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Sizzling Hot Tamales

Studio: Simon Wolf Productions » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 9/20/04

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

GENRE: Straight Ethnic Compilation
DIRECTOR: Robert Herrera
STARS: Ryan Fuentes, Lena Julliett, Jenaveve Jolie, Jennifer Luv, Mary Jane, Barrett Blade, Randy Spears, Kris Knight, John West, Joey Ray
LENGTH: 150 mins with bonus material

Can sex really be 'spicy'? Do we really want to think of fucking and sucking in the same terms as habanera peppers and Skovil units? No matter how hot the action or fiery the flesh feeling, the notion that nookie as comparable to that hideous sensation of taste buds being melted away is not necessarily a sane suggestion for erotica. And yet when it comes to certain ethnic fetish titles, usually revolving around Latina lasses with small tits and big asses, words like zesty, piquant and scorching are utilized. While there is nothing really wrong with referring to carnal acts by caliente calling cards, hot peppers and humping really don't go together. And if you refer to your sexcapades as singeing sequences of skullduggery, you better live up to the scalding XXX-pectations. Such is the story with a Simon Wolf Bold/Pure Play Media title called Sizzling Hot Tamales. Right out of the box - or actually, right on the box – the company proclaims that the hardcore action included in this collection of carnality is as red hot as Satan's underpants and twice as tantalizing. It promises to scorch your shorts and boil your balls. It promises to do everything except combust in your lap and French fry your fetlocks. So naturally the question becomes, does this worm burner live up to its heated hype? Sadly, the answer is no. You see, Sizzling Hot Tamales wouldn't know warmth if it boiled up like lava all over LA. True, this is a nice scene compilation with some intense scenes of sexual congress, but it is rather light on the molten monkey business. And there is not a horseradish root insight, even with all the supposedly blistering reverse cowgirl going on.

The DVD:
Sizzling Hot Tamales is nothing very special in terms of its creation. It's simply five gonzo-style scenes of guys fucking gals. The entire Hispanic aspect, so heavily touted and announced as part of the packaging, is more or less ignored as all ethnic issues are sidetracked for the sake of the sex. Indeed, if one had to highlight a theme here, it would be a more 'master and servant' situation, with several barely legal lasses being violated by experienced, aggressive men. So your enjoyment of this title will be based almost exclusively on the attractiveness of the cast and the eroticism of the sex. Gratefully, Sizzling Hot Tamales is fairly decent in both dynamics. The women are uniformly fetching and the men pack plenty of pole punch. About the only languid facet to this feature is the pedestrian direction of Robert Herrera. His convoluted camerawork, which can occasionally miss entire sequences of sharking, leaves a lot to be desired. Still, when viewed individually, we can see that many of these carnal couplings are incredibly enticing. Let's begin with:

Scene 1: Ryan Fuentes, Barrett Blade
Barrett only has two hardcore modes in his fuck facets: languid and loose or jackrabbit randy. Here he is bunny hopping his brains out as he pummels Ryan's pussy for all it's worth. The couple begins their conjugal with some fiery foreplay. There is playful spanking and lots of lip smacking. Ryan blows Barrett and she returns the oral favor. The duo toggles several times between dick licking and snatch snacking. They then engage in reverse cowgirl, cowgirl, spooning, doggie, and pile driver, with Mr. Blades banging away like a madman and Ms. Fuentes feelin' every lovin' minute of it. She is so happy, in fact, that she insists on several sessions of V to M throughout the position switching. Barrett finally barrels up to the beaver and missionaries the mambo out of her. The porking is hard and heavy and eventually gets so intense, that Ryan can no longer control herself. This wench becomes so wet that she squirts all over. This sends Barrett over the edge and he explodes like a faulty fountain, sending spew on the floor, bed, body, and face. Ryan does the polite thing and sucks him dry. This is as good as Sizzling Hot Tamales gets and, frankly, the XXX is first rate. Ryan and Barrett are by no means pin-up models, and there is not a lot of personality to their pounding. But for high quality shaft to slit action, this is a very erotic scene. Score: 7 out of 10

