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My Horny Valentine


Studio: VCA » Review by Staff Review » Review Date: 9/20/04



XCritic's Advice: Skip It

THE SEX

You won't be able to tell from watching My Horny Valentine, but blonde and busty Stacy Valentine was one of adult's more entertaining performers before she retired just a few years back. Sadly, this 1997 effort from VCA and director Jim Enright isn't the highpoint of Stacy's sexual career, and should be skipped by all but the most die-hard Valentine fans.

The extremely thin plot revolves around Stacy playing a stripper who is moving into a new neighborhood and is worried what the resident will think about her profession. The movie opens with Tony Tedeschi helping Stacy move some boxes into her new place, and offering to get some of his friends to help her with her move.

Tony rushes back to his place, where he catches pal Peter North and blonde Laura Palmer making out on his bed. He explains to them about Stacy, and they both can immediately tell that Tony has a huge crush on the neighborhood's newest gal.

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There are two flashback sequences in My Horny Valentine that feature other performers that not only have nothing to do with the movie, but they are so poorly lit that they appear to have been scenes that were shot for a different title. The first of these scenes is next, as we watch a pairing between Morgan Fairlane and Jake Steed. The second comes later in the movie and showcases Jacklyn Lick and Nick East.

Other than Stacy herself, one of the more attractive women in My Horny Valentine is Maya (credited here as "Maya Reign"). She has two scenes in the movie, starting with a nice pairing with T.T. Boy, and then (in the title's next-to-last scene) a threesome between her, Christi Lake and Peter North.

Stacy has two scenes in My Horny Valentine, but neither of them really showcase her talent. The first is a girl/girl encounter with Christi Lake; and the second is a pairing with Tony Tedeschi that concludes the movie. Stacy does get a facial from Tony, but otherwise their scene doesn't generate much heat.

VIDEO/AUDIO

In the past, VCA has turned out some very good video transfers of classic titles. This one is less so, even though the movie is as recent as 1997. There's an overall lack of sharpness to the video, and it doesn't look a whole lot better than VHS. The audio doesn't fare much better, giving us a 2.0 track that is average, at best.

THE EXTRAS

Once again, VCA proves how much it is slipping. They used to make an effort to provide a nice selection of extras even on their classic releases. Here, all viewers get is a poor-looking slide show, box covers of other titles (not even any trailers!) and a cast list (which is already on the back of the box cover!).

BRIAN'S BOTTOM LINE

Because of the so-so video/audio quality, the lack of any meaningful bonus material and (perhaps most importantly) the fact that this isn't one of Stacy's better movies this is one Valentine that you'd be better off not receiving. Don't give up on Stacy entirely though...if you'd like to see this busty blonde in some truly sizzling DVD action, take a look at VCA's Chasing Stacy (an interactive adventure) and Cold Feet.


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