What do you want in an adult review?

Houstondon · 12-03-2002, 04:16 PM

Howdy folks!
I'm going to start reviewing some movies and wanted to know what you'd like to see in the reviews. I want the reviews to be informative but fun without a laundry list of sex acts. Any of you have any input as to what you'd like to see? Thanks!

spainlinx0 · 12-03-2002, 08:18 PM

How about mentioning whether the girl looks like she wants to be there. Porn is just so boring to me if the girl doesn't seem into it. Or if they overact and it just makes the sex look ridiculously fake. How about that?

kuroiinu · 12-03-2002, 08:45 PM

Pics?

Josh-da-man · 12-03-2002, 08:51 PM

A "blow-by-blow" description of the action, so to speak.

And another thing some people might like to see in review is if there's any rimming involved. Some people like to see women having that done to them, and would like to know which DVDs to get. Or so I've heard.

)*(

diacritic · 12-03-2002, 09:04 PM

Let us know if the girls have any unsightly pimples on their butts. I can't stand a film that has a close up of some girls almost-about-to-burst butt pimple.

Houstondon · 12-03-2002, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by diacritic
Let us know if the girls have any unsightly pimples on their butts. I can't stand a film that has a close up of some girls almost-about-to-burst butt pimple.

Methinks someone has read my reviews elsewhere...

Houstondon · 12-03-2002, 10:05 PM

Thanks for the input so far. There really aren't many porn reviews here (yet) so if anyone has requests, let me know and I'll see if I have it in my collection.

Quote:

Originally posted by Josh-da-man
A "blow-by-blow" description of the action, so to speak.

)*(

A blow by blow description is the antithesis of my usual style since it doesn't convey anything other than a list of acts. I'll try and make sure the basics are covered though.

Rimming: If you really like seeing women rimmed, check out almost anything my Jim Holliday (director for VCA) that's been made in the last few years. He loves it and says the fans do to. As a bonus, he includes a lot of foot fetish stuff (too much for my tastes though).

Pics: If I had access to a dvd rom, I'd do that but you'll just have to wait for my next computer (or you can check them out on the affiliate's websites). My experience with reviews using them has been very mixed though-far too often the pics are either not really good or they are extremely selective (ie: the best shots of the movie with the rest of it stinking).

Spain: I hate clock-watchers too. If I see any who don't seem enthusiastic, you'll hear about it.

spainlinx0 · 12-04-2002, 09:21 PM

Also how bout mentioning how frequently they show the guy's damn face. Why why WHY do they have to show that? Does that do anything for anyone here? I can't even imagine women getting turned on by those weirdos. Kills the sex drive more than anything.

Houstondon · 12-07-2002, 01:04 PM

Spain, men in porn are usually chosen for their sexual abilities while women are usually chosen for their looks. Thanks to Viagra, the field should open up to more men in the future though.

I just finished some reviews and when they get approved, I hope some of you email me with your thoughts. I took some of the specific advice here to improve the reviews written. I look forward to more advice in the future. Thanks!

spainlinx0 · 12-08-2002, 12:52 PM

I see your point, which makes me wonder even more why they have to show that face lol.

JesseCuster · 12-11-2002, 11:06 AM

Yep...my biggest thing is whether or not the girls are into it, i.e. if her moans are real sounding and if her climaxes, if any, seem genuine. There's not a bigger waste of time in the world than watching porn with a starlet, regardless of looks and assets, checking her freaking watch every few minutes. I'm sure Tiffany Mynx had days where she would rather have washed dishes than done a sex scene but after a year or two in the biz, she *always* gave her all in making her scenes seem genuinely pleasureable to her, even if they weren't. I'd rather watch someone like a Tiffany Mynx, who I've seen about a million times doing just about every sexual act imaginable, over a younger, possibly fresher looking girl who's just marking time in her scenes.

Houstondon · 12-15-2002, 03:27 PM

Older isn't always worse, to be sure. Some of the "fresh young faces" seem to equate screaming loudly with believeability. Needless to say, most of us can see an overacting bimbette quite easily. I've seen some good porn lately and hope to post some reviews soon.

JoeyOhhhh · 12-15-2002, 05:47 PM

More cowbell

Seriously, I second the idea of letting the reader know if the girl is into it. Nothing worse then watching a guy just bang away at a lifeless chick and blow his top all over her.

Jack Straw · 12-17-2002, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JoeyOhhhh
Nothing worse then watching a guy just bang away at a lifeless chick and blow his top all over her.

Can I take a moment to point out the profoundness of this post? Thank you Joey-O

diacritic · 12-18-2002, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JoeyOhhhh
Nothing worse then watching a guy just bang away at a lifeless chick and blow his top all over her.

Necrophilia?

