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Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 11/26/04

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Britney Foster's Bitch

Metro Interactive/FusXion

Genre: Lesbian

Director: Britney Foster

Cast: Aria, Pason, Melanie X, Britney Foster, Ashley Long, Faith Grant, Hollie Stevens, Shy Love, Kelly Grant (AKA: Kelly Kline), Tiffani Tease, Nikki Hunter, Ly Len, Brooke

Length: 107 minutes

Dates of Production: 11/13/2003, 11/19/2003

Extra's: The best extra was the 20 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. It had most of the cast either having sex or getting ready to have sex with some footage of them goofing off. I like this type of thing although it wasn't the best I've seen this week. The other extras were a few trailers, a photogallery, and some spam.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The picture was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color that it was originally shot in. The lighting was a bit uneven and the camera angles were less than fulfilling but it was about as good as other low grade porn. I saw a fair number of compression artifacts and the video noise from some of the fishnet outfits drove me nuts (in a bad way) even more than the multitude of shadows did. The stereo English had little separation and minimal dynamic range with some of the vocals barely registering as I listened to what they said.

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Body of Review: Fans of lesbian sex have long known that most such scenes simply do not work since the action has to reasonably convey a measure of heat between the cast (even more so than in straight porn) and this is rare for a number of reasons. One of Metro's newest directors, Britney Foster, has established that she's their point person for providing lesbian antics with the others focusing their efforts elsewhere. Sadly, her directing talent is something of a mixed bag with some releases being pretty good and others being far too weak in terms of heat and chemistry for my liking. Her latest release, Britney Foster's Bitch, is one of the weakest movies the gal has made to date and I'm not going to dance around the issue; it sucks (and in a bad way). Taking some of the best gals in the jizz bizz, Britney proceeded to have them use toys, fingers and tongues to attempt to get one another off and the best they could muster was a half-hearted warmth that was very inconsistent. If you'd like to know more, read the following breakdown of scenes by cast, noting that there was a lot of anal with toys but little else worth checking out:

Scene One: Aria, wearing a strap on dildo, Pason, the lean hotty wearing a stripper outfit, and Melanie X, a gal that seemed to be going for the weird gal award with her checkerboard stockings, had a scene by a glass wall after Britney led the two submissives to Aria's side. The gals were energetic and seemed to be into the scene but Pason and Aria carried it for the most part. It had oral, vaginal and anal with the usual taste testing going on and some of the longest gape times I've seen outside of a Red Light District release.

Scene Two: Ashley, the long legged British blonde, and Faith, a gal that reminded me of a young Wendy Divine, had a scene after playing some pool with one another. Ashley took the dominant role this time and fans will appreciate her fishnet top as it accentuated her figure enough to detract from Faith's implants. Britney joined them in plunging a glass dildo into Faith and then Ashley but otherwise didn't do a whole lot. I liked the dildo action and dirty talk but it seemed somewhat tamer than I've seen Ashley do in the past and Faith has never been a favorite of mine.

Scene Three: Hollie, a curvy blonde, and Shy, a very cute brunette with a hot fetish outfit on, were directed (in a mind-numbing fashion) by Britney as they went through the paces on a couch. Like many of the other gals, there were a lot of ass zits here and neither gal was pick of the litter although I've favorably reviewed Shy in a few other releases of late. They used toys and fingers to attempt to get each other off but the heavy-handed direction weakened the heat and even Shy's lovely ass couldn't save this one. Britney sort of participated again but only in the most minimal of ways, also lowering the heat for me.

Scene Four: Kelly, one of the cuter gals in porn at this writing, Tiffani, a bleached blonde with a stunned look upon her face, and Britney, the lead gal and director of the show, were up next in a scene on the indoor staircase. The action was similar to the other scenes and fans of lesbian toy worship will immediately understand everything they need to know in mere moments but the scene suffered from the same limitations of the other scenes. A little of this kind of thing goes a long way and even with all of their holes filled, mechanical sex is just that; mechanical. Oral, vaginal, anal and ATM were common here but other than the eye candy known as Kelly (who did have some solid dirty talk), the scene had little special going for it.

Scene Five: Nikki, a hot and curvy blonde, Ly, a tiny Asian gal, and a very good looking Brooke, were up in the last scene, giving me hope that the entire movie wasn't without some redeeming qualities. Britney joined this group too but got in the way more than anything and all the fake moaning as the cast did the same formulaic stuff (which got boring long before this scene) with dildos on a couch. I'm not suggesting I'd have turned any of them down (far from it) but there was no chemistry and little energy for most of the scene; making it a waste of time for me. Let's face it, if my dick doesn't get hard watching a porno, the sex is lame, no matter what other factors you consider. Pass!

Summary: Britney is not untalented sexually and has made a movie or two as director that showed she could transcend her ability to provide some solid heat for your enjoyment but this was not one of the better ones she's made. I'm going to rate it as a Skip It, even though I enjoy lesbian sex tricks as much as most living males seem to do, since the amount of fuck for the buck was low, the cast looked a little drawn at times, and the antics more forced than I prefer to see. If you're a huge fan of one or more of the cast, feel free to check this one out but you'll be kidding yourself if you find anything resembling heat from most of these couplings. Look for her other work or blow it off altogether but keep in mind that you can do much better.

Note: You can see recent candid shots of several of these performers by visiting: My Photo's and read about their antics at 2004 AEE Show.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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