Does the past matter? (How many guys she slept with)

LX98Civic · 08-02-2002, 12:57 PM

I started talking to this one girl who is really nice. We've been hanging out a good bit and just enjoying the time together. Anyhow, I was telling this guy at work (just know him from work) about her and he said she was easy

He also said that 2 of his friends or two guys that he knows of hit it as well :jawdrop: So, I am thinking WTF

Should I just let the past be the past and just take her for what she is now? She is only 18 and now I know she has slept with at least 3 guys according to this one guy at work. That is not that bad, but what about the other 10,000,000 people that are not friends with this guy at work?

Shoud it matter if a girl has slept with 1 or 20 guys?
Need some input, thanks!

added: The guy said this all happened about 2-3 years ago

J-Dubya · 08-02-2002, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LX98Civic
Shoud it matter if a girl has slept with 1 or 20 guys?
Need some input, thanks!

If it matters to you, then it matters. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter. Maybe she has become a BAV(born again virgin).

LX98Civic · 08-02-2002, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by J-Dubya

If it matters to you, then it matters. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter. Maybe she has become a BAV(born again virgin).

Good way to put it

I guess it doesn't matter, since I am still looking forward to seeing her when she gets back in town next Wednesday. She left last night for Atlanta.

I guess I am just trying to get some opinions on this. So, does it matter to you?

BCorbett · 08-02-2002, 01:54 PM

I really don't think it's fair to hold things against her that she did before she met you. It doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way, so I say let it go and have some fun with her.

Johnny Zhivago · 08-02-2002, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BCorbett
I really don't think it's fair to hold things against her that she did before she met you.

Agreed... Also, are you saying that you never slept around while you were in high school? I know I did...

alarican · 08-02-2002, 02:32 PM

just do it

bigsoos · 08-02-2002, 02:37 PM

I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?".

Jackskeleton · 08-02-2002, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bigsoos
I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?".

Oh so true. oh so true.

the real question here is to find out what she might have.

the past only matters if it effects you. And yes, you shouldn't holdthe past against someone.

jw2299 · 08-02-2002, 03:17 PM

I can't believe you're listening to "some guy at work". If you liked her before you talked to him, you should like her after too.

But, I know things aren't always as simple as that.

Jepthah · 08-02-2002, 03:56 PM

It's an unpopular answer, but yes, the past matters.

But the key footnote to that is: why does it matter to you specifically? Are you after just plain sex? Well, if she's 'easy' then great, less work for you. A relationship? Maybe she doesn't want it or doesn't know how to maintain one. Then her past is a problem. I'll leave the STD issue alone because you should have enough sense to know what's what in that dept.

You really have to decide for yourself. The way a person has acted usually is a good indication on how they will act. As people we tend to have sex and relationship patterns that repeat. Some just can't see it in themselves or others.

Bushdog · 08-02-2002, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by J-Dubya

If it matters to you, then it matters. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't matter. . .

First response was the best. . .

Xanthguy · 08-02-2002, 05:10 PM

I didn't think it would matter to me, but a similar situation proved that it did. It's a lot of heartache, and my best advice is to ask her about it openly and honestly (after you've started dating.) If she lies, ditch her. If you cry, ditch her. If you get erect, she's a keeper.

I'm making things seem simpler then they actually are, but you get my point. If I could go back, I would have left my girlfriend after she lied to me about her sexual history. I think it has hurt my ability to trust women, possibly forever. This'll be good for you though; just because she has a sexual history doesn't mean she's a bad person, and you'll learn a lot about yourself in the process. If you find out you're uncomfortable with her past (and trust me, YOU'LL KNOW) then politely explain to her that you saw a really nice hill in the distance and that you are going to run towards it in a fashionably expedient manner.

Hope this helps,

--Xg

JimRochester · 08-02-2002, 06:37 PM

Ah, the green eyed monster.

The rational part of me says the past is the past and what happened before we met doesn't matter. However jeolousy is not a rational emotion. Allot depends on the seriousness of the relationship. If you're looking for a long term girlfrienmd and you have to ask, at some point it will bother you. Like when you run into one of these guys in public. I knew my future wife wasn't a saint, just as I wasn't, but like Xanthguy, she wasn't very forward about the past which only made me distrustful and resentful.

