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Studio: Metro » Review by The Immoral Majority » Review Date: 4/26/04

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

The Movie:

When viewing adult movies, the main criteria I use to judge the film is whether or not I was turned. If the sex leaves me cold, no matter how well it was filmed or how tight the script, it is a bad film. Luckily, there is always something in a porno film that I like. Even in a bad movie, there will be some scene that manages to float my boat and make it worth watching. Always, that is, until I viewed Claudine, a movie with a bad script, poor acting, lousy camera work and cold sex. Easily the worst adult movie I've seen.

The premise is that Claudine is a high priced dominatrix. People pay her large amounts of money to abuse them while having sex. That doesn't turn me on per se, but the idea doesn't turn me off either. The thing that damned this movie is the fact that the sex scenes were very brief, and had little sex in them. There was a lot of artsy camera work. Filming swinging lights and rotating 360 degrees around a room several times, but that didn't get me hot, or add to the plot. A lot of the scenes were people on all fours dressed in leather just staring at someone. I don't know if this was supposed to raise the expectation level or what, but there was a lot of build up and no pay off. With the sex in each scene lasting only a couple of minutes, and only one ejaculation in the entire film, this was the first adult DVD that I thought was a waste of time.

The scenes in this movie are:

1: Claudine, dressed in a leather outfit meets her first client. The naked man starts by licking her stiletto heels and then having a dildo worked into his ass. Then he's tied up and very lightly whipped before she goes down on him a little. Then she puts a mask on him and dunks his head into an aquarium a few times. When she steps out, he places his head under the water and kills himself. When she calls the police, they don't seem too concerned.

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2: Claudine then picks up a black guy in the street and invites him home. As soon as they get inside, they start tearing at each others clothes. He fingers her, and then he fucks her standing up while flicking the light switch on and off. After a minute or two (literally) they go to her bed where she blows on him, but he's no longer hard, so Claudine kicks him out.

3: Claudine then goes to a party where naked tattooed people are posing on stands while the guests mingle. The police officer shows up and is taken upstairs by two girls in dog collars covered in white makeup so that they look like Dalmatians. They both suck on him a bit, and they he has sex with both of them, doggie style of course. He cums on them in the first and only ejaculation shot in the movie. This didn't do anything for me. As the girls start to sweat, the make-up runs and gets over everyone. The strange camera work seemed to go out of its way to ensure the scene wouldn't get anyone aroused.

4: A couple hire Claudine. They show up at her place, and have sex while she watches. Then Claudine sits on the woman's face while her boyfriend jacks off. Both women's knees and hands and feet are shown, as if the director wasn't sure where the action was taking place. Things start to heat up a little when the girl rides Claudine (who has put on a strap-on) with her ass, and eventually the guy comes over and puts his lady in a sandwich. Almost a good sex scene, but not quite.

5: The police officer comes over to question Claudine, and they end up getting physical. She blows him and they he does her doggie style and then, right when you think they are going to have a hot scene, the movie abruptly ends. This sex in this scene lasted for less than five minutes.

The DVD:


The two-channel audio track is identified as being French if you use the display function on your DVD player, but it isn't. The audio is a badly dubbed English track. The voice actors were very wooden and did a horrible job. Aside from that, the DVD sounded pretty good. The music was clear, and there wasn't any hiss of audio defects.


The video was about average for a low budget adult film. The colors seemed to have a red push, and the lighting varies between scenes, but nothing that would interfere with your enjoyment of the movie.

The Extras:

The extras on this DVD include three photo galleries, one of production stills from the movie, and the other two with 'artistic' poses of nude women. None of these were remotely erotic to me.

There are interviews with the write and two main characters. These were in French with optional English subtitles. From these interviews you can tell that the creators were attempting to make art. But even so, the writer decided to be interviewed wearing a mask.

They included six songs form the movie too. You can select your favorite and it plays over a still image.

The biggest bonus is a 48 minute making of documentary. In French with optional subtitles, this featurette was an amateur affair. The questions posed to the cast and actors were very loud, but the answers were very quite. The camera work was jerky and the whole thing had the feel of a home movie.

There is also a trailer to the movie.

Final Thoughts:

I really disliked this movie. Not only was the script incredibly inane, but there was little sex, and what sex there was lasted only a few minutes. I could handle that if the sex was hot, but it wasn't. In the domination scenes the master was not very domineering, and the sex scenes had little actual sex. This movie is a waste of time. Skip It.

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