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On Location Key Largo

Studio: Score » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 4/16/04

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

GENRE: Fetish Busty All Natural
DIRECTOR: Pablo Gonzalez
LENGTH: 190 mins with bonus material

There is a basic media difference between movies and magazines. Some are so blatantly obvious that to repeat them here seems silly. Images in films actually move, while the print pictures tend to stay inherently still. Photo layouts are not known for their speaking skills, while the actors and actresses in film use their voices to vent most of their meaning. But perhaps the biggest variation between a motion picture and a periodical is the duplication of life. No matter how detailed or intricate, a snapshot is only half alive, a microsecond capturing of existence. Movies, on the other hand, confine sound and vision, characteristics and flaws, presenting the entire magilla in all its unretouched glory. So for many Score Group fans, an animated version of their popular big boob subscription addiction is as welcome as wet t-shirt night at the local tavern. But as porn, On Location: Key Largo is far too softcore to warrant serious skin flick attention. This tame tit twaddle is nothing more than four elongated layouts with a quartet of Score's "naturally" endowed dearies as they take in the tropical ambiance of a sunny Florida fantasyland. There is a great deal of the standard breast fetish footage: chests are endlessly massaged and felt up, lotion is applied so liberally you'd swear that Johnson's & Johnson's or maybe Vaseline has a product placement deal and nipples are tweaked and twonked for maximum erectility. But unless you find endless posing, some timid twat twiddling and the errant vibrating toy or two to be the biggest of turn ons, the talent and the time they spend in the hot, horny sun will leave you feeling more parched than perked up. Or do they?

The DVD:
Set up as an exclusive getaway for four of Score's most lovely ladies Lorna Morgan, Chloe Vevrier, Kerry Marie and Chaz On Location begins with an overlong sequence of arrival and unpacking. In between jokes and jiving about how "wet" the humid Sunshine State weather makes them, we are basically seeing a salacious slumber party about to begin. When the ladies arrive in their palatial seaside estate, they are instantly drawn to one area: the bedroom (guess you can't teach an old hat porn star new tricks). But instead of getting down to some sultry and steamy same sex bosom byplay, these gals spend about 30 minutes trying on swimsuits. One piece. Two piece. Thongs and arcane architectural designs. They leave no top unturned and give each bottom the once over twice. Now somewhere in their total recall past, most men had to suffer through endless hours being bored out of their skulls as Mom and Sis tried on outfit after outfit at the local Lane Bryant or Limited. Having to sit through another session of female fashion tomfoolery exposing of huge hooters or not seems unfair and almost un-American. Again, the obsessive observers may demand such dressing room redundancy. But boredom is the only direct result of watching Jordan find some swimwear that won't clash with her rather red/peach complexion.

Once appropriate garments are chosen, it's off to the beach for a little fun, sun and big guns. Each lady swears they've got on a suit that will manage their mounds and keep them out of harms (and exposure's) way. But no amount of underwiring or skeletal support could keep these mammaries from staging a walk out once the gals commence to play a lame game of beach volleyball. Naughty natural knockers like to move and undulate and when these fun loving lasses unleash their inner jock, it's chests a poppin' time! This tease and wheeze goes on for a while until we get to the first provocative portion of the film. As Chloe lies supine on a lounge chair, the rest of the randy resort bunnies grab the grease and begin the boob lube job. Copious amounts of moisturizing are applied as hands kneed knots of flesh into a fevered flowing frenzy. And just when you think the four way will turn into one helluva hardcore treat, we break for individual moments of udder merriment. Sigh. Since these installments are not really scenes but more like pictographic layouts, they will be referred to as such:

Pictorial #1: Lorna Morgan

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Call this snatch surf and teat turf as our fiery foreign redhead (she, like most of the Score girls here, is from jug jolly old England) gets to know the sand dunes as well as her own personally hilly landscape. She takes out a blanket, hits the coastline and proceeds to fondle and fluff herself. She apparently doesn't mind the gritty ground getting into every errant orifice and the camera explores this granular grandeur in extreme close-up. There are lots of shots of her posing with seashore encrusted body parts, but it's not until the Hawaiian Tropic streams unreservedly over her extremities that this milky masquerade really starts to get hot. After some self-play and a little more sun worship, it's a wrap.

Pictorial #2: Chloe Vevrier
Frankly, Chloe is one hot honey and when she descends into her steamy bubble bath, we know something super sexy is bound to break out. Chloe doesn't disappoint as she soaps and ropes her unruly chest into the most sensual, sudsiest method possible. She then turns on the tit temptation by sucking her own nipples until they get good and hard. She takes a watery hand and begins the process of autoerotic stimulation. And you can't confuse what she is doing, since she's got a clit the size of a kumquat. It's not long before she's crawling up the walls and jacking her juice box with ribald relish. Once she's finished fucking herself, it's a come hither look and a slow fade out finale.

Pictorial #3: Kerry Marie
Another Londinium lass, Kerry Marie's moments in front of the camera seems to be the most runway model conscious. This bodacious British babe (heck, let's just call it as we see it the gal is chunky) spends a lot of time doing her impression of a hardcore Austin Powers, providing many "randy" routines that attempt to stimulate and provoke. But she's really not successful at generating strong penis power. Eventually she must break out the lady lard and load up on the slick stuff. She then follows her fellow females fingering lead and treats her treasure tunnel to some extracurricular exploration. Same old shit packaged in a big tit display.

