard and uses her teeth until you are red and raw.

[victant]

When they keep saying, "ouch!" every few seconds. :down:

[Thrush]

When she looks over at the clock and says "If youre not finished in the next 5 minutes its going to cost you another hundred".

[krkuhl]

Originally posted by bigsoos
Yes, being dead wood kills the mood.


yeah, kills it for us women, too ;)

from what i have heard from my male friends, it is difficult to say what makes a woman bad in bed. they range from one extreme of moving too much/not enough, too quiet/loud, too kinky/too boring.

advice i have heard from them:
--movement is good, swinging off the light fixtures is not
--some noise to show you are enjoying yourself or to give clues about what you like is nice. yelling loud enough to get the cops called, not a good idea
--get on top. stay on top even after your legs get tired
--two words: blowjobs and kegels. learn them, use them

now, from the feamle POV... for those of you whoare like, sheesh, who cares??? allow me to remind you that a woman who is pleased is more inclined to have sex more often and to please you!

unlike highper (sorry, i just go to prove that each woman likes things different. yes, we are complicated creatures!), i LOOOOOVE the feeling of a guy being on top and crushing me. very erotic. what does this mean? no, it doesnt mean eat 4 large pizza'a every day and then come court me. it just means that different women want different things.
--dont be afraid to ask what she likes/wants. some women are reluctant to tell or talk about it (i say sucks to be them, they deserve not getting pleased!)
--listen to her reactions and watch her face and body language for a roadmap on what she likes. a lot of women will tell you if the want to make love or fcuk like a demon by the speed and aggressiveness of their kisses. pay attention.
--dont have your "routine" or things you do. what works great for one woman probably doesnt work for the next. if you are going through a mental checklist of things to do, we'll figure it out. dont always do what you want to do to get us off. not every girl likes to get pounded from start to finish. then again, some do :D
--talk after sex. most women are more relaxed then and more likely to discuss what worked, didnt work, fantasies, etc
--the clitoris is NOT a scratch off lottery ticket, despite what you see in lesbian scenes in pornos. fast is ok for some chicks but gentle is the key word. nails, just like teeth on the male member, should never be used unless you are verrrrry skilled!
--you can never go wrong with gently caressing and rubbing a body to start things.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

A guy that can't read a woman's signals

and/or

A guy that doesn't know how to use his penis to ensure maximum pleasure.

[Lastblade]

The musical group, Limp Bizkit, comes to mind.

[Jack Straw]

Krkuhl - As always, it is great to hear a very astute and active woman's POV about the many sexual topics that get discussed here on this forum. Thanks for contributing!

[Toad]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
A guy that can't read a woman's signals

and/or

A guy that doesn't know how to use his penis to ensure maximum pleasure.

Can you be more specific, and/or instructional? :)

[filmerp]

Turn off: inexperience. I've been with girls who seemed afraid to place their hands on 'certain places.' They actually told me that they didn't know what to do and asked me to show them... I suppose it's fair enough if a girl hasn't had too much experience or instruction, but I really don't want to have to draw a diagram like I'm teaching a class.
In short, I like confidence and agressiveness in bed. Someone who's not afraid to grab and scratch all over, make me feel like an animal.

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Originally posted by Toad
Can you be more specific, and/or instructional? :)

Reading a woman's signals:
When a woman is moaning, groaning, grabbing your head and grinding her pelvis into your face are good things. Don't stop or change what you are doing. As long as you are not with a dead fish you should be able to see and hear the reactions and work from that to insure maximum pleasure.

Penis movement:
The penis can do much more than just the standard in and out motion. There are long, medium and short strokes. There is fast and slow for speed and of course the angle at which to enter her at. You need to keep changing it up or she will get bored.

Also positions and imagination are key to keeping things fun.

[Nick Danger]

Good in bed:
1) Pays attention to me and what's working for me (that day).
2) Isn't afraid to experiment.
3) Is willing to learn something new.
4) Gives me clear signals about what's working for her (that day).
5) Plays to her strengths. If she can't do some things, she's aware of it and goes with what she does well.

Bad in bed:
Just lies there (Violates 1 and 4).
Goes by the numbers (Violates 1, 2, and 3).
Is like a "coffee can" or some other fault (Violates 1, 2, and 5).
No oral, or something else (Violates 1, 2, and 3).

