GENRE: Straight Comedy Feature
DIRECTORS: Mike Beck
STARS: Sarah Stick, Nicole Wolf, Joanna Wild, Hanna Eklund, Lucine Devil, Claudia Wannström, Märtha Karisson, Nettan Pettersson, Susan Larsson, Jenny Pull, Tracey Lain, Jens XP, Pireye
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 2001
LENGTH: 150 mins with bonus material
Back in the nostalgic days of exploitation, a type of film was perfected and patented, a nudie cutie concept that seemed to never miss with the raincoat crowd. Perhaps the best way to refer to these narrative experiments would be to call them peek-a-boo plots or compilations of candid camera carnality. The premise was usually as offbeat as possible: a photographer has a special lens that renders his models naked when he looks through the viewfinder. A businessman attends a hypnotist for help with a vice or a personal problem and the power of suggestion enables the doughy dude capable of seeing people in their birthday suit. It's interesting to note how this kooky concept failed to fall over into hardcore when truly adult material took over the grindhouse circuit. XXX features do away with the artifice and/or the accident and simply get on with the fucking. That is why the pseudo-Swedish import, Osynlige Mannens Sexäventyr (which roughly translates into The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man) is such a throwback treat. Produced in a manner befitting a mainstream action adventure (making a misstep like John Carpenter's Memoirs version of an unseen stooge's shenanigans seem silly) and ripe with ribald genital jousting, this passionate and poignant flesh feast is a wonderful adult title, hampered by a problem that keeps it from being perfect. If you can tolerate incredibly bad dubbing, a series of extras without a single bit of subtitled translation and the overall effect of seeing pornographic cinema at its most schizophrenic, you'll adore this vice-filled version of humping with the hidden.
The DVD: Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man has a very complex plot and manages to incorporate its suck and fuck footage rather easily into its narrative. The best way to describe the film, then, is to discuss the story in detail, with occasional breaks in the explanation to highlight the hardcore (names cannot be matched with faces since there are no understandable credits. The scenes will be referred to by the action that occurs within them):
Lars is a scientist working for a government lab. One night, while trying to make guinea pigs super strong (hey, this is Sweden. Don't ask why they want Herculean rodents for pets) an accident renders our researcher invisible. In the morning, as the police probe the bombed out medical center, our unseen hero gets away, but not before he sneaks a peek at a couple copulating in a nearby office:
Scene 1: Cubical Canoodling
A young couple is in the middle of some very heavy petting when Lars stumbles upon them. Since they do not know he is there, they engage in some passionate foreplay before getting down to the nitty nookie gritty. First, the gentleman munches on his ladylove's muff. Then the lady reciprocates with some fine Swedish pole varnishing. After the bold blowjob, the duo knock boots with some savage straight vaginal. Soon we discover that, even in Scandinavian, there are gals who love to ride the range, and it's a session of Reversen Cöwgirlen for everyone. The gentleman plants his penis inside his lover's sugar walls – sled dog style - and pumps from the rump side like a pro. Eventually, it's time for the gentleman to unload his human cream sauce all over the lady's waiting mouth. She even sucks on his sausage to get every last organic drop. This is an excellent scene and a nice way to start off the film. Since we are working on the theory that Sex Adventure will simply be our unseen hero stumbling over various couples getting it on, it's refreshing to see that it can happen so effortlessly and without much convolution. The couple here really engorges the screen with their fierce fucking and the mix of wide shots with extreme close-ups is well balance. Score: 7.5/10
Lars heads home and learns that there is more to being invisible than he originally thought. After agonizing over the prospect of being forever imperceptible, Lars decides to make the most of his newfound skill. He heads over to a local swimming pool and hangs out in the ladies shower.
Scene 2: Lesbian Loofa
As Lars looks on, a couple of blond babes come into the communal stall to wash and wax themselves. They flirt and soap each other up. The eat each other out in what seems like the longest tongue tango in the history of hardcore and then they break out that handy exercise device that no health nut would be without: the double-ended dildo. The plastic peter explores each lady's love tunnel and in between insertions, these gals even give salad tossing a try (sadly, no condiments were utilized). As lesbian scenes go, this one is pretty tame. Oh sure, the ladies build up a pretend lather of lust as they lick and stick each other repeatedly. But there is really no sensuality to their antics. As a result, the scene feels more like an assault than a sex act. Score: 4/10
Lars continues his journey around town. He walks into a department store and catches a customer masturbating in a dressing room (she even removes a small silver g-spot vibrator from her purse and applies it liberally). His next stop is the local pornographic production house where a director is setting the sexual choreography for the scene he is about to shoot.