Don't ask if you don't want to know or are afraid of the answer

Soup Nazi · 08-02-2002, 06:43 PM

What's done is done. However, those that aren't forthcoming about their past indiscretions -- tend to make your significant other wonder.

This is truly a dual-edged sword. On one hand, the morbid curiosity is there -- and you kind of really want to know. On the other hand, in certain situations, some things are better left unsaid.

If you're not serious about her, hit it and bail. If you are contemplating getting serious, do the smell test. If your eyes water and you become dazed -- and for a moment you fear that you have collapsed in your grocer's seafood department ... she might have been the deli girl a few months back ... "now serving number" ...

Jackskeleton · 08-02-2002, 06:45 PM

the difference is all up to the relationship. if the two of you differ in such experience, it may put a strain on your relationship or cause tension some time down the road. but over all, a good communication should fix that.

Jack Straw · 08-03-2002, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Xanthguy
I didn't think it would matter to me, but a similar situation proved that it did. It's a lot of heartache, and my best advice is to ask her about it openly and honestly (after you've started dating.) If she lies, ditch her. If you cry, ditch her. If you get erect, she's a keeper.

What if she cries?

LX98Civic · 08-03-2002, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by bigsoos
I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?".

I would hardly call this guy a "friend". I just found out his name the other day when he was telling me something about what some girls were saying to him (non related to me or my girl).

Well, I'm not one to just hit something and leve unless it's totally trash or I do not like her. That has yet to happen to me in 24 years. It goes the same way each time.....

I meet this girl -- I like her -- things are great -- we fool around or go all the way sometime.... -- things are still great -- I am really starting to like this girl -- BAM! some $hit happens (from her) out of the blue and it's over!

At this point in life I always just expect something to happen between me and whoever I am dating. I guess I'll let that guard down when I get down on my knee and get a "yes".

Goat3001 · 08-03-2002, 06:54 PM

It sounds like you really don't know this guy to well. Is it possible that he's not telling you the truth?

Einsatz · 08-03-2002, 07:17 PM

As soon as I finished reading the original post, the first thing that came to mind was She slept with Lumbergh?! and many other Office Space quotes...

And if we learned anything from that movie, it's that who cares who she has slept with, Jennifer Aniston is still hot as all hell.

Neitzl · 08-03-2002, 09:23 PM

Ah...So, you're chasing Amy, eh?

jw2299 · 08-03-2002, 09:27 PM

Forget this A-hole at work. Just have fun w/her. Life's too short to worry about crap like this.

Toxygen · 08-03-2002, 09:50 PM

I'm going to take an alternative side here and say "if it matters to her, then yes, it matters"

The last girl I was with made a big deal about all the guys she had been with, in a bad way, always talking about how she felt used, how some abused her, how it was meaningless, blah blah, and after a while i just got tired of hearing it because it started bothering me that she always brought this stuff up.

So yeah, sometimes it matters because of you, other times it matters because of her

POWERBOMB · 08-03-2002, 10:48 PM

The real question should be "Would it matter that she hit it with these guys but didn't give it to you?"

rkndkn · 08-04-2002, 12:55 AM

Why is there a double standard? If you've had an active past, what's wrong if she has? The thought that women are "easy" and men are "studs" is so sexist. Women are just as capable of, and can enjoy, flings like men. All that "women need to be emotionally involved" is such crap. If her experience far outweighs yours and you feel insecure about being compared, that's one thing. But if you've slept with 50 people and so has she, you have no right to call her easy. Women can sow their oats just as well as men.

Cool Kitten · 08-04-2002, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Neitzl
Ah...So, you're chasing Amy, eh?

you know, that was the first thought i had as well.
For god's sake, its 3 guys!!!! Since when 3 is a lot?

And i'm sick and tired of the double standard when i girl is labeled a slut if she has sex and a guy is called experienced. Girls happen to ejoy sex just as much as guys do (providing of course that the guy actually knows what he's doing in bed

)
I could maybe see an issue if she were doing multiple partners and orgies etc, but she only slept with 3 guys.
Get over it. unless you're a virgin, then you're chasing Amy.