Scene 2: Lena Julliett, Randy Spears

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As one of the "elder statesmen" of fuck films, it's hard for Randy Spears to give a bad hardcore performance. It helps here that Lena Julliett has a young girl gratuitousness that forces Master Spears into a sensual, subtler mode. To start with, Lena lunches on Randy's rod with reckless abandon, adding lots of ball action to the antics. Mr. Spears pokes around Lena's love canal before the couple combines in the cowgirl position. Along with some additional anal fingering, the duo shuck and jive with the best of them as they maneuver through doggie and the reverse range rider. Many times during the turmoil, Randy pops out so that his Julliett can snack on his shaft, V to M style. When it's time to bang the butt, Randy rears up and takes the backwards saddle sore circumstances. Lena loves it, and shows her appreciation by A to M-ing the member. After a session of straight butt sex, with lots of forceful thrusting, Randy relieves himself of lust liquid all over Lena's face. Professional, passionate and to the point, this sequence is yet another example of what makes Sizzling Hot Tamales so smokin'. Randy ratchets up his game to make Lena look good and together they come up with a very torrid scene. Score: 7 out of 10

Scene 3: Jenaveve Jolie, Kris Knight
After the first two scenes in this set, the chemistry-free flouncing between Ms. Veve and Mr. Knight (who we later learn are an actual couple – OUCH!) doesn't do much for one's dingle tingle. The lovers play a bit be-fore hand, and instantly jump into his and hers oral. Eventually, they move over into 69, with horrible camera angles blocking most of the moistness. Flipping through the pork parameters, J and K engage in reverse cowgirl, doggy, and then the regular horse hockey before our lothario pops all over his lady fair. She takes the jizz wizz all over her face and mouth. For real life fuck buddies to suck – figuratively – so hard in a scene is almost unheard of, but Jenaveve and Kris approach their plucking like they're meeting for the first time. As a result, the sex is stilted and the sizzle is scuttled. Score: 2.5 out of 10

Scene 4: Jennifer Luv, John West
Poor John West – he is certainly not blessed with the best shaft in the world of erotic cinema. Looking more like a fleshy baby bird than a wicked wonder wand, this tool titan must try and vaginally dominate Ms. Luv (hey, what happened to the Hewitt???). Their scene suffers from a lack of lumber, rendering everything less than hardcore happy. After some kissing and fondling, the perverted pecker is released and Jenny gives it a rather pathetic batch of head. While there is some welcome ball and shaft action, the overall blowing is just plain bad. We seem to magically progress into pussy territory, as the two cattle rustling roundups are experienced, along with a little bit of bow-wow and some mediocre mish. While there is ample V to M, it does not make up for the weird wang issues. When John finally flows, it's directly into Jennifer's mouth. While it may not be fair to blame the "blahs" produced by this scene on Mr. West's less-that-stellar trouser snake, there does seem to be a direct connection between his lack of hang and the ho-hum quality of the coitus. Score: 3 out of 10

Scene 5: Mary Jane, Joey Ray
Mary Jane and Joe try to save this scene compilation from being front heavy with fun and they just about succeed. They seem to enjoy each other and really get off on the fucking. Beginning with foreplay and waltzing through some oral and 69, the couple breaks out the bonking and move right into cowgirl. They then take the Tantrics lying down, as spooning is next on the mons menu. After a nice long session of reverse cowgirl (with lots of interrupting V to M) Mr. Ray gets his rocks off, spewing spunk all over MJ's mouth and face. And if that's not gnarly enough, this dude drops down and snowballs the semen with his newfound ladylove. Finally finding a way to get us back on the tantalizing train track, this duo really delivers in the arena of hardcore histrionics. While it would have been nice for the couple to copulate in a few other positions (perhaps even explore the ass a little?) the resulting randiness creates regular rigidity throughout. Score: 6 out of 10

