GENRE: All Latin Straight Compilation
DIRECTORS: Mike Quasar
STARS: Deby, Jennifer, Claudia Bella, Linda, Isabella, Laiza, Hellen Matheus, Mark Wood, David Perry, Victor Lion
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 2004
LENGTH: 117 mins with bonus material
Ethnicity-specific titles are currently all the rage in the adult entertainment industry, and with the international availability of easily accessible smut (thanks to the world wide wired web device you're employing right now) such race-related product doesn't seem so strange. Where once porn was the dominion of semi-comatose Caucasian coke fiends with less than lithe loins and several red-rimmed regions (eyes, ass, cunt, etc), we are now treated to a far more supermodel sense of sex. Gals all have that top-heavy underfed look and gents get meatier and more manly by the steroid second. As our planet has grown more diverse, the natural progression of pure white hardcore to XXX sex acts from around the world has brought us some wildly divergent elements. Thanks to the Asians, we've discovered the joys of watching women swallow 195.74 ounces of cum in a single bukakke sitting, as well as the titillation of small-titted tinys pushing the pedophilia boundaries. The members of the European Union have perfected the open anus world of gaping, taking bereft pleasure in the internal view provided by a completely lax sphincter. Even in the US, we get all black titles, ebony and ivory mixes and all manner of brown, bronzed and bodacious combinations. And then there is Taco Shop. Offered by Zero Tolerance, a label that prides itself on having absolutely no mercy for unattractive performers (Man, do they push those limits here), this made in Brazil boredom wants to show some sassy senioritas and swarthy seniors taking pot shots at each others privates. But the result is so strangely asexual and libido-limiting that you wonder why we had to travel all the way to South America to be rendered impotent by half-assed hardcore.
Nothing more than a set of scenes filmed at a tropical tryst hideaway complete with a pool and waterfall, Taco Shop (which, personally, is a rather offensive way of describing an all Latino title) runs through the routine of XXX histrionics professionally and painlessly. We get six straightforward scenes. With only one sequence offering any additional elements (in the case of the triple team in Scene 2, it's lesbian sin we're in), it is therefore up to the individual performers to enhance the smut. Sadly, many are just not up to the hard sell bush pushing.
Scene 1: Deby, Victor Lion
Deby is a diminutive young lady with chocolate brown skin and she handles the over-pumped particulars of the sexually narcissistic Mr. Lion very well. While our muscle-bound meathead enjoys posing for the camera, Ms. D is busy trying to start up the sex. They match up perfectly to create the only interesting and erotic scene in the whole set. Deb starts out by sucking on Vic's viper, and it's not long before he's sharking down on some snatch. Picking up her legs and piling in his prick, Mr. Lion languishes in Deb's love tunnel for a nice session of straight sex, with occasional ass slapping to spice up the spelunking. Next, it's a trip to the pound – ha ha – as Victor violates his honey, doggie style, in both the preferred and scissors setup. He gets so worked up in fact that he pile drives the mini-Miss. While it's true that even cowgirls get the blues, Deb seems ecstatic with the range riding antics, forward and in reverse, that she experiences while in Victor's saddle. After sampling the aftertaste on Mr. Lion's log, Debbie does anal bow-wow with her Latin lover, Vic pulling on her hair for added effect. Finally after some rump role-play with D taking it in both a scissors and deep penetration mode, Mr. Lion unloads all over her face and mouth. Perhaps the main reason why this scene is the best of the bunch is that Deb appears to be into the sex, not staring directly into the camera. All the other ladies here are fixated on the lens like a rabid raccoon spying a spoiled piece of bacon in a landfill. If you can get over Victor's over-inflated ego and the sometimes drab directing dimensions of Mr. Quasar's cracked compositions, you'll find a lot here to feed the wiener meter. Score 6.5/10
Scene 2: Claudia Bella, Linda, David Perry
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Taking on two girls at once is a common male fantasy. Perhaps after seeing how snooze inducing it can be with the two skinny skanks featured here, guys will glom onto some other internal joy division. Both Claudia and Linda lock there optical nerves directly onto the camera's viewfinder and barely look away, even as their heads turn in an Exorcist-esque combination of crazy contortions. What they are looking at is a complete mystery, since there is very little 'come hither' in their zombie-like gaze. As for the sexual parameters, the ladies suck cock, balls, nipples and taint as David tries to service them any way he can. There is reverse cowgirl with added lesbian licking, and an interesting element where Dave fucks one gal and, after he removes his tool, the other lady lunches on the remaining love juices. But mostly we are treated to doggy and spooning (in both the beaver and butt) and some girl-on-girl pussy petting and salad tossing. Along with a rear end rodeo of reverse cowgirl and a great deal of 'ass to' facets – mouth, vaginal, hand, etc. – Dave gives it all he's got until he explodes in Claudia's craw. Being a courteous cunt, she instantly shares the snowball with Linda. You know you're in trouble when the male member of the menage is better looking than the participating poon. So there is really nothing erotic about this poolside tag team match. It's just porn performers going through many motions. Score 2/10
