GENRE: Straight Scene Compilation
DIRECTOR: Mark Stone
STARS: Jayna Oso, Lily Thai, Melanie Jagger, Heather Gables, Aspen Stevens, Sarah Blake, Monica Tempten, Anthony Hardwood, Randy Spears, Lee Stone, Mario Rossi, John West
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 2004
LENGTH: 150 mins with bonus material
In pornography, the perfecting pairing of performers is crucial to successful carnality. Put the right people together, in couples or combination, and the results can be spine-tingling and crotch-rocking. The horny heat from the hardcore can be felt emanating from the home theater like a constantly shorting diode. But in the wrong configuration, with a gal who doesn't dig dick doing it and a man whose mania for mons is limited to a little blue pill, the resulting raunch could suck like Janine on a fat, steamy clit. Chemistry is crucial in the XXX arena. Nothing defeats the suck and fuck more than a lack of physical compatibility or interpersonal rapport. And when prick and poon are involved, this correlation couldn't be more crucial.
So when Hook-Ups #6 configured its friggin', it obviously had these facets of fornication formation in mind. As a result, the 12 performers here all join and gel together like well-honed hump machines, bringing the balling with sizzle and spark. Certainly, there are some who are better than others, and a few who fail outright. But in the all important area of successful one-on-one interfacing, this DVD understands the duo dynamic all too well. It's a shame that the same can't be said for the talent. Their performances occasionally prove that even the most matched amalgamation can 'cum' up cold.
The premise of the Hook-Up series is fairly simple. An actress is shown onscreen, clamoring for the crotch of a potential paramour. As she struts and frets, skanks and frisks, her foul-mouthed sex talk fills the speaker. Some of our wanton little ladies could take a lesson or two from the filth spewing fuck phone operators advertised all over the DVD. Many have a hard time convincing us of their cock conviction. Instead, they come across like teenagers giving such verbal volley a first time attempt. Still others are focused on fun that we will never see – spanking, cum swallowing – since the scenes don't necessarily match up with their mischievous mouth mandates. After far too much talking, the intended intimate enters and we can begin the bonking. Since each scene functions on its own tentative terms, here is the individual breakdown, blow by ho:
Scene 1: Jayna Oso, Anthony Hardwood
Note to director Mark Stone – if you're going to feature an actress's face in full, extreme close-up, make sure she has her chipped tooth fixed first. Poor Jayna; she's a fine performer in most porn films (and make no mistake, she is here as well) but when Stone pulls directly into that open maw to amplify her arousal smack, Oso's obviously broken dentin sticks out like a gay guy in a gonzo film. All unfortunate enamel aside, Jayna and Mr. Hardwood really spork up a storm in a very nice, serene outdoor setting. Starting with some foreplay and fondling, and quickly moving over to the salad tossing and tongue fucking fun, this couple creates substantial scorching. Once Anthony has finagled some fingering and Jayna enjoys a basic blowjob, it's down to the diddle as face, dog, ass and cow are all explored. Mix in some ass slapping amongst the straight anal and cowgirl butt breaching and it's not long before Anthony is uncorking his penile port. Ms. Oso apparently is pleased with his vintage as she takes a nice long taste of tool tonic before providing a little oral cleanup.
Director Stone has a couple of real bad habits, issues that may throw some of his shark fans for a loop. During the bout of oral, he frames his extreme close-up shot to substantially highlight Ms. Oso's vaginal orifice, an element not really engaged in the scene. As she puffs on that peter off in the distance, it's a lens full of pussylip for the viewer. Some may find this appetizing, but others may be wondering where's the beef...basting. Then as Jayna and Anthony ride the range in the reverse variation, Stone moves his viewfinder in too close once again. This time, we are treated to Juicy Cam, as Ms. Oso's occasional "output" obstructs the optics. It's nice to know how moist this Miss got during the drilling, but it tends to interrupt, not increase, our pleasure. Still, Jayna and Tony are terrific, equally matching one another in desire and dexterity. This is a great little scene and a fine way to start the set. Score: 8 out of 10.