Red Dog · 12-21-2002, 11:47 AM

The players and positions in each scene are a must. For instance, 2 guys/1 girl scenes are a real turn-off for me.

spainlinx0 · 12-21-2002, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Red Dog
The players and positions in each scene are a must. For instance, 2 guys/1 girl scenes are a real turn-off for me.

I just pretend I have 2 penises when watching those.

Houstondon · 12-24-2002, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by spainlinx0
I just pretend I have 2 penises when watching those.

I'm more of a fan of seeing 2 (or more) women with one guy myself but some people seem fixated on seeing DP's, TP's and such. I submitted a bunch of reviews this weekend and hope I've incorporated enough of y'all's requests in them. When they're posted, let me know what you think. TIA.

El Scorcho · 12-24-2002, 02:51 PM

A review should go something like this:

Scene 1: Jacked off
Scene 2: Jacked off
Scene 3: Didn't jack off -- still spent from scenes 1 & 2
Scene 4: Jacked off
Scene 5: Didn't jack off -- too many penises in the room
Scene 6: Jacked off
Scene 7: Jacked off, collapsed on the floor in pain

spainlinx0 · 12-26-2002, 04:42 AM

I was trying to make a joke, but obviously failed. I am also a fan of the 2 girls one guy scene, and one day hope to have it in real life.

Houstondon · 12-26-2002, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by El Scorcho
A review should go something like this:

Scene 1: Jacked off
Scene 2: Jacked off
Scene 3: Didn't jack off -- still spent from scenes 1 & 2
Scene 4: Jacked off
Scene 5: Didn't jack off -- too many penises in the room
Scene 6: Jacked off
Scene 7: Jacked off, collapsed on the floor in pain

El, I watch way too much porno to do it your way.

Heat · 12-30-2002, 08:38 PM

I know it's been mentioned, but pics are nice, to see what the girls look like. Names don't mean that much with there being so many new names coming and going (pardon the pun) all of the time.

Also, you might make note of whether condoms were used or not. If I am watching a porn, I don't want to see condoms.

Houstondon · 07-23-2003, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Heat
I know it's been mentioned, but pics are nice, to see what the girls look like. Names don't mean that much with there being so many new names coming and going (pardon the pun) all of the time.

Also, you might make note of whether condoms were used or not. If I am watching a porn, I don't want to see condoms.

I have the capability to add pics now but don't want to do so because the adult reviews are too easily accessed off the front page (don't want DVDTalk to get in trouble) and the copyright issues. More and more, dvds are including pics of the gals on the dvd cover so I generally refer to this in the reviews. You can also see pics of most of the stars at our affiliate, Adult Dvd Empire.

I'm getting better about mentioning condoms-most studios consistently use them or don't-with little middle ground.

dsteaven · 01-08-2009, 01:41 PM

very nice

stevenjack · 01-18-2009, 08:50 PM

Alwaz start the review with getting cloths off the body
and ya remember not to do overact and it just makes the sex look ridiculously fake.

12-03-2002, 04:16 PM	#1
Houstondon XCritic Reviewer Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,879	What do you want in an adult review? Howdy folks! I'm going to start reviewing some movies and wanted to know what you'd like to see in the reviews. I want the reviews to be informative but fun without a laundry list of sex acts. Any of you have any input as to what you'd like to see? Thanks!

12-03-2002, 08:18 PM	#2
spainlinx0 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: NJ Posts: 5,791	How about mentioning whether the girl looks like she wants to be there. Porn is just so boring to me if the girl doesn't seem into it. Or if they overact and it just makes the sex look ridiculously fake. How about that? __________________ I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir, and you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all..... scratchy.

12-03-2002, 08:51 PM	#4
Josh-da-man DVD Talk Hall of Fame Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: The Bible Belt Posts: 9,063	A "blow-by-blow" description of the action, so to speak. And another thing some people might like to see in review is if there's any rimming involved. Some people like to see women having that done to them, and would like to know which DVDs to get. Or so I've heard. )( __________________ Nothing is more sacred than facts. Where we have reason, we don't need faith. [...] People who harbor strong convictions without evidence belong at the margins of our societies, not in the halls of power. - Sam Harris, Playboy Jan. 2005 Last edited by Josh-da-man; 12-03-2002 at 08:55 PM.*

12-03-2002, 09:04 PM	#5
diacritic DVD Talk Special Edition Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Buffalo, NY Posts: 1,125	Let us know if the girls have any unsightly pimples on their butts. I can't stand a film that has a close up of some girls almost-about-to-burst butt pimple. __________________ Discs [DVDs] offer the seductiveness of immortality, however illusory, and invite our complicity in the cheating of death. --Charles Tashiro, The Contradictions of Video Collecting How to Cheat Death (my DVD Collection)

12-04-2002, 09:21 PM	#8
spainlinx0 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: NJ Posts: 5,791	Also how bout mentioning how frequently they show the guy's damn face. Why why WHY do they have to show that? Does that do anything for anyone here? I can't even imagine women getting turned on by those weirdos. Kills the sex drive more than anything. __________________ I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir, and you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all..... scratchy.