Scene 3: Asses of Glass
A rather skinny blond takes center bed stage as she strips off her military fatigues in a semi-provocative manner. After her insipid Showgirls audition, she lays back on the mattress and proceeds to poke her privates with a painful looking glass dildo. She eventually takes the blunt end of the vase on steroids all the way up her cunt. As if being called to dinner, a young Asian actress steps in and starts feasting on the supine sister's fetlocks. Our pacific rimmer also visits the anus and uses her fingers to find lost treasure trails inside her bunkmate's bush. Blondie shows her gratitude by grazing in the mysterious Easterners grass. The China doll straps on a mega-dick and pumps the Anglo-Saxon like a flooded houseboat. The hand blown tumbler tool makes another appearance and the bulking business end is rammed into the Swiss Miss's asshole, Rover style. Enter a man (finally – all this fake cock is getting a little old) and both gals leap on his log like castaways onto a life raft. Asia provides the head. Sweden steps up to the shaft as well. Our lady from Shanghai gets it, spooning style. Our Oslo lassie experiences the old west as she reverse cowgirls her way from the pussy to the butt. The man makes some monkey noises and unloads his lather along the ladies' longing lips.
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This three-way thrill ride has some good points and bad points. On the up side is the action dynamic. These actors really dine and dash like champions. Sweat beads on their bodies and the friction never stops until the tool is empty. But on the downside, there is too much toy here. That glass giant looks incredibly painful and it's thrust about with far too much abandon. A sex scene is supposed to seem exciting and erotic, not herniating and hurtful. Score: 6/10
As Lars roams the fjords of Finland (or explores the streets of Sweden or the notches of Norway...whatever), behind the scenes, bad shit is brewing. Apparently, his boss at the lab was a two timing double-crossing dirty rat spy and he wants to capture Lars and turn him over to other nations as a secret weapon – for a VERY hefty price, of course. He gathers together his gang of goons and they decide to ensnare the blank bozo. Temporarily staying in a friend's flat, Lars disguises himself with the typical invisible fashions (dark glasses, heavy coat and towel wrapped around his head). He answers the door when a couple of painters come calling.
Scene 4: Trading Sappho Spaces
As Lars takes a sneaky position off-camera, our redecorating ladies start prepping the room for paint. Apparently, the minimal amount of physical assertion required to lay a drop cloth gets these gals all hot and bothered. They start groping and grabbing at each other and it's not long before the overalls come off and the pussy eating starts. In typical lesbian fashion, the girls glom on to each other's mons with ferocious purpose. After numerous shots of snatch snacking, our frustrated artists break out the Sherman Williams and start body painting each other. Growing tired of this Laugh-In inspired sexplay, a large handled bristle brush is removed from the toolkit and the thick wooden end is...you guessed it...plunged deep into each gals honey hole. After the full Fuller treatment, the ladies languish a little before trying to lure Lars into the action. But lo and behold, these bitches are badass spies trying to kidnap our hero. So sex is a no-go. You have to admit, watching women wound each other with a big fat piece of lumber is kinda weird. But it also makes the scene less mundane than the usual lesbian frolics. Score: 6.5/10
Barely escaping the same sex sharking assassins, Lars ends up at the house of a co-worker, a woman he has worshipped from afar named Maria. When she returns, he watches as she undresses and takes a nice long hot shower. During the dirt removal, she lets the massage feature from the faucet find her fluffy nutter as a water job brings her to climax. The next morning he confronts her, explains his dilemma and begs for help. She agrees to assist him and they go about trying to find a way to render him seeable again. While Maria's at work, a couple of goons come in, looking for Lars (but he's invisible, so what did they think they would find...oh, skip it). Unable to locate their prey, they decide to do the nasty.