Scene 2: Lily Thai, Randy Spears
We go two for two, for both good and bad, in our next concubine combination. Following a similar brawny beau/miniature Miss ideal, Randy and Lily step up to deliver the delirious dick to douche dancing. But first, Lily must take her shot at talking trash, and thankfully, she stops a full five minutes before Jayna determined to shut her own pie hole. And when they get frisky, Mr. Spears and Ms. Thai really turn it out. There is some very passionate petting, with lots of tit sucking and fondling. Lily lunches on log like she means it and Randy returns the favor by burying his bone deep into that tight Thai twat. Mish, doggy and reverse cowgirl are enjoyed, each against the erotic backdrop of a beautiful waterfall. Hoping to emulate the erupting sluice of liquid, Spears expels his own personal geyser, filling Lily's face with love spray. Straight and to the point, with lots of power and warmth, the Spears/Thai tumble is equally as erotic as Scene 1. Thanks to this twosome of tool tapping, Hook-Ups looks like a winner. Score: 8 out of 10.
Scene 3: Melanie Jagger, Lee Stone
-- sponsored by --
Is it possible? Can we go three for three in the meat and mommy bags department? The answer is a tentative yes. Once again we are treated to Lee Stone's incredibly crooked cock as Melanie moans like a wounded waif, filling the air with the sound of shit speaking. Getting her wish, more or less, Lee steps in and offers up a little before play to amplify the arousal. He then works his way down Ms. Jagger's fetching frame, sucking on titties and snacking on snatch until he's tossed her salad good and hard. He even adds a few fingers to test the taste, and Mel also wants to sample the savor, V to M style. Unable to control her carnal desires, Melanie makes a beeline for boner, working her way along Mr. Stone's twisted tool with only minor difficulty. Suddenly, we switch to straight sex, Lee plowing Melanie's pussy with potent polling. As is standard with Mr. Stone, we then get some standing cowgirl as he takes Ms. Jagger in his arms and violates her void. There is some incredibly deep pile driving (in the doggy position) and Melanie shows how game she is by taking that mammoth member deep into her dumper. After a straight and reverse cowgirl session, Lee is ready to launch. He pops his palatable pork soda all over Mel's mouth. She takes it with regular relish.
Lee is an outlandish male complement for most adult film femmes. His juiced-up jock-ularity can be intimidating and awkward to manage. Thankfully, Melanie handles the hardcore very well. Together they present a formidable facade, looking like a couple who is really into the moment, not the movie. While they tend to talk through the entire scene - pillow patter of the most amusing and downright dopey - they still bring the fire to the fucking, giving us a trifecta of flesh feast fun. Score: 7.5 out of 10.
Scene 4: Heather Gables, Mario Rossi
Oops. It had to happen at some point. Hook-Ups was moving along at such a brisk and brave pace that it had to hit a wanton wall somewhere along the way. Sadly, Ms. Gables is that boring brick in the barrier, and it's really not her fault. She has what could best be described as bud-stage boobs, and these malformed mammaries are not the Dirge's drop of debauchery. Especially odd is the left nipple, which seems permanently concaved, no matter how much Heather handles it. Mario gets no response either, so there is either something physically – or psychologically – wrong with the non-erotic aureole. Still, Heather spews up a storm as she orally opines about her favorite fucking. When Mario finally makes his way in, he adds his own broken English agreement, and we get ready for some unexceptional spelunking. Indeed, this couples' mouths are busier than their bodies in this scene.
