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Nothing Underneath #3

Studio: Simon Wolf Productions » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 10/13/04

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

GENRE: Straight Scene Compilation
DIRECTORS: Robert Herrera
STARS: Montana Rae, August, Eve Lawrence, Nicole Parks, Jordan Fleiss, Joey Ray, Barrett Blade, Nick Manning
LENGTH: 150 mins with bonus material

When is a gimmick not a gimmick? When it's pointless and counterproductive to the element it is trying to enhance. For years now, the outsider adult industry, those not capable of contract players or massive PR, have tried to sell their wanton wares through the use of outright ploys. Some of them seem obvious squirting, anal atrocities, cum drinking, gangbanging. But every once in a while, a misdirection device will be employed that makes absolutely no sense. For example, there is a whole series of "barely legal" labels that really push the definition of both terms. Indeed, when offering up actresses who are supposed to suggest jailbait, but actually resemble your average mid-20s disaffected tart, no amount of fake ID illustration can deflate the fakeness. Equally unctuous are the real tit titles, supposed celebrations of the unadorned chest that always seem to find the most misshapen or minimally mouthwatering examples of same. From post-coital peeing (by the way, is that a compliment, or a complaint?) to food-based fantasies where the only cuisine concocted comes from cans, not carnality, there is perhaps too much dull diversity in the adult film industry.

Add Nothing Underneath #3 to the list of useless ballyhoo. From its cover and its opening credit sequence, you'd swear that this bottomless babe-a-thon would make something special out of a lack of below-the-waist lingerie. Yet once we get into the meat of this rather simple scene compilation, we learn that lacking a pair of panties means absolutely nothing in the grand scam scheme of the sex. It's just a crackpot come-on, a phony way to fluff up interest in an otherwise unexceptional title. And it's too bad. Nothing Underneath is actually a decent collection of cock-knocking. It didn't need the dumbass nomenclature to get some erotic attention.

The DVD:
Nothing Underneath #3 is a Robert Herrera film all the way, from the musical montage credits that almost always undermine the main tone and tenure of the movie (if his sex sizzles, his score is either overamped techno or limp soft schlock soul) to the lack of any real sinful set up to his scenes. All throughout the five illustrations of ball and bush bantering offered here, our couples copulate at the drop of a scene marker, not because of any narrative or plot-based necessity. The most that can be said about the sequences in Nothing Underneath #3 is that a few of the ladies looking for log are unnaturally obsessed with the couch. At least two installments open up with our bare-ass babes fidgeting with the sofa fluffing cushions, folding throws, etc. Also, Herrera has certain he-men he prefers over others. So if you fail to find Barrett Blade or Joey Ray acceptable adult acting partners for the pussy placed within NU3, you'll be really disappointed (Joey's jock is featured in no less than three of the five scenes). Individually, we can clearly define where the porking plumps and the sole instance where the sharking literally sucks. Let's being with:

Scene 1: Montana Rae, Joey Ray
It's another day of domestic bliss in the wicked world of Montana Rae, as she does her daily chores without a stitch of cloth across her coot. While searching the settee for chinch bugs, Joey comes along and cops a feel of fur. He works his hand all over Ms. Rae's nether regions and it's not long before the couple takes up residence on the divan. Montana gives Joey some sensual head and within seconds, 69 satisfies them both. With the mutual mouth motions a done dirty deal, it's time to get down to some deranged dicking. Mr. Ray whips out his wonder wand and Ms. Rae (not related, by the way, since they both have different last names. Kind of works out like that in the real world) climbs on top to try out a little cowgirl convention. She is so happy with the poon harping that she gives Joe's groin some V to M. Next, the couple reverse the horse hiding, and just like before, cock to craw cements the sexuality. After a final bit of spooning and straight stump bumping, Joey explodes, leaving a telltale trail of tool gruel all over Montana's face and mouth. She sucks the sludge off the end of Ray's rod, and he gives her a nice, long open mouth kiss to share in the spunk. Joe and Mo make a fine couple, completely connected to one another within the entire body of the scene. There is a great deal of passion here, and the expression of mutual excitement really shows in the sequence. Score: 8 out of 10.

