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Heartfelt 2

Studio: Adam & Eve » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 11/23/04

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Heartfelt 2

Adam & Eve

Genre: Feature

Director: Thomas Paine

Cast: Shayla LaVeaux, Shelbee Myne, Laura Palmer, Randee Lee, Cara Lott, Rick Masters, Brick Majors, Buck Adams, Alec Glide, John West, Valentino

Length: 78 minutes

Date of Production: 11/97 (credits) 12/97 (box)

Extra's: None

Condoms: Yes

Audio/Video Quality: The stereo audio was mixed at best. The soundtrack sounded like one that Nintendo turned down for it's first videogame-a terrible excuse for music in a modern porn movie. The vocals and overdubs were sometimes poor enough to make me look kindly at old Charlie Chaplin movies (like the silent ones that Videophile reviews) and wish for a return to the good old days. The video varied from poor transfer problems to just lame photography but at least it was presented in the original aspect ratio of 1.33:1 ratio full frame color. There were issues with colors bleeding over and almost every scene had compression artifacts at some point or another (some having far more than others). While the movie was mastered long ago, at the dawn of porn DVDs, it should've looked better than this one did.

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Body of Review: Revisiting older porn is something a lot of fans do these days now that DVD has become the dominant format. The reason for this is clear; older titles are being released on DVD in increasing numbers, with a great many of them excellent at showing a day in porn when gonzo wasn't the first, second and last thing on everyone's mind. That said, I took a look at an older review of mine (one of my first) along with a look at the DVD itself of Heartfelt 2, a feature porno starring a cutie I've long lusted after, Shayla LaVeaux. The cover entices us to buy this movie with a couple of very nice shots of Shayla with the credits on the case even listing her first. Not having had the displeasure to view the first volume, I didn't know that the lead was really Laura. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick her out of bed; it's just that a bit of honesty in packaging might've helped with marketing credibility here. In any case, the same old story about a psychologist having sex with everyone is standard in porn, although usually done much better. Here's a look at the scenes as I first saw them so many years ago, noting the feel for the scenes has been kept intact:

Scene One: Okay, I watched the movie and noticed that the first sex scene was with Cara. She'd been around for decades and had looked much better than this elsewhere. When Thomas zoomed in on her implant scars (areola scars), I got to see that it wasn't just the younger gals who have self esteem problems. She engaged in oral with straight sex with 4 guys (Billy, Brick, Valentino, and a very young John), none of which could get more than semi-hard. If you see this, you won't hesitate to fast forward to the next scene. What's the point if the guys actually there with her were having problems getting excited? I didn't, and you won't, care a lot to see this scene.

Scene Two: I then got to see a 69 with Shayla. The close ups (thanks Thomas) showed me her razor burn and fake breasts while I got a glimpse of Rick's many ass zits. It was too good to be true! (for the sarcasm impaired, I was kidding) In any case, the tame sex was weaker than I have on most weekends, even when I'm alone, and probably the weakest scene I've ever seen the often lovely Shayla in.

Scene Three: Scene three was almost as thrilling except that both stars, Laura and Alec, look like the filmed this one first thing in the morning before they had their coffee (and crystal meth or other stimulant). Neither of them should include this one on their resume if they want to provide a list of best scenes, if you catch my drift.

Scene Four: The fourth scene has Shayla pretending to have fun with Rick. The problem is that if you believe she's actually having any fun-you must think wrestling is real, the check's in the mail, and he'll only put it in a little ways. I think Shayla is at her best in movies directed by men that know her talents and use them accordingly (like Jim Holliday) but when stuck working with hacks, she can really stink.

Scene Five: The last scene was the threesome with Randee, Shelbee and Buck. It was about the best sex in the movie and that put it only slightly above Ed Power's or Randy West's home movies. The oral and straight sex was weak and while I've watched a ton of porn in my day, this was among the lamest stuff I'd come across (keep in mind that I usually like Candida Royalle's movies so it's not like I'm addicted to circus act sex).

Summary: There are worse things you could do with your time than watch this movie. You could get a root canal, dive into a swimming pool filled with double edged razor blades, or watch Yentl. All three of these activities is worse; at least a little worse. The acting was poor; even for porn movies, the direction of the movie was laughable (there wasn't any), and the sex was about as exciting as watching public TV. It looked thrown together at the last minute and I have to wonder why anyone would enjoy this. Each of the actresses have been in far better movies and looked far sexier; making me wonder how all the right elements could be so right yet worked together so poorly. Is it any wonder I rated this a Skip It, even so long ago?

This Don Houston "retro-review" was written long ago before the so-called Professor of Porn had much experience writing reviews. Since that time, he has found Adam & Eve to have a lot of good releases and seen more porn that almost anyone reviewing on the internet. Keep in mind that his comments accurately reflected his fresh viewpoint of the time he first saw the movie.

Note: You can see recent candid shots of current performers by visiting: My Photo's and read about their antics at 2004 AEE Show.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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