Sex problem - I lose my erection as soon as I put on the condom

[Parabol]

I'm a 22 year old male. I lost my virginity only about 2 months ago. That was the last "successful" time. I've only done it once. I've attempted sex a few times since then, with the first girl, and a second girl. I have the problem each time. I put "successful" in quotes because even on that occasion, I experienced my problem.

Here's my problem: Everything is good at first. Things are hot and heavy. Making out, rubbing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, all the good foreplay stuff. And during this time, I always have an erection. No problems yet. BUT, just when we decide to actually do it, and I put on my condom, my heart begins to pound in my chest, and I lose all focus of the sexuality of the situation. Instead, all I'm thinking is "I'm about to have sex. don't mess it up." And with these thoughts, I lose my erection.

As I said before, this happened the time I actually had sex too. My remedy was to simply force my half-limp penis inside her and move around. This only worked to an extent. I didn't even come. I could tell she could hardly feel it, and as soon as I pulled it out, I went 100% soft.

So what's going on here? It's not impotance, because I have no problem getting it up. I just have a problem keeping it up once I'm actually about to begin intercourse. It's like stagefright. Could it be that I masturbate too much? That's what one of the girls suggested. (I jerk off daily).

Please, someone tell me this a common problem with an easy solution. Thanks.

[Lemdog]

and I lose all focus of the sexuality of the situation. Instead, all I'm thinking is "I'm about to have sex. don't mess it up." And with these thoughts, I lose my erection.



Sounds like someone just needs to relax.

[tenaciousdave]

Instead, all I'm thinking is "I'm about to have sex. don't mess it up." And with these thoughts, I lose my erection.

Like anything, sex takes practice. Talk with your partner and explain that you're still new to it and I'm sure she'll be understanding. When you get rid of the pressure to perform, you'll be able to enjoy yourself.

You also might want to have a little bit to drink before hand to loosten up a bit. Not too much though, don't want whiskey dick.


I think the first 10 times I had sex, I lasted 3-5 minutes each time. 9 years later, I regularly last for 7-8 minutes. -wink-

[Geofferson]

Parabol - try having her put on the condom for you. Make it a part of foreplay.

I'd say condom anxiety (not sure what to call it) is far from uncommon.

[The_Infidel]

Parabol - try having her put on the condom with her mouth.
Fixed.

[Passion4DVDs]

Why would anyone ask for sex advice on this forum? Sorry but it's mainly populated with smart ass guys with permanent hard ons (myself included).

Get yourself to a sex therapist. They can help a lot better than a bunch of strangers on an internet forum.

[ben12]

Trying fucking uglier girls.

[Parcher]

Hey I had the same problem, and no matter what - even though I was turned on, even though I wasn't nervous - I lost my erection. It's a problem a lot of guys have.
Solution? Get her on the pill! And accept that one night stands with condoms won't be your ball court. Anyways, I have both heard and read that many guys find sex a lot less pleasureable when wearing a condom as opposed to nothing (I got my gf on the pill and we didn't have sex untill she got on the pill, so no condom sex for me).
I have a friend, age 24, who has been with 40 different women - quite a lot at his age, if you ask me. And thet're all but a few confirmed...anyway, he says that he won't even have sex if it's with a condom because it just isn't worth it. And let's be honest: condoms DO kill the mood. You're making out, kissing intensely, caressing each other's bodies, off come the clothes..."hold on let me put on a condom" :( and they're not as safe as other alternatives. They might slip off, atleast you might worry about it, they might break, "is it on ok", etc. etc.

Try this little mind exercise: Don't think condom, don't think of condom advertisements, condom purpose and everything else. Look at it "objectively": You roll an inhumanely tight peace of rubber down your penis. No wonder you lose your erection? The dick wasn't build to be strangled by rubber.

There's the issue about STDs of course...solution here is find trustworthy partners.
So to hell with it. And enjoy the fact that most STDs can be treated...most.

[Lunatikk]

the obvious answer would be to stop using condoms

[MASAMUNE2]

pour lube inside the tip of the condom, that increases the sensation

i also recommend laying off the masturbation- cut it down to every other day, or every two days

[Nick Danger]

No condom = no sex. Does anyone know where that graphic is that showed a high school where something like 80 people had had sex with someone else in the group, and so they were all connected? If you don't use a condom, you risk getting herpes from someone you've never met.

Have her put on the condom, and ask her to make it as hot as possible. You want to train your little guy that a condom is hot.