During all the antics, from the initial foreplay and tit sucking through the cunnilingus (with fingering) and meat munching, this couple NEVER shuts up. Like nonstop cheerleaders for each other's eros, Ms. Gables and Mr. Rossi are ridiculously verbal throughout. Thankfully, once the fucking starts, the noises move from words to the wanton. We get cock in cunt in the reverse cowgirl, doggy and mish positions before Mario ladles out his own meat marinara all over Heather's hampered hooters. She plays with the pudding for a while before we fade out. On the plus side to this sexcapade, Mario and Heather are perfectly paired, each one managing to magnify and modify the other to enhance their titillating possibilities. It's too bad then that the eventual fucking feels so forced. Rossi reactions are far too over the top (while he is outside, on a hilltop, there is no need to scream it from said locale) and Heather appears in pain a couple of times. While better than average, this balling pales in comparison to the previous trio of trouncing. Score: 6 out of 10.
Scene 5: Aspen Stevens, John West
It's time for another hobbled helping of irregular tit as Aspen shows off her peculiar pair of pillows. Each mound spouts one of those odd aureoles that sit on top of the surrounding tissue like snowballs, and tend to puff up more than the nipples ever do. As a result, you can actually gauge the amount of arousal our Colorado cunt is experiencing. It's interesting to note, then, that her protuberances are pretty flat throughout most of this flaccid fleecing. John is all cut and contoured, but buff doesn't mean bountiful in the butt-fucking department, and there are several moments in this sequence where our couple seems completely lost. After the same old oral offering from Ms. Stevens, John steps up to provide the petting prologue. There is tit sucking and fingering – with V to M by both the male and female participants. Mr. West works the womb for a while, then it's Aspen's turn to blow baloney. As the sex starts up, we see reverse cowgirl, cowgirl, and straight situations. No anal, nothing too unusual. The Rocky Mountain Ms. gets a substantial shot of guy ice all over her face and we're finished.
Along with the lackluster lunging from our performers, director Stone is back for more mess-en-scene strangeness. First, he slows the action down to a mere mindless grind in a few of places, the sex seeming more like a couple of people trying to get comfortable than straight out copulating. Then, he edits the scene in far too many random jump cuts. This undermines any physicality the pair is generating. As a result, there are two strikes against this scene. Unfortunately, it is not the worst of the set. The same sex scenario coming up almost ruins this DVD outright. Score: 5 out of 10.
Scene 6; Sarah Blake, Monica Tempten
When will adult directors learn that gal-gal gratuity is, for the most part, misplaced on their audience? A lesbian scene has to have certain specific parameters, elements that play directly into both fantasy and fact to really get the pocket rocket's attention. Most of the time, the Sappho shenanigans feel like an afterthought, bonus broadstroking the producers think the fan base wants. While they may have a point, and the porn stars all seem up to the clit licking challenge, it's the rare representation that significantly stiffens the snake. The basic babe biometrics here are not part of that necessary novelty. Each lady never shuts up throughout the course of this scene, saying stupid shit that adds nothing to the erotica (someone may find it sexy, but when a girl asks her mattress play date if she likes to be eaten out 40 or 50 times, the impact is nonexistent).
For those interested, there is kissing and foreplay, cabaret and cuddling. Each lassie fingers the other, there are equal amounts of V to M, and each vaginal vignette ends with cunnilingus. There is no squirting, no sluttish abandon – just the standard sisterhood histrionics with very little infatuation or influence. Somewhere in the universe of porn, there must be a director who understands how to make gay sex sizzle. Mark Stone is not that filmmaker. Score: 2.5 out of 10.
Once again, we are faced with a 50/50 feature that provides equal amounts of stimulation and exasperation. In the first three scenes, we get nothing but professional pork product laced with the usual proclivity provocation. But toward the end, the quality starts to slip and by the time we get to the lone lez-out, Hook-Ups #6 should be hung out...to dry. Stone's surreal filmmaking style – putting the camera where it really hinders the hardcore – must be some manner of experimental exercise. When you can see the razor burn of a recently shaved snatch, or smell the stale stink of man ass as an actor's brown eye stares you in the face, you are far too close to your sex source. Someone needs to remind Stone that XXX is all about the overall image, not just choice bits blown up to the size of oil tankers. For the most part, however, Hook-Ups is a fine bit of fucking, a title with a lot of turn-on value. All the ladies are lookers, with some far more fetching than others, and for the gals (as well as certain gentile-men) all the men are marbled and meaty. It's just too bad that the consistency of the canoodling couldn't be maintained in this set. For half of its running time, Hook-Ups #6 is some snappy organ music.