Scene 5: When Duty Booty Calls
Danger dude grabs onto his femme fatale and spreads her pussy lips. A few frenches later and he's poking her poon with his massive member. In order to vary the va-va-va-voom, our lassie saddles up for a little backwards horse hockey. Hoping to taste her own internal tang, there is some immediate cunt to mouth action as Danger's damp dick is given a further flourish by Femme's fellatio. The couple finish up doing the Scandinavian spoon, with tons of Teutonic pumping before our spy guy explodes all over his paramour's chest. With this scene, we begin a series of plot padding moments, sex sequences that no longer link to the storyline specifically but exist to bolster the overall running time of the film. As such, this spy shag and similar episodes in Scene 6 and 8 are, in reality, rather superfluous. The fucking and sucking are decent, but they start to hamper the forward motion of the story here. Score: 6.5/10
Back at headquarters, another couple of hired guns decides to get it on, using a top-secret potion that supposedly enhances the ability to screw.
Scene 6: Experimental Sex Spray I
Buff Boy and his Spy Skank spritz a little of the magic fuck formula on each other and it's not long before the fur (and frankfurter) really fly. Miss SS begins the banquet of boffing with some peter polishing. She also gives BB's nuts a nice tongue tasting. Buff makes for the muff and dives right in. Before we know it, reverse cowgirl has broken out and our lovely lady really deep thrusts the not-so-little doggie. As if to cement the hound histrionics, some sideways spoon bow wow is indulged in. Finally, our boy toy takes his fellow fuck freak and drops her to her knees. Then he inserts his cock into her waiting cunt and pile drives her back to the ice age. Showing her fully stuffed gratitude, Skanky blows Buff until he shoots his seed all over her mouth and face. Of the three ancillary hardcore action sequences, this one in the best. Both actors really sell the servicing, and the final moment blowjob by the actress to bring her partner to climax shows a nice carnal commitment. Score: 7.5/10
Back at home, Lars and Maria devise a plan. They will return to her lab and reenact the experiment. They celebrate this decision with some sex.
Scene 7: The Invisible Man Has Sex
Finally, the scene we have been waiting for and it doesn't disappoint. Lars and Maria take to the couch and start kissing and fondling each other. We occasional cut to Maria's POV and it's hilarious to see her stroking and kissing the empty air. The couple's fiery foreplay leads to a nice long blowjob and a reciprocal session of that linguist - Connie, for the moaning Maria. A standard session of reverse cowgirl and spoon doggie are engaged in, but the shots where we witness Maria mounting the air and humping nothing are priceless. Lastly, in the finale of fulfillment between this unrequited couple, Lars unloads his love liquid all over Maria's grateful face. The only instance in the entire movie where the comedic premise of sex acts with someone unobservable is actually explored, this hot and equally hilarious segment really tops off the relationship-in-waiting between Lars and Maria. Both performers sell the passion very well and the end result is an erotic installment mixed with some emotion and humor. Score 8.5:10
Before they can implement their plan though, Maria is kidnapped. Lars is given an ultimatum: return to the lab and let the boss sell him to a foreign nation, or Maria will die. Lars surrenders and offers an alternative to white spy slavery. With their prey in custody, some of the special agents have sex...again.
Scene 8: Experimental Sex Spray Time Part II
Assuming the position - which in this case is naked and available - a female emissary sucks and fucks her male counterpart. With her ass in the air, our dude dines on her snatch and her ass crack. Jane Bond then munches on his member with swollen privates gratitude. This leads to a very bizarre sequence of standing 69, where we as the audience can barely see a thing as the couple continues to chow down on each other's attributes. Sadly, after this interesting if obscured moment, we're back to the Swedish porking combo of reverse cowgirl and spoon doggy. A few hundred thrusts later and our main man unleashes his languid load all over his gal pals' face. If everything had been as inventive as the (poorly executed) standing 69, this final hardcore sex scene would have been wonderful. But there is a routine feeling to the fornication and the overall similarity to other instances makes the ultimate response one of mediocrity, not dick thickening. Score: 5/10
Lars gathers everyone in the lab with the promise of making them all superhuman. But he has a few tricks up his sleeves. He gets behind a computer, flips a switch and...sorry, no spoilers here. You'll have to watch The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man to find out what happens.