12-03-2002, 08:45 PM	#3
kuroiinu DVD Talk Special Edition Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: California Blue Posts: 1,852	Pics?

12-07-2002, 01:04 PM	#9
Houstondon XCritic Reviewer Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,879	Spain, men in porn are usually chosen for their sexual abilities while women are usually chosen for their looks. Thanks to Viagra, the field should open up to more men in the future though. I just finished some reviews and when they get approved, I hope some of you email me with your thoughts. I took some of the specific advice here to improve the reviews written. I look forward to more advice in the future. Thanks!

12-08-2002, 12:52 PM	#10
spainlinx0 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: NJ Posts: 5,791	I see your point, which makes me wonder even more why they have to show that face lol. __________________ I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir, and you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all..... scratchy.

12-11-2002, 11:06 AM	#11
JesseCuster Senior Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: The Appian Way by way of Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,144	Yep...my biggest thing is whether or not the girls are into it, i.e. if her moans are real sounding and if her climaxes, if any, seem genuine. There's not a bigger waste of time in the world than watching porn with a starlet, regardless of looks and assets, checking her freaking watch every few minutes. I'm sure Tiffany Mynx had days where she would rather have washed dishes than done a sex scene but after a year or two in the biz, she always gave her all in making her scenes seem genuinely pleasureable to her, even if they weren't. I'd rather watch someone like a Tiffany Mynx, who I've seen about a million times doing just about every sexual act imaginable, over a younger, possibly fresher looking girl who's just marking time in her scenes. __________________ "One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ectoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody." - Fox Mulder The X-Files DVD Profiler

12-15-2002, 03:27 PM	#12
Houstondon XCritic Reviewer Join Date: Apr 1999 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 2,879	Older isn't always worse, to be sure. Some of the "fresh young faces" seem to equate screaming loudly with believeability. Needless to say, most of us can see an overacting bimbette quite easily. I've seen some good porn lately and hope to post some reviews soon.

12-15-2002, 05:47 PM	#13
JoeyOhhhh Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Unique New York Posts: 3,525	Re: What do you want in an adult review? More cowbell Seriously, I second the idea of letting the reader know if the girl is into it. Nothing worse then watching a guy just bang away at a lifeless chick and blow his top all over her. __________________ Mr. James: I got so many lawyers lined up to see me today, you'd think I had tobacco leaking out of my breast implants. My DVD and HD DVD Collection

12-21-2002, 11:47 AM	#16
Red Dog DVD Talk Godfather Join Date: Feb 2000 Location: Directionally Challenged (for DirecTV) Posts: 56,959	The players and positions in each scene are a must. For instance, 2 guys/1 girl scenes are a real turn-off for me. __________________ "A question for you. Would you rather Bucknell make the NCAA's once every 20 years or so and get ass raped by teams like Kansas in the first round or have them drop down a rung to a confernce where they can compete for a title?" - Josh Hinkle 1st Round Final Scores: Bucknell 64 Kansas 63 \| Bucknell 59 Arkansas 55

12-24-2002, 02:51 PM	#19
El Scorcho Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2000 Posts: 36,145	A review should go something like this: Scene 1: Jacked off Scene 2: Jacked off Scene 3: Didn't jack off -- still spent from scenes 1 & 2 Scene 4: Jacked off Scene 5: Didn't jack off -- too many penises in the room Scene 6: Jacked off Scene 7: Jacked off, collapsed on the floor in pain __________________ Chet Harper: Thank you, Stuart! Latest talk is that David Robinson is over the hill. But in my book, you gotta get to Whitecastle before the weirdos show up! Tonight at the Alamodome, he gets Happy-Go-Jackie on the big white guy like a donkey eating a waffle! Sweet Sassy Molassey! Get out the checkbook and pay grandma for the rubdown as the Spurs beat the Heat, 86-79! Stuart!

12-26-2002, 04:42 AM	#20
spainlinx0 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: NJ Posts: 5,791	I was trying to make a joke, but obviously failed. I am also a fan of the 2 girls one guy scene, and one day hope to have it in real life. __________________ I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir, and you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all..... scratchy.

12-30-2002, 08:38 PM	#22
Heat Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Central Illinois Posts: 12,278	I know it's been mentioned, but pics are nice, to see what the girls look like. Names don't mean that much with there being so many new names coming and going (pardon the pun) all of the time. Also, you might make note of whether condoms were used or not. If I am watching a porn, I don't want to see condoms.

New Reviews

01-08-2009, 01:41 PM	#24
dsteaven Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 6	very nice

01-18-2009, 08:50 PM	#25
stevenjack Banned Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 6	Alwaz start the review with getting cloths off the body and ya remember not to do overact and it just makes the sex look ridiculously fake.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

What do you want in an adult review?

Adult Film Talk & Reviews