On the technical end of this production, Wicked and Stone really step up and deliver. While not necessarily reference quality, the 1.33:1 full screen image is amazingly detailed and colorful. Sometimes too dark (especially with some gal's monkey up in your face) but almost always artistic and expressive, this is a very nice looking transfer. The fleshtones are fine and the contrasts call up some substantial detail. Relying on his all-outdoor setting to provide the lighting and the backdrop, Stone does a good job of balancing the basics of his camcorder creation. Hook-Ups #6 is a great looking hardcore title.
On the sound side, Stone obviously prefers heavy metal and thrash to the techno bump and grind of most modern adult DVDs. Hook-Ups #6 is therefore filled with all manner of power chord cacophony to suggest more menace and drive than actually exists in the scenes. The Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround is very atmospheric, giving us the sensation of the wicked wilderness while keeping the other aural elements in check. Certainly the front channels experience the vast majority of the audible action, but you'll be pleasantly surprised at how immersive this feature feels. Like the visual elements, Hook-Ups #6 is a fine decibel delight.
Wicked seems caught in a limbo of limited ideas when it comes to expanding their DVD product. With the tired temptations of phone sex ads, trailers, photo galleries, and web-based bullshit that requires the installation of some questionable software onto your computer, there is not much here to warrant added value attention. Sure, Wicked wants to give us some insight into the biz by providing a look at the Promo reels from the Adult Industry convention showcase, but who wants to see something from 6 years ago that is really nothing more than an advertisement/infomercial (there are four such features here, covering 1998, 1999, 2000 and 2004).
Thankfully, we do get a bonus scene and it's a good one. Taken from the previous installment in this series, we witness:
Bonus Scene: Felix Vicious, Chris Cannon
From: Hooked-Up #5
Felix is festooned in a fancy, frilly item and she gives us the same old cock and bull about balling Chris that we've heard throughout this title. As she vamps a little more, Mr. Cannon walks in and the naughtiness begins. Moving through the impish motions, Chris sucks on Ms. Vicious's tits, toes, legs and loins before putting on the poon with a fingerful trip to Connie the Linguist. After some tongue fucking, and a little tool tasting, the fuck facets are reveled in. The couple completes cowgirl, mish and doggy before Mr. Cannon hammers his hog and acquaints Felix with a face-full of funny foam. She laps up the sausage sap with glee, and even provides some oral clean up to complete the deed. Far better than the last three scenes in #6, this helping of hump from the previous presentation matches the initial trio of trouting as Chris and Felix really stack on the steam. This is tantalizing XXX and makes for a nice addition to this otherwise stale DVD offering. Score: 7 out of 10.
When a regular moviemaker creates a film, he or she usually shoots "coverage"; footage they can use to cut to in case a scene goes wrong or a performance fizzles and fails. Porn directors should, perhaps, apply the same situation to their clip compilations. Instead of making only six sex sequences and offering them all, good, bad or ugly, it would make more sense to film eight or nine different diddlings, picking and choosing the ones that best represent the boffing. Hook-Ups #6 is a fraction of a fine fuck fest, and while hampered by about half, this is still a recommended respite into the randy. On the Disco Dirge Peter Meter, this DVD gets a 6.5 out of 10. Couples will also find this compendium to be completely complimentary with their mutual arousal arrangement. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded. Chemistry is indeed crucial to successful sharking. Without a palpable passion between the players, or a feeling that they would want to fuck each other off camera, a hardcore feature will just flop over and sputter. Hook-Ups #6 gets most of its carnal components right, with the result being a fiery, frisky bit of fluffing. But when it goes wrong, not even science can save its slack attack.