Pictorial #4: Chaz
A rather plump lady of color, Chaz sits in a chair beside the pool and begins the same self-touching habit the other melon mamas have engaged in. She really rotates her rack, giving the ample appendages a good going over. Then, well, then it's another dose of lubrication as a chapped baby's butt's best friend is trotted out for the umpteenth time. Chaz is jazzed to gyrate her galangals and it's not long before she needs a little cool down. Ice comes out from a handy cooler and in an obvious homage to Spike Lee and Do the Right Thing...NOT!...our delicious dish let's the frozen freshness dribble and drop all over her overheated headlights. After the cold compress, it's an occasion to turn up the teasing with some electronic help. The only sex toy in the series makes its belated appearance and Chaz runs this plastic piston all over her oily loins. Once activated, it finds the sweet spot over and over until our brazen babe plunges it into her hidey hole (He-men, we have penetration!). She fucks herself for a while until the sequence ends.

It's doubtlessly unfair to dismiss a title like On Location: Key Largo outright, as it probably gives those guys so inclined a real jump for their sexual starter. The women are attractive (for the most part), they are all nude and natural (thank goodness we don't witness any plastic surgery disasters here). The tone is also very playful and passionate. But this is still the same kind of stuff you can see, standing newsprint still, in Penthouse or Hustler...or Score or Voluptuous - for a substantially cheaper price. There is no attempt to engage the viewer in the vice, no first person POV or interactive angle to up the jack-off factor. All we get are sequences of breast worship and masturbation that, while professional and very pretty, can also be pretty inert. Aside from Chloe's bathtub touching, there is really no other horny heat in this production. It seems geared at a less mature mentality, hoping to get away with mere titillation wherein most real men would demand something meatier in their adult content. So while On Location: Key Largo is luxurious, languid and well lubed, it's really nothing more than a magazine on video.

The Video:
Since professionals on closed locations with technical skill shot this digital presentation, On Location: Key Largo looks damn good. The flesh tones are very real and exceptionally accurate and the overall image is crisp and clean. The surfside location also adds a lot of picture prettiness in its own right and the video never succumbs to flaring or bleeding as a result. While not every moment is magical (the lighting for Chloe's restroom repast is a little soft), the outdoor antics are captured in excellent fashion.

The Audio:
On Location: Key Largo is not Shakespeare or some Pinter play, so the need to hear every word of dialogue is not that important. Still, the Dolby Digital Stereo does manage to make everyone intelligible and still deliver a soundtrack filled with ersatz-slow jam jazz. The interview sequences on Disc 2 are also handled with aural approving integrity.

The Extras:
Hoping to persuade you to pick up this living periodical, the big wigs over at Score offer On Location: Key Largo in a two DVD special edition that features an entire disc of bonus content. But don't get too hyped over the proposed extra-helpings. Most to the material here could have easily made it onto a dual-layer disc. And aside from the Q&A, the remaining substance is fairly pedestrian. We begin with a slide show that reemphasizes the photo op aspect of this release. All it contains are more snapshots of our leading ladies in various poses that we've seen before in their "scenes". The "Backstage" material is basically footage deleted from the final film and shows some stuff that would have been welcome in the main feature. We witness the gals going dolphin riding, cavorting in some additional underwater pool antics and witness the cover art group photography session. The interesting thing to note here is that an unknown "fifth" model is shown, acting as an important component of the On Location consortium. But she is completely missing from any of the primary presentation footage. Either she was cut out, unable to attend the actual weekend in Key Largo, or found to be so unfriendly or non-photogenic that a "new" version of the wrap-around sequences had to be conceived. Whatever it is, it adds a small spice of intrigue to this otherwise press-release ready representation.

At least we get to know the girls (well, at least three of them) in the interview supplement incorporated into the bonuses. Featuring Lorna, Kerry and Chaz, the level of dissertation is not intense, but definitely insightful. Lorna discusses her impressions with America, her family's reaction to her nude modeling and some of her Playboy-standard turn ons and turn offs when it comes to men. Kerry talks about being kidded in school, of how her enormous breasts cause her back problems and the fear she has of reduction surgery. Chaz, who is very shy and laid back, responds in short, concise sentences and monosyllabic statements. She talks about all the attention she gets (including how school boys grab her chest and run), how she really likes just plain old ordinary men (she, like Kerry, make it known that they are very approachable. Get in line guys!) and how she doesn't like most nicknames for tits (said moniker is just fine, thanks). These rather long dialogue exchanges begin to give these women a personality and a depth that the video pictorial cannot begin to provide and makes the extra disc included with On Location: Key Largo a successful compendium of corporeal pleasures.

Final Thoughts:
Though it's not full of the hardcore fucking that so many porn fans favor, On Location: Key Largo is still a slightly recommended romp (if, not necessarily for the right reasons). True, the women are delectable in their Rubenesque zaftig zeal and a couple of the pictorials pack a minor pecker punch. So on the Disco Dirge Peter Meter, this movable magazine rates a 6 out of 10, with a couple of added considerations for the intriguing bonus features. Sadly, the ladies will have little to look at here (unless a big natural chest turns them on as well), so a Cohabitation Certification is withheld. And it is important to note that very little penetration or actual adult content is showcased. This is a polite video scrapbook that, with a few precise edits, could be easily confused with a Showtime After Dark disappointment. On Location: Key Largo shows that the Score Group really understands the arena of the large areola. But such buoyant bosoms are not for everyone. And even if you like your hemispheres on the heavy side, you may still find this DVD a bit substandard. To paraphrase a joke line from The Kids in the Hall, On Location: Key Largo doesn't make a great motherfucker, but it is an excellent wet nurse.

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