08-02-2002, 12:57 PM	#1
LX98Civic DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Sold all 246 dvds...owner of 3 now Posts: 2,095	Does the past matter? (How many guys she slept with) I started talking to this one girl who is really nice. We've been hanging out a good bit and just enjoying the time together. Anyhow, I was telling this guy at work (just know him from work) about her and he said she was easy He also said that 2 of his friends or two guys that he knows of hit it as well :jawdrop: So, I am thinking WTF Should I just let the past be the past and just take her for what she is now? She is only 18 and now I know she has slept with at least 3 guys according to this one guy at work. That is not that bad, but what about the other 10,000,000 people that are not friends with this guy at work? Shoud it matter if a girl has slept with 1 or 20 guys? Need some input, thanks! added: The guy said this all happened about 2-3 years ago __________________ 95 Civic VX.... K20a2 build underway!! Last edited by LX98Civic; 08-02-2002 at 01:12 PM.

08-02-2002, 02:32 PM	#6
alarican Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 1,093	just do it __________________ War DAMN Eagle "Semper Fi" 1995-1999 MOS:0431]

08-02-2002, 02:37 PM	#7
bigsoos Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Sachse, TX Posts: 3,855	I wouldn't do anything if she messed around w/ one of your friends. They could always clown you by going up to you and saying, "Hey, how's my D*%$ taste?". __________________ Psychos don't explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a F- how crazy they are!

08-02-2002, 03:17 PM	#9
jw2299 DVD Talk Ultimate Edition Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Beautiful (sterile) Johnson Co., KS Posts: 4,334	I can't believe you're listening to "some guy at work". If you liked her before you talked to him, you should like her after too. But, I know things aren't always as simple as that. __________________ "See you space cowboy..." "Can anyone tell I'm still shooting for someone's sig line?" - Seeker

08-02-2002, 03:56 PM	#10
Jepthah DVD Talk Limited Edition Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: Fascination Street Posts: 6,614	It's an unpopular answer, but yes, the past matters. But the key footnote to that is: why does it matter to you specifically? Are you after just plain sex? Well, if she's 'easy' then great, less work for you. A relationship? Maybe she doesn't want it or doesn't know how to maintain one. Then her past is a problem. I'll leave the STD issue alone because you should have enough sense to know what's what in that dept. You really have to decide for yourself. The way a person has acted usually is a good indication on how they will act. As people we tend to have sex and relationship patterns that repeat. Some just can't see it in themselves or others. __________________ "If a sufficient number of people who wanted to stop war really did gather together, they would first of all begin by making war upon those who disagreed with them. And it is still more certain that they would make war on people who also want to stop wars but in another way." -- Gurdjieff

08-02-2002, 01:54 PM	#4
BCorbett Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Harrisburg, PA Posts: 187	I really don't think it's fair to hold things against her that she did before she met you. It doesn't reflect poorly on you in any way, so I say let it go and have some fun with her.

08-02-2002, 05:10 PM	#12
Xanthguy Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 229	I didn't think it would matter to me, but a similar situation proved that it did. It's a lot of heartache, and my best advice is to ask her about it openly and honestly (after you've started dating.) If she lies, ditch her. If you cry, ditch her. If you get erect, she's a keeper. I'm making things seem simpler then they actually are, but you get my point. If I could go back, I would have left my girlfriend after she lied to me about her sexual history. I think it has hurt my ability to trust women, possibly forever. This'll be good for you though; just because she has a sexual history doesn't mean she's a bad person, and you'll learn a lot about yourself in the process. If you find out you're uncomfortable with her past (and trust me, YOU'LL KNOW) then politely explain to her that you saw a really nice hill in the distance and that you are going to run towards it in a fashionably expedient manner. Hope this helps, --Xg __________________ And he strikes.... like Thuuuunndeeerbaaaaalllllll!! Last edited by Xanthguy; 08-02-2002 at 05:38 PM.