Scene 2: August, Barrett Blade

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Our bouncing, beefy boy Barrett is back for another exercise in portly porn, and August apparently couldn't be happier. She gives Barrett a series of sloppy, wet kisses and lets him languish on her lungs for a while. Mr. Blade is not finished with the babe's body parts, however. He jumps down to the snatch and starts snacking on it like a big plate of hairy tacos. After fingers find the joy junction, August angles for some man meat. She blows Barrett nice and hard, with a little dick to tit slapping and blatant ball action to top off the tool tasting. The first fuck position entertained by the duo is that saddle sore circumstance, reverse cowgirl. Next, a trip to the twat dog pound is in order, as basic bow-wow is braved. August even does a little reach around to Mr. Blade's ballsack and he responds by piling on the douche driver. V to M rounds out the routine, before Barrett and his babe try out a rare position ploy. While in standard cowgirl, Mr. B lifts up his ladylove and, bat still in beaver, moves right into a quick splash of straight mish. This final feat pushes Barrett over the edge and he's ready to rock his rolls. A nice sampling of shaft syrup slithers into August's mouth and she accepts the faux-facial with grace. This is, again, another dynamite scene. Barrett is usually a very aggressive actor and he really turns up the heat when he finds a honey that responds. August is definitely up to the carnal challenge and the result is a sizzling skin-on-skin workout. Score: 7.5 out of 10.

Scene 3: Eve Lawrence, Joey Ray
It's Joey's johnson up to ball once again as he takes on the feather dusting Eve. Seems she wants to keep the dining room grit free, and figures the best way to accomplish it is via humping J-Ray in this family feedbag arena. Joey starts the shenanigans as he sucks on Eve's breasts and then makes his way to the mons to visit Connie the Linguist. He adds some complimentary tongue jousting to satisfy Eve's perch proclivities. Positioning herself to puff on pole, Ms. Lawrence launches into the log with randy relish, even tantalizing the taint and balls with her long, luxuriant licks. The couple then completes a session of tit and face fucking before finally placing prick in puss. There is cowgirl, with V to M, spooning, with more V to M, doggy with equal orifice-to-oral expression, scissors with mandatory crotch to craw and a final bout of reverse cowgirl containing just a smidgen more twat to tonsils. Joey enjoys the mixture of mouth and mons so much he lets a load fly across Eve's face, chest and hair. This is another example of how the right combination makes the fucking that much more favorable. Joey and Eve are just right, attentive and aggressive without being outrageous. The result is a very intense, very enjoyable exercise in sexology. Score: 7 out of 10.

Scene 4: Nicole Parks, Nick Manning
Here's the upside of Nicole and Nick's pairing: this couple can really copulate. Now, here's the problem they can't quark quietly. This duo drowns the soundtrack with so much sex noise/ trash talking aural pollution that you just wish they'd shut up and fuck. Their sonic shit completely undermines this scene. After some kissing and foreplay, Manning flicks clit until he can get his fingers into the folds. Then he violates Ms. Parks passion pit and even lets her sample a few digital dishes. Nicky noshes on knob for a while, giving the shaft plenty of soft pallet pleasure. The first fornication formation is doggy, with added pile driving dimensions. Next there is some straight mish moshing. The complimentary V to M is also explored, before more rodeo ramifications. The cowgirl conundrum, in both regular and reverse versions, is resolved and Nick prepares to plop penis potion all over Nicole's face and mouth. As he relieves his personal pleasure pressure, he lets out a stream of stupid smut speak that sounds as sad as it is useless. Aside from the decibel desecrations, director Robert Herrera also fudges up this fleecing by placing his camera so close to the action that we can no longer make out human body parts. It all becomes a mesh of flesh and creases. While 'the Nicks' match up quite nicely, their personal palaver - as well as Herrera's ludicrous lensing - undermines the scene's effectiveness. Score: 4 out of 10

Scene 5: Jordan Fleiss, Joey Ray
Sadly, Jordan is the least attractive actress in this compilation, and her partnership with triple-header Ray is a lot less sexy because of this. It's not like the lass can't shark with the best of them, but her waif-like unwashed look will taunt your pretty kitty tendencies. Still, as Joey starts the foreplay, there is hope for the humping. The couple kisses and cuddles before the blowjob basics begin. Soon, the head hierarchy de-evolves into a mutual mating of 69. Then the lovers are entwined in a heated cowgirl arrangement. Joey even manages to place a finger in Jordan's pucker, just to get her rectum ready for the reaming to come. After a sequence of spooning (with intermediate Vag to Mouth) and a passionate pooch pounding direct from the carnal kennel club, it's time to tap that ass. Joey positions his pole and with a slow, subtle stroke, he's dicking the dumper with ease. The anal spoon is supplanted by the rear end reverse rodeo. Mr. Ray is finally ready to release his testicle treats all over Ms. Fleiss's face and after giving her his groin gravy, he even offers up a nice cum-sharing kiss. Again, Herrera is wielding his camera like it's a microscope, going places that no human's vision should ever violate. This extreme imagery, along with Jordan's passable appearance really renders this scene basic, instead of blistering. Still, Ray and Fleiss sell the suck and fuck well, and the result is a decent sequence undermined by unpredictable outside forces. Score: 6 out of 10.