[NORML54601]

Try having a drink or smoking a joint before you have sex to help you relax. As mentioned above, have her put on the condom during foreplay.

[Mrs. Danger]

There is such a thing as a "female condom". The girl can put it on ahead of time. Most guys never even notice it. See if you can get some.

Then, you can be safe, and spontaneous.

Really, though, it just sounds like performance anxiety. You might try having a willing woman give you a hand job, just to get used to having an orgasm in front of another person.

Sure, lots of guys complain about condoms, but for just as many, putting on the condom is the "GO" signal.

[jw2299]

It's nerves man. I know it sound's cliche to say just relax, but seriously, just relax. Don't think about sex. Don't go looking for sex, just let it come to you. That will probably help.

[TomOpus]

Hmmmm looks like parabol has a pair of accounts :D

[greg9x]

Condoms suck...... definatly nice if ya can find a clean girl on the pill !!! Especially now that i'm older, it's almost not worth it if have to use a condom... but your young, condoms usually allow you to last longer at that age.
Maybe try putting on condoms when your not with your woman and the pressure is on.... and take it easy on the masturbation.

[clemente]

No one else's first thought was the Melty Man?

[gameover2k2]

Try have sex with a dude that should solve your problem :) j/k just be more relax and you'll be fine

[bigsoos]

sounds like nerves. Just relax and let it happen.

[NCMojo]

I had the same problem when I first started having sex. It will go away -- believe me. I've been married twice, once for five years, once for seven, and I have had sex literally dozens of times...

Just kidding. Really, you'll calm down about sex after a bit (it's pretty simple after all) and then you'll get hard and stay hard and it won't be a thing.

You probably do want to find yourself a real girlfriend who you know is STD free and is on the pill. That will make it easier. Whatever you do, do not ever have sex with a girl you don't know without a condom. Never, ever, ever.

[mike7162]

It sounds like performance anxiety to me. For me,at 22, it wasn't keeping an erection, it was keeping it down! It might have something to do with your partner. You might find yourself relaxed with someone you're really comfortable with, a close friend perhaps. I've only had sex with friends, and the one or two one night stands I've had were disasters! I know the fear of STD, unwanted pregnancy, or crazy chicks can kill an erection quicker than seeing Jaon Rivers naked. Your johnson may be telling you to invest in a real relationship with someone you can explore this new world without fear. Relax, have fun and enjoy your youth, buddy. It's over before you know it. Good luck.

[xVladx]

Instead, all I'm thinking is "I'm about to have sex. don't mess it up." And with these thoughts, I lose my erection.

Could it be that I masturbate too much? That's what one of the girls suggested. (I jerk off daily).

IMO, it's a combination of these two things. Sure, the whole "performance anxiety" of the first one can really kill a mood, but the frequent masturbation could also be a cause. If you're with a steady person, ease off on it a bit. If you go a while without, and then get turned on, you probably wouldn't be able to go limp if you wanted to :).

[cosmoN]

Slow down on the masturbation. Save it up for the real thing. Try having her put the condom on you. She can put it on the tip of your Johnson when you get hard and roll it down the shaft with her mouth. It works great. Condom and BJ at the same time.

Just relax.

[Giantrobo]

Masturbating too much can fuck up your sensitivity. Add to that a condom which, by its very nature, takes away sensation and you've reduced the feeling even more. Try to cut the jerking to every other day, then every couple days and gradually your penis will recover. Masturbation is good but too much of it will give you problems if your'e not careful. The same thing happens to girls who masturbate too much or depend too much on vibrators. It takes them longer to cum because the sensitivity has been lost.

There's no way a vagina, mouth, anus, or condom can compete with your rough palm and your masturbatory "death grip". So you gotta cut the jerking down as much as you can for a while.

[scarredgod]

had the exact same problem, the only solution was a girlfriend on the pill, so no more condoms.

sorry i dont have any answer for you, it sucked bad.

[speedyray]

As mentioned, you need to relax first off and enjoy it instead of thinking about it. Second as others have suggested have her put it on for you. Third - try japanese condoms like crown or Kimono - if you are going to wear one - and I think you should they are a lot better than the crap they sell here in the US. They are easy to find online and not really anymore expensive.

[LivingINClip]

Relax.
Performance anxiety is your problem.

[Lord Rick]

No one else's first thought was the ________?

YOU MUST NOT MENTION HIS NAME!!!!!!!

:lol: