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Stocking Secrets 3

Studio: Smash Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 4/18/04

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Stocking Secrets #3

Smash Pictures

Genre: Foot Fetish

Director: Kira Eggers

Cast: Kira Eggers, Terri Summers

Length: ~57 minutes (there was no time code but it seemed like eternity)

Date of Production: 12/10/2003

Extra's: The extras were pretty minimal this time. They included a photogallery and some trailers, nothing more. There wasn't even a time code so what do you expect?

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The picture was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color, as expected. The picture was generally clear although some pattern noise popped up in a couple of scenes. With what amounted to a static camera and a closed room, I'd expect it to look at least this good. In short, the picture looked pretty solid and the camera work followed the gals nicely. The audio was presented in MPEG stereo with no separation between the channels and little dynamic range to speak of. The box advertised Dolby stereo but my receiver detected no such signal. The music was porno standard and the gals didn't speak so it didn't matter that much.

Body of Review: I watch a lot of porn and sometimes I take chances on titles because of a performer, a director, or something else that catches my fancy. Such is the case with Stocking Secrets 3, a title I picked because it had the lovely Kira Eggers directing AND starring in. She is a most persuasive person in real life and I gave it a shot. Little did I realize that like all risks in life, sometimes you lose. Expecting a full fledged porno, I opened the container after reading the back of the DVD case that said:

-- sponsored by --

"When beautiful women claim they're wearing their silkiest, sheerest stockings only because they feel so good on, they're telling you a half-truth. They're right! They do feel wonderful on their soft, curvaceous legs but they're also wearing their sensuous, silky-wares for another reason. They're wearing them for you. In Stocking Secrets #3 you'll enjoy the breath-taking beauty of Penthouse Magazine model, Kira Eggers, as she slips in and out of her most provocative and eye-pleasing wares. And then, gorgeous leg-queen Terri Summers takes her turn on showing you her barest essentials. Stocking Secrets #3 is our sexiest, leggiest, sheerest stocking fantasy yet. Kira and Terri are guaranteed to please!" Doesn't that sound good to you? In any case, learning to read between the lines, I noticed it mentioned nothing about men. At first, I figured a lesbian flick would work too but soon enough, I came to understand that no sex was going to take place. Here's a breakdown of the scenes by cast:

Scene One: Kira, the lean and attractive brunette on the front DVD cover, started off by posing in a mirror in front of a window. Forgetting the pattern noise the shades on the window caused (what yahoo cameraman did she use for this?), it was pretty hot watching her tease the camera, dressed in red lingerie and panty hose. I was all ready for the action to begin so I sat back and waited…and waited…and waited some more. Needless to say, eventually, I grabbed my remote control (having to let go of another body part) and looked for the sex. There wasn't any! The best you get is her massaging her pussy for a few moments, point in fact, I massage myself more than she did while I take a leak in the morning. What a gyp!

Scene Two: Terri was up next. This gal looked very much like Kira, she was curvy but lean, had nice legs and ass, and dark hair. I figured the first scene was a tease to get you ready to screw a piece of fruit (not that kind silly) and the second scene would go all the way. Boy was I wrong! She started off by wearing a red camisole and some matching undies with black stockings. She pranced around a bit, less than Kira did, and rubbed her entire body, spending almost no time down under. I thought that the second half of the movie would have to get better.

Scene Three: Kira was back, this time wearing the outfit from the front DVD cover, a pink see-thru sweater and some fishnet stockings. Those that read my reviews know I love fishnets. They have always enhanced the look of the women in porn for me and this was no exception. Trouble was, she didn't do anything special in them! The formula set, she teased the camera and slowly disrobed. In January, I was in sniffing distance of this gal and she made me hot as we discussed the porn industry. Little did I know she was a big tease!

Scene Four: Terri was up again, wearing a white slip and eyeing the camera. She put on some white nylons and then took them off again, rubbing her body with them as she went. This might've worked for me if I grew up a hundred years ago or if she was in the same room with me, about to have sex, but this was lame!

Summary: Much like dates in my real life, no sex ever took place here. I liked the tease footage as a start but soon felt like this was a poor man's Andrew Blake movie, without the budget, the class, or the style that famous and talented director has acquired over the years. Don't get me wrong, I think Kira and Terri looked great but I wanted to see a whole lot more from them. Had it been at least a masturbation movie, I'd feel more comfortable rating it as something higher than a Skip It. The extras were weak, there was no sex, and the limited nature of the release would have been fine as a warm-up but it left an empty feeling in my gut so unless you're happy watching the warm up without the conclusion, pass on this one.

Note: You can see recent candid shots of performers by visiting: My Photo's and read about their antics at 2004 AEE Show.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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