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Psycho Biker Sluts From Hell

Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 11/30/04

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Psycho Biker Sluts From Hell

Knob Ryder

Genre: Lesbian, Vignette

Directors: Father John (directed Hell scenes), Kristen, Rex Ryder

Cast: Gina Ryder, Chandler, Temptress, Felecia, Charlie, Shelbee Myne, Kristen, Samantha, Cherry Chase, Mariah, Paizley Adams/Annie Bunz, Daisy Chain, Jeanie Rivers/Jasmine

Length: ~92 minutes

Dates of Production: 6/23/99, 7/18/99, 9/14/99, 10/10/99

Extra's: 2 trailers (Carnal Secrets and Agent 69) and a photo gallery with 4 whole pictures

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: "The audio was not good. Aside from the poor special effects, sound and video on the Hell scenes, the overall sound was hollow and often competing with the music. The music itself was okay for a short while but it got boring; sort of a rock equivalent of the droning disco beat I am used to in low grade porn. The full frame color video quality was worse than the audio. The lighting was weak and the overall resolution was poor. The visual effects were even goofier than the audio effects in the Hell scenes.

Body of Review: Bad porn has long been a hazard to reviewers and the movies we get to watch aren't always the top of the line releases that so many of us prefer. A case in point; Psycho Biker Sluts From Hell, a title that screams out "cool" but had so little going for it that I wanted to wash myself after checking it out some years ago. Here's a look at what I said a long time ago, complete with a scene breakdown but don't expect it to make a lot of sense since I found myself nearly at a loss for words when suffering through the movie:

-- sponsored by --

"Gina stars as Satan and she wants to rule the world by converting women into lesbians with her army of psycho biker sluts from hell. The entire movie is a series of lesbian sex scenes that are very loosely connected to the premise. There are probably more tattoo's and piercings on the women here than in any other movie I've watched in the last 20 years. The movie contains lesbian, multiple partners, toys, strap on's, 69, rimming, and light bondage/fetish. There are 5 distinct scenes here with one scene a continuation of another with two more women. The plot is especially silly and the acting bad. They should have just tossed out the idea since so little is done with it in the first place."

"The first scene involves two biker sluts in a small locker room. The second is a bar scene with some goofy looking male bikers watching the next two sluts. This scene gets new blood halfway through when two more women join them. The third is a three-way on a strip club's stage. The fourth is two women on a pool table. The last is between Gina and two of her minions.

All of the scenes are so similar to one another, with the sole exception of the second half of scene two, that details are a moot point. Suffice it to say that everyone licks, fingers, and uses toys on, each other. Scene 2.5 introduced a bit of light S&M and Felecia was fun to watch but otherwise, the whole thing sucked donkey balls.

Summary: I like this kind of action and the women are mostly natural (except for their body art/piercings) which was a plus. The technical concerns of this production were the most bothersome. I've reviewed and/or watched movies with almost every star here and half of them didn't look familiar this time. I went over it three times trying to match each stars tattoos so I could identify them for my review. A friend helped and we still only positively identified 7 of them. So, in an effort to be fair, I left out a who's who per scene. If Knob Ryder wants to keep them anonymous, so be it. Anyway, the action itself was pretty good in a couple of scenes and even though the women weren't at their best, they were still okay to watch once with a bit of effort to lay off the remote control. This is a raincoater's movie in all ways. If you like lesbians wearing leather, using toys on each other, and going down on one another-you'll be able to enjoy this movie. The extras were lousy as was the audio/video quality but the actual movie merits rental if not purchase. The movie was filmed on four separate days between 6/99 and 10/99 and it shows. Further, there were three different directors making it. This leads me to think that each scene was filmed for another production and then stuck together with the first concept that came to mind after financing fell through on the other productions. In and of itself, that wasn't a major problem. Throwing scenes together and making a compilation collection is standard operating procedure in the porn industry. Just don't lose focus of what you're doing in the process. Note to Knob Ryder: If you dropped the lame premise and spent more money/time/effort on the production values-this might have been okay." I'm rating it a Skip It for all but those slavering fanboys of the cast but even then, the problems far outweighed the more positive aspects.

This Don Houston "retro-review" was written long ago before the so-called Professor of Porn had much experience writing reviews. Since that time, he has never found Knob Ryder to have any good releases and has seen more porn than almost anyone reviewing on the internet. Keep in mind that his comments accurately reflected his fresh viewpoint of the time he first saw the movie.

Note: You can see recent candid shots of many newer performers by visiting: My Photo's and read about their antics at 2004 AEE Show.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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