The problem with The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man, the single issue that keeps it from becoming a pornography classic is simple and straightforward. In essence, this title is two very good films thrown together, with the result being an overall scuttling of what makes each of them independently wonderful. Even though it is riddled with cheap laptop CGI and is far too obvious in some of its plotting, the invisibility dilemma is a decent, occasionally compelling sci-fi spoof. We buy the premise, the actor playing Lars sells both his confusion and his sexual voyeurism well and a nice feeling of suspense and apprehension is created. By the time we have the final confrontation between good (our Professor and his lady love) and evil (the government agents) we really care about the outcome. We want our nerdy nebbish to get the gal and escape the awful agents. Granted, this ain't The Matrix, but thanks to professional direction and a real understanding of the genre, this risqué rendition of a horny Hollow Man is completely engaging.
But just as this story builds a decent head of narrative steam, someone starts fucking and the non-nookie mood is broken. And the same goes for the sexual side of the show. There is some very erotic hardcore action in this movie, instances where the actors really sell a sultry sensuality mixed with all out balls to the vaginal walls screwing. The dis-corporation that occurs then, when the ass eating stops and the silly sci-fi screwball comedy bits begin, will definitely test some adult fan's virtual Viagra limits. It seems odd to say it, but this is one instance where incredibly expert filmmaking standards (if you didn't know there was penis and pussy o' plenty in this movie, you'd swear you were watching a straight foreign fantasy film sans the standard blockbuster ILM magic) tend to undermine the porn. The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man offers a great story and some fantastic fornication. But like generic peanut butter and carob chips, we don't end up with a randy Reece's candy. Instead, our duo of interesting ingredients just doesn't want to mix.
The Video: Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man is a fantastic looking film. Presented in a non-anamorphic 1.85:1 letterboxed transfer (obviously employing the black bars to give the image a "widescreen" feeling), the picture is near perfect in color and contrast. The flesh tones are incredibly realistic and the varied palette used by director Mike Beck is absolutely flawless. Incorporating digital effects, interior and exterior locations and a great deal of set detail, this is one adult film that looks, and feels, like a mainstream movie.
While it would have been nice to have the original Swedish (or Swiss, or whatever language the country of creation speaks) as part of the soundtrack (since when was it determined that porn fans can't read subtitles???), the dubbing hear does add to the overall goofy nature of the movie. It can be a little disconcerting to hear an actress speak in a certain manner, only to have her real life recorded sex noises take the place of the voice over. Aside from the fact that the natural ambiance of the onset shooting returns, the tone and timber of the moans and groans can sometimes sound completely different than the English actress. Still the Dolby Digital Stereo does a nice job of mixing musical score, F/X work, Foley and dialogue in an easily understandable aural element.
If there is one area where this DVD really fails the flesh fan, it's in the extras department. Aside from a very small gallery (only about 16 images) and a few trite trailers (nothing really cock calling here), we are treated to a behind the scenes featurette which could have been very informative and delightful...had it not been presented completely in Swedish. Aside from the incorporation of a couple of understandable English words, there are no subtitles or voice-overs to make the explanations and the interviews comprehensible to the Westerner. Some fascinating stuff can be deciphered (the computer keyboard was a CG mock-up and is VERY realistic and convincing) but for the most part, people are speaking to us in their native tongue, really passionate about this project and its potential, but we just cannot fathom a single thought they are expressing. It renders this bonus feature pointless and puts the final nail in the coffin to the unacceptable added context on this DVD.
Not the greatest porn feature in the history of the genre, but a far cry better than most of the miserable scene compilations that try to pass for straight features in the business, The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man is a strange, split personality of a movie. If you could somehow program your DVD player to show the sci-fi comedy first and then offer the sex scenes afterward, you'd be able to enjoy a double feature of fresh, frisky films. But in combination, something seems to be lacking overall, and the failure of this formula to mesh properly lowers its overall effectiveness in either genre. This means that on a Disco Dirge Peter Meter rating, The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man still rates a healthy 8.5/10 and is highly recommended. Had it held together better (and offered something decent in the way of extras), a much higher score could be imagined. Couples will also enjoy this tantalizing take on the classic creature feature, so a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded. Inventive, irreverent and irritating at the same time, a decent editor with an idea of what does and does not work in hardcore features should have taken his scissors to The Sex Adventures of the Invisible Man. Trimming some of the sin and a little of the intrigue would, perhaps, turn this unbalanced offering into one of the classic adult titles of all time. As it stands, there's a lot to love (and a lot of lovin') here. Just expect to have your proclivities, both cinematic and skinematic, pulled in opposite directions.