Sizzling Hot Tamales is a decent scene assemblage complicated by a few very real limitations. Part of the problem with this pedestrian porn film is its lack of invention. There is more imagination and consideration given to the tacky cover art and even more campy ad copy ("A Latina Banquet: These Five Spicy Nymphs are Ready to Open Their Succulent Pink Pussies and Serve Delicious Helpings of Hot Spicy Cum..." HUH?) than where and when the wantonness occurs. Apparently, as long as there is some manner of vertical surface, the place is perfect for Hot Tamales tasting. But the other major malfunction here comes from director Robert Herrera's hackneyed camera skills. Going gonzo when he should be more worried about focus and framing, his 'caught in the act' callousness destroys many a magic moment on this set, missing the XXX elements we all love about adult material (mainly, penis pumping pussy). Yet the real reason Sizzling Hot Tamales fails to fully realize its potential is because, frankly, it really doesn't want to. Thanks to the predominance of Internet smut and DVD deviousness, some hardcore creators think that, as long as it's got dicks drilling dames, who cares about anything else. Indeed, this compilation appears to be banking on the fact that fuck fans will watch anything as long as it has that action verb in its scene scenario. Instead of trading on the Hispanic honeys it so proudly touts, Sizzling Hot Tamales is all talk and no tostada. And that means a rather meager meal for skin flick aficionados.

The Video:
Looking really good for a home movie style sex film, Sizzling Hot Tamales has nice color correction and detail-oriented contrast to its 1.33:1 full screen image. The outdoor footage never "whites-out" and the indoor scenes maintain a nice balance of shadow and light. While the overall transfer still looks a little on the cheap side, this is still a professional quality DVD presentation.

The Audio:
Never fully utilizing the Dolby Digital Stereo, we get some decent Latin rhythms, but mostly we have to suffer through dialogue drop out and volume issues. In the area of aural attributes, Sizzling Hot Tamales is like cold leftover refried beans.

The Extras:
Simon Wolfe Bold and Pure Play Media try to "flesh out" this DVD with some interesting, if typical, bonus material. First up is a series of trailers that do a good job of highlighting the company's product. Then there is the less than stellar still gallery, which really is pointless in connection with a live action movie. We can revisit the pop shots scattered throughout the disc (another waste of wanton space) and there is a Behind the Scenes featurette that gives us a chance to meet the actresses up close and personal – not that they have much to say. Jenaveve lets us in on her Kris Knight-only mandates while Mary Jane can't wait to jump in the pool after porking poor Joey Ray. Lena Julliett is a little lock jawed, not offering much in the way of personal insight while Ryan Fuentes does a decent imitation of a deer in the headlights. Overall, this kind of Q&A is okay, as long as the interviewer has a clue about what to ask and how to approach each actress. Sadly, there is none of that investigative dynamic present in this onset report.

Finally, a little cross-promotion takes place as a bonus scene from one of Simon Wolfe's other productions is offered here:

Bonus Scene: From Til Sex Do Us Part (2002)
Featuring: Dee, Jonathan Simms
Director: Cash Markman
11 mins
As Randy Spears complains about the noise next door, the couple making the racket gets randy. John tosses Dee's derriere salad, occasionally slipping his lips down to the twat. After a visit to Connie's backdoor, Dee saddles up for some shaft slurping. She blows Mr. Simms good and hard until it's time to visit the dog 'pound'. There is lots of pelvis to pooper as John jams Dee from behind. The reverse cowgirl concept is explored in both the vaginal and anal aspects, and the butt loving really gets raw when a little spooning is tossed in for good measure. After a little A to M, Johnny spills his ball squeezings all over Dee's mouth. This is a nice little scene with some very fiery fucking and sucking. Too bad a couple of the sequences in Sizzling Hot Tamales couldn't live up to the bonus bonking included herein. Score: 6 out of 10

Final Thoughts:
It is a safe bet that for many hardcore heroes out there, Sizzling Hot Tamales will offer up more than enough hairy taco treats to keep your ribs – and other areas – tickling for days. And, granted, out of the myriad of Macarena-based porno placed on the market, this collection of comely lasses has plenty of poblano power. But there is still a supreme lack of fire in a couple of the sequences and the overall feeling is derivative, not decadent. On the Disco Dirge Peter Meter, this DVD still earns a healthy 5.5 out of 10 and is recommended. Couples will have no problem with the succulent salsa circumstances here, so a Cohabitation Certification is easily granted. So here's a word of warning for all you adult industry ad men out there. If you're going to name a movie after a favorite ethnic dish, and then proclaim that it has the same fire factors as long baked brimstone, you better be able to deliver on the risquι roasting. Sizzling Hot Tamales is rather sheepish when it comes to the meat heat manifesto. But there is enough lukewarm lewdness to keep us more or less satisfied. This is definitely the Taco Bell of porn titles, not a trip to an authentic Mexican eatery.

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