Scene 3: Isabella, Mark Wood
Though he looks about as Hispanic as Axel Rose and has none of the anabolic body builder bulk of his fellow pussy pumpers, Mark Wood actually makes a compelling companion for the scintillating Isabella in this scene. White skin blistering the minute it comes in contact with the sun, his total lack of coloring matches well with Bella's bronzed bod. Very pretty and petite, with an attractive face and a pert pair of ta-tas, Isabella enjoys being manhandled by Mr. Wood in foreplay frenzy. So grateful is she for having her melons mauled that Izzy goes down and blows out a 'thank you' on Mark's fleshy fungo bat. Before you know it, the couple is copulating in various carnal combinations. Doggy is done, pile driving is delivered, the range is ridden both forward and in reverse and when they're not spooning, Isabella is sampling her sugar wall water off of Mark's mighty member. After some straight sex with prominent nipple pinching and deep penetration, Mr. Wood works Bell's buss until he's fucking her face with aggressive abandon. The resulting pop is very pronounced, all over the Latino queen's face and mouth. As the second best scene in the entire collection, this cream on cocoa combination still has its shortcomings. Mark is not a very viable hunk, looking more like some dude the producers picked up at a frat house keg party. And Miss Isa has that cold camera concentration that keeps her in near constant eye contact with the viewer. Why anyone thinks this is sexy is still quite a quandary. Score: 6/10
Scene 4: Jennifer, Mark Wood
It's another sequence with that great white Latino wannabe – Mark Wood. Jennifer is a less than adequate accomplice for this fuck fun, but at least she seems to try. However, she's perhaps the worst offender in the 'looking directly into the lens' lunacy this title excels in. Beginning with a blowjob and ending on anal pile driver, the sex is rather simplistic as Jenny tries to hypnotize you from across the cathode ray. After the opening oral events, we leap straight into doggy, directly into cowgirl (in all its versions) and then into backdoor butt boogie. Once Mark finishes frisking Jenny's junky trunk, he explodes onto her face and mouth. The basic description of the positions indicates the level of lewdness here. Jen and Mr. Wood never really connect as a couple and the lack of spark means a fire never erupts between them. Along with the lackadaisical loving between Perry and his pair of porno dullards, this is about as tedious as this disc gets...until Scene 5. Score: 2.5/10
Scene 5: Hellen Matteus, Victor Lion
Victor is vamping for the camera again, hoping his muscled manliness will overcome the flat-chested lifelessness of his pathetic partner. Hellen is indeed a basic blow-up doll without any manner of sexual appeal. Her static attributes really destroy this scene's sense of sin. Victor tries to relieve the dreariness by eating box. Hellen acts sleepy. Even with a massive cock in her mouth, the most this Miss can muster is a pathetic puff or two. Victor parries by tossing her salad. Hellen starts napping. Sick and tired of the slack response to his tongue teasing, big Mr. Lion launches into Ms. Matteus' loins with his handy skin spear, prodding her deeply in both doggy and missionary mountings. Hellen mentally lists pi to over 10 places past the decimal point. Our hard fighting Hispanic hunk goes all out, delivering a hearty regular cowgirl romp, a deep diving bit of anal penetration and a rousing reverse ride on the baloney pony. He gets literally nothing in return. Hellen simply sits back and lets Vic spew spunk all over her featureless face. While it may be an exaggeration to say Hellen is as lifeless as a dried chickpea in this waterfall-infused cold coitus connection, there is zero warmth generated by this dark-haired drip. Victor is vicious in his big pricked attacks, but Hellen barely offers a pulse. Quite pathetic. Score: 1.5/10
Scene 6: Laiza, David Perry
David and Laiza try to save this set from being a total washout and they come up with a pretty good scene. After catching his ladylove with her hand down her short pants, David offers up his Perry peter and Laiza licks said stick for a while. A couple of deep throats later and Laiza is riding Dave's dong in the forward female cowpoke position. Spooning comes next and our couple tries both the anal and vaginal form of side-by-side snuggling. Enjoying the taste of her personal tang on David's tool, Laiza loves putting dick to lips every time it's removed from her ass and/or snatch. Finally finding a way to get his cock in her ass crack, cowgirl style, David jousts La-La's fudge factory, taking a couple of momentary pauses so that the gaping cornhole can give us a yucky yawn. After more butt blasting, reverse cowgirl and pile driver freakouts, it's time for another certified protein packed facial as Dave douses Laiza with bubbling ball spit. Similar to Scene 1 and Scene 3, this sensual sequence between two performers that seem to get off on each other provides Taco Shop with its final fulfilling moment. While the fornication never rises above the level of average, the stark contrast between these sex sequences and the other awful entries at least provides 50% pleasure here. Score: 6/10