Most important for being good in bed:
6) Wants to please me. Will do what it takes.
7) Willing to be pleased by me. Will help me take her there.

[Nick Danger]

Wait . . .

Toad, didn't you just get married?

[suziq999]

Poor Jim. Do you ever talk to your wife about that ... issue that seems to be prevalent in your relationship??

To be bad in bed:
- try and dig to China, not realizing the goods are on the soil
- thinks 3 minutes is a new record
- making *wierd* noises
- insisting on bizarre positions ALWAYS

I am also in agreement with kristine, I dig a man on top.

[boston george]

Originally posted by Toad

I may sound stupid....but how can a woman be bad in bed??

When she has a penis :( Trust me. I've been fooled before.

[BlackBeauty92]

eeewwww

[Lethal Nemesis]

Originally posted by boston george
When she has a penis :( Trust me. I've been fooled before.
Dude, you must be traumatized. Have you sought help? :p

[boston george]

Originally posted by Lethal Nemesis
Dude, you must be traumatized. Have you sought help? :p

Hey just cause you're not comfortable enough in your own sexuality to admit to being turned on by a girl with a penis doesn't mean the rest of us lead such BORING sex lives!

Sorry it just had to be done :lol: And yes I was joking :D

[Toad]

Originally posted by Nick Danger
Wait . . .

Toad, didn't you just get married?

Sure did! I don't think it's relevant at all, b/c this isn't a personal question, but I got married and love it. Just curious b/c I think it's thrown around WAY too much in magazines and TV shows. (Kind of like the word "assault" which is over- and misused :))

[CaseyB]

I met a lady online a few years ago and we met the same day. I don't have much experience (that's another story) and I just wanted one spur of the moment thing to do so I went. When it came time she took me to her bedroom and got naked and I started to set the mood with some oral only to hear "I want you inside of me" in this naggy voice. It ruined the mood and I couldn't continue. This same process repeated a couple hours later.

If I'm trying my best to please you...enjoy the moment. I guess she just wanted intercourse, but she should have said that from the beginning instead of barking out "I want you inside of me" over and over with no emotion.

[GMLSKIS]

Lorena Bobbitt was bad in bed. She cut off things she should leave alone.

[trunks_cscs]

When you go down on her and make her see Him twice and after 45 minutes of sword swallowing, she can't get you to tattoo the back of her throat!

[krkuhl]

Originally posted by trunks_cscs
When you go down on her and make her see Him twice and after 45 minutes of sword swallowing, she can't get you to tattoo the back of her throat!
um, can anyone translate this into english? i feel like i am reading a desmond thread!

[Nick Danger]

Originally posted by krkuhl
um, can anyone translate this into english? i feel like i am reading a desmond thread!

"I'm a great lover and make women orgasm (forgetting themselves to the extent of calling out the Lord's name) twice in only a few minutes. A woman who's terrible in bed is one who enjoys my attentions, but is unable to make me orgasm after 45 minutes of fellatio."

[So_Cal_SAHM]

That's why I like to go down on him first that way he is more apt to give me a good time. :)

[boston george]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
That's why I like to go down on him first that way he is more apt to give me a good time. :)

I like the way your mind works ;)

[So_Cal_SAHM]

The other reason I do him first is that way he can "re-charge" while pleasuring me. Then after I have gotten all my pleasure we can jump right into penetration........ummm :)

[boston george]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
The other reason I do him first is that way he can "re-charge" while pleasuring me. Then after I have gotten all my pleasure we can jump right into penetration........ummm :)

My thoughts exactly. Also if I still have a round in the chamber (so to speak) I will be less inclined to give her my full attention because I will just be concentrating on shooting my load. After I have done that I can give my full attention to the task at hand (going down on her) which still totally turns me on.

[CaseyB]

Originally posted by So_Cal_SAHM
The other reason I do him first is that way he can "re-charge" while pleasuring me. Then after I have gotten all my pleasure we can jump right into penetration........ummm :)

Ummmmmmm....Hi. :)

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Hello right back :)

[Mopower]

Gotta love useless internet flirting.............

[CaseyB]

Originally posted by Mopower
Gotta love useless internet flirting.............

I don't get out much...let me have my fun. :)

[So_Cal_SAHM]

Originally posted by CaseyB
I don't get out much...let me have my fun. :)

I agree :lol:

[JustinS]

"Would you please hurry up, dammit! Trading Spaces is on in five minutes."