08-02-2002, 06:37 PM	#13
JimRochester Senior Member Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Rochester, NY. USA Posts: 6,834	Ah, the green eyed monster. The rational part of me says the past is the past and what happened before we met doesn't matter. However jeolousy is not a rational emotion. Allot depends on the seriousness of the relationship. If you're looking for a long term girlfrienmd and you have to ask, at some point it will bother you. Like when you run into one of these guys in public. I knew my future wife wasn't a saint, just as I wasn't, but like Xanthguy, she wasn't very forward about the past which only made me distrustful and resentful. Don't ask if you don't want to know or are afraid of the answer __________________ Convicted? No, never convicted - John Winger Widescreen Presentation I've stopped counting

08-02-2002, 06:43 PM	#14
Soup Nazi Banned Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: New England, USA Posts: 16,334	What's done is done. However, those that aren't forthcoming about their past indiscretions -- tend to make your significant other wonder. This is truly a dual-edged sword. On one hand, the morbid curiosity is there -- and you kind of really want to know. On the other hand, in certain situations, some things are better left unsaid. If you're not serious about her, hit it and bail. If you are contemplating getting serious, do the smell test. If your eyes water and you become dazed -- and for a moment you fear that you have collapsed in your grocer's seafood department ... she might have been the deli girl a few months back ... "now serving number" ...

08-02-2002, 06:45 PM	#15
Jackskeleton DVD Talk Godfather Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: City of the lakers.. riots.. and drug dealing cops.. los(t) Angel(e)s. ca. Posts: 51,676	the difference is all up to the relationship. if the two of you differ in such experience, it may put a strain on your relationship or cause tension some time down the road. but over all, a good communication should fix that. __________________ *OTHER FORUM TEAM 7 leader*I will not say them here nor there. I will not say them anywhere. I will not say those Words you twit. I will not, will not sayI quit! Leaving a dark wet stain where your brain used to be? weird..tv? The bank is worth the risk

08-03-2002, 06:54 PM	#18
Goat3001 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 4,522	It sounds like you really don't know this guy to well. Is it possible that he's not telling you the truth? __________________ Fun happens... lets go bowling

08-03-2002, 07:17 PM	#19
Einsatz Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: DC Metro Area Posts: 385	As soon as I finished reading the original post, the first thing that came to mind was She slept with Lumbergh?! and many other Office Space quotes... And if we learned anything from that movie, it's that who cares who she has slept with, Jennifer Aniston is still hot as all hell.

08-03-2002, 09:23 PM	#20
Neitzl DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 2,073	Ah...So, you're chasing Amy, eh? __________________ DVDs Comics

08-03-2002, 09:27 PM	#21
jw2299 DVD Talk Ultimate Edition Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Beautiful (sterile) Johnson Co., KS Posts: 4,334	Forget this A-hole at work. Just have fun w/her. Life's too short to worry about crap like this. __________________ "See you space cowboy..." "Can anyone tell I'm still shooting for someone's sig line?" - Seeker

08-03-2002, 09:50 PM	#22
Toxygen Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Somewhere cold Posts: 377	I'm going to take an alternative side here and say "if it matters to her, then yes, it matters" The last girl I was with made a big deal about all the guys she had been with, in a bad way, always talking about how she felt used, how some abused her, how it was meaningless, blah blah, and after a while i just got tired of hearing it because it started bothering me that she always brought this stuff up. So yeah, sometimes it matters because of you, other times it matters because of her

New Reviews

08-03-2002, 10:48 PM	#23
POWERBOMB DVD Talk Limited Edition Join Date: Nov 2000 Posts: 7,326	The real question should be "Would it matter that she hit it with these guys but didn't give it to you?" __________________ Thanks (sincerely) to Michael Moore, Bruce Springsteen and P. Diddy for helping to re-elect George W. Bush to 4 more years in the White House.

08-04-2002, 12:55 AM	#24
rkndkn DVD Talk Gold Edition Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Hawaii, USA Posts: 2,592	Why is there a double standard? If you've had an active past, what's wrong if she has? The thought that women are "easy" and men are "studs" is so sexist. Women are just as capable of, and can enjoy, flings like men. All that "women need to be emotionally involved" is such crap. If her experience far outweighs yours and you feel insecure about being compared, that's one thing. But if you've slept with 50 people and so has she, you have no right to call her easy. Women can sow their oats just as well as men.

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Does the past matter? (How many guys she slept with)

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