As you can probably tell by the lack of its importance in the descriptions above, the fact that these actresses all are wearing Nothing Underneath (#3, mind you) during the course of each scene means absolutely squat. As a gimmick, its dumb and highly derivative of what passes for invention in today's 'anything for a buck' fuck trade. Even without the commercial minded come on, NU3 would be a very good, if occasionally disappointing, scene collection. For the most part, the sex is sensational and almost every coupling adds to the carnality. When he's not trying to force his viewfinder up some woman's womb, director Robert Herrera understands the fundamentals of bringing the ball to the screen. He allows his shot selection to amplify, not atrophy, the passion between the players and when the sex is hot, the whole sequence sizzles with interpersonal pulchritude. Something that is not so successful is the overuse of one actor throughout the film. Joey Ray is a decent enough dong dropper, capable of being both harsh and humane. But to see his paunchy, poky personage three separate times is a tad too much. Herrera could at least double up on each stud he hires (why give Ray three when Blades and Manning only manage a single session each?), the better to add that wonderfully wicked spice of life variety to the parameters of porn. Still, aside from all these flesh feast flaws, Nothing Underneath #3 is an above-average adult entertainment that should simply sell itself without the dumb, dopey nom-de-poon. No one cares that these women are sans their skivvies. All the audience wants is hardcore histrionics. And this compilation delivers.

The Video:
Looking really good for a home movie style sex film, Nothing Underneath #3 has nice color correction and detail-oriented contrast to its 1.33:1 full screen image. The single scene with outdoor footage doesn't suffer from eye blinding "white-out" and the indoor sequences maintain a nice balance of shadow and light. While the overall transfer still looks a little on the cheap side, this is a professional quality DVD presentation.

The Audio:
Never fully utilizing the Dolby Digital Stereo, this is camcorder microphone theater at its most tinny and hollow. The actors' voices and noises echo off the drywall acoustics of their performance environments and what little music that's used (mostly as bumper between scenes material) is dull, derivative techno trash. While somewhat better than most low-end productions, the aural elements offer nothing to tempt your eardrums.

The Extras:
Let's get the basics out of the way right up front. As with most adult DVD titles released today, Nothing Underneath #3 presents the same old shit as purchase-enticing added content. Trailers, photo galleries, pop shot compilations and other website/phone sex ads are pretty much the standard when it comes to bonus materials. So under that dynamic, Nothing Underneath #3 is at least on par with the norm. They do add an interesting Behind the Scenes featurette that gives us a glimpse of the gals both before, and after, the aardvarking. Here is a warning, though. Nothing destroys mystique quicker than being a complete lox in the interview chair, and Montana Rae is such a sturgeon. She is so lifeless, so absent in personality that you automatically begin rethinking your reaction to her bout of body boogie with Joey Ray in Scene 1. Jordan Fleiss and August are much more interesting, and we even see the sheepish embarrassment on Barrett Blades face as he arrives late for his shoot. And though it is advertised on the cover art, there is no bonus scene on Nothing Underneath #3, meaning that what you see in the carnal collection proper is all the platty-puss and prick there is.

Final Thoughts:
How hard can it be to come up with porn titles and ideas? After all, not every new movie has a hardcore equivalent, and there are dozens of cable, satellite and pay-per-view entities that could be lampooned. When you name a DVD Nothing Underneath #3, you expect the lack of panties to play a part in the XXX antics. But nothing of that sordid sort happens here. So why not call it something else, like Sharking Tale or Ream America, Ass Police (come to think of it, Seymour Butts probably has that name all tied up). In any case, and by any title, Nothing Underneath #3 would still be a good little hardcore compilation. It earns an impressive 6.5 out of 10 on the Disco Dirge Peter Meter and is recommended for anyone who wants to see good, engrossing suck and fuck action without all the irritating novelty items. Couples will also clamor for the hog and honey hole hotness sizzling across the screen. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded.

There is a lesson to be learned from Nothing Underneath #3: reputation, not ridiculous attention-grabbing gobbledygook will get you a lot further in the flesh trade. As long as he keeps putting out quality porn of the type represented on this DVD, Robert Herrera won't have to worry about devising a ruse to get fuck fans to favor his product. After all, fetish freaks of all kinds will be sadly disappointed when they learn that Nothing Underneath actually means nothing special. Thankfully, those willing to give it a chance will be rewarded with high quality quackenbush. So drop your drawers and enjoy!

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