Taco Shop is indeed a compilation with a split personality. On one hand, Zero Tolerance wants to present the sexiest babes from South of the Border, down Brazil way, but with the exception of the busty Isabella, below average would be a better way of describing the looks of these ladies. Perhaps they pander to a certain body type and porking penchant, but small titted, blank staring sluts is not the Dirge's idea of frisky fun. For him, Latino ladies are curvaceous, not corpse-like and usually bring their chesty, chunky wonderstuff to the scenarios of sex with molten hot pepper pulchritude. Sure, there are other types of Hispanic honey and everyone has the right to enjoy their Mamacita in any manner they enjoy. But the mini-mammaried Misses populating the tame Taco Shop are not the double D's cup of carne asada. Still, director Quasar at least avoids many of the goofy gonzo techniques (traveling tourist pans, hyper-extreme close-ups) preferring instead to linger on copulating couples to drive the erotic dimensions. When he gets Isabella and Mark Wood, or Victor and Deb together, he creates a certain amount of hump heat. But other times, like the lifeless lesbianism between Claudia and Linda (who frankly look like they are forcing themselves into same sex situations), he can't begin to find a way to make things mucho caliente. As with any micro-managed pornography sub-genre, relying on one kind of ethnic eros to support your smut is a dangerous proposition. You can occasionally falter with all the racial integrity. No one doubts the Latin heritage of the horny non-hotties here. But Taco Shop suffers from its lack of lovely lusciousness.
As well as avoiding many of the amateur pitfalls in his hardcore framing, director Quasar also creates a wonderfully colorful pornographic picture, and the DVD of Taco Shop captures this camcorder-to-film finesse in all its high contrast glory. The 1.33:1 full screen image emphasizes the hot tan lines, glistening sweat and the ample inner pinkness with lifelike clarity. The tropical locations – poolside, hacienda, waterfall – are also radiant in this excellent, exotic transfer.
Basically a silent movie without a great deal of dialogue or backing tracks, Taco Shop does employ some salsa-tinged songs whenever we are moving from scene to scene. The Dolby Digital Stereo treats these tunes with channel cheering clarity. But the minute the fucking begins, the sounds go silent and we are stuck listening to whelp-like performers squelching and squealing in ersatz-XXX delight. The Dirge never thought he'd long for the days of the wa-wa pedal puke of old fashioned disco porno. But this trend to take down the background ambiance while performers puff away is just annoying.
Along with the standard issue snapshot gallery and repetitive cum shot loop, there are some interesting added features on this disc that really compliment the hardcore components. The strip tease featurette gives each of the ladies a chance to loose their clothing in traditional bump and grind glory. Most acquit themselves amicably. And the excellent behind the scenes documentary looks at life backstage at a Brazilian film shoot, complete with stories about diarrhea, air conditioning and the lack of available translators. Quasar comes across like a big kid in an eye candy store as he talks tool trade secrets with David Perry and Mark Wood. Wood is featured quite a bit in this mini-documentary and he seems like a fairly nice guy, personable and easygoing. But what fans will really enjoy are the various insights into how scenes are choreographed and created. Victor has a hard time handling the less than enthusiastic Hellen, in stark contrast to Deb's "let's get going" panting perkiness. Even though this DVD fails to offer the most basic of bonus feature – the extra scene - this look at what goes on during the making of a XXX scene compilation really adds to the overall presentation, and almost saves Taco Shop from outright rejection.
Proclivity, by its very nature, is an extremely personal thing. One man's tantalizing treat is another guy's asexual shaft softener. The supposedly luscious Latina's in Zero Tolerance's trademarked take on barrio beauty just didn't do it for the Dirge and, as a result, the ribald nature of Taco Salad was greatly undermined. Certainly there will be many men in the diverse universe of porn appreciation who find the fey, waif-like women parading around this title, with their cocoa butter bodies and blank fart stares, the most cock shocking sensations to ever grace a digital versatile disc. But the Disco Dirge likes his sultry sleaze queens stacked and shapely, so he regrettably has to give this still-recommended title a limp 4.5 on the Peter Meter. Since there is nothing particularly shocking or sordid about the behavior offered, couples will appreciate the pretty surroundings and healthy tans. So a Cohabitation Certification is granted. If you love your ladies lanky, languid and on the Lilliputian low down, then Taco Salad will more than quench your queso calling. But guys who enjoy shapely gams, hefty hooters and bootylicious bubble butts will find nothing fetching here. This Taco Shop skimps on shapely skin. It's strictly the 99 cent menu for this bland bean feast.