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Camel Toe Perversions #2


Studio: Smash Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/8/04



XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Cameltoe Perversions 2

Smash Pictures

Genre: Vignette

Director: Dick Quinn

Cast: Lauren Phoenix, Rick Masters, Nikki Loren, Brandon Iron, Avena Lee, Steve Taylor, Marie Luv, Jezebelle Bond, Jezebelle Bond, Sascha, Crystal Ray, Dave Hardman (bonus scene only)

Length: 108.5 minutes

Dates of Production: 8/4/2004, 8/5/2004, 8/10/2004, 8/16/2004, 8/18/2004

Extra's: The best extra for many fans will be the bonus scene between Crystal Ray and Dave Hardman described below. The duo did all the usual tricks but if you already have the movie Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, you've seen it. I liked the 20 minute long Behind the Scenes feature more since it was recorded solely for this DVD and had the cast goofing off in various situations (it also showed some sex footage for those who care). The extras were rounded out with the usual photogallery and trailers but only the first two mentioned added any significant value for me.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The picture was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color, as most such movies are released these days. Unlike Cameltoe Perversions 1, the picture was somewhat worse this time with a lot of grain and video noise resulting from poor lighting and what looked to be weak DVD mastering. There were a fair amount of compression artifacts (I tried this one on three players, including my computer just to make sure it wasn't a fluke; even going so far as to clean the DVD between viewings) but most of the problem looked to be the result of issues deriving from the original shootings of the scenes. I didn't care much about the lens flare issues or angles (admittedly another weak aspect of the movie) but the overall impression I got from it was the movie was knocked out in record time on a low budget. The audio was presented in Smash Picture's usual MPEG format instead of Dolby Digital and instead of being too low this time, the audio was distortedly loud. The result of this was that even turning down the volume didn't keep the vocals and background noise from sounding lame and distorted (as though the speakers were far beyond their means to handle it). I hope they find someone better at audio for the next volume (maybe that guy will have a friend to handle the photography too).

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Body of Review: Smash Pictures is one of those companies that many people haven't heard of but tend to never forget it once they see a release. This is not due to large budgets, since the company looks like every freaking dime is accounted for, and it's not because they use the best recognized talent in porn; no, the company is known for providing something a wee bit different in terms of sexual energy and when they get something right, it tends to be very right indeed. Their last hit was a small release called Cameltoe Perversions 1 and I was happy as a clam to get their latest volume in the series, Cameltoe Perversions 2 as a follow up to the action. Unfortunately, the second volume suffered from sophomore slump and had many technical issues marring its value as a stroke flick. For those of you who don't know what a cameltoe is; it's the bulge of a woman's crotch when her panties creep up into the fold of her pussy. Here's a look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that the direction appeared weaker this time as did the scenes (for the most part):

Scene One: Lauren, started off the action with a collage of bits from the scene and soon came to tease the camera a bit as she talked about cameltoe car washes (sadly, while she did so, the camera was showing the street; what a genius move that was…). In any case, Rick bought a cameltoe bike wash for his motorcycle and she obliged him as she rubbed it down and got all soapy wet in the process. Her powerful legs and sweet (though big) ass weren't at their best here as she needed to tone up but I still thought she was a hotty. They each did oral on one another after that, with a modicum of energy, before moving onto the screwing vaginally and anally with the taste testing as usual. The dirty talk was hot and the overall scene wasn't bad but it did lack chemistry and some of her usual passion; making it solid for fans but average for others. It ended with her jerking him off to her mouth but her attention was on the camera and not her partner with her avoiding the swallowing fans want to see.

Scene Two: Nikki, a curvy brunette with a cute smile, was up next after Brandon gave what amounted to a very weak imitation of Steve Irwin's Crocodile Hunter (calling himself "Cameltoe Hunter"). I was hopeful that they'd keep the action outside but the sun seemed too bright for the camera setting used and it actually looked better indoors (not usually the case in porn). He gave her a bit of oral but she gave him a lot better and the couple was soon screwing like old friends inside. I liked her ass and legs too although they were also in need of some time at the gym and fans wanting their performers lean will not be as forgiving as I have been (she's still cute though), even as she proved her skill level as exceptionally warm. Fans may be disappointed to learn that while she did PTM (pussy to mouth) she avoided anal altogether, making the scene weaker than it could've been. It ended with a moderate pop shot to her nose (maybe this is the new "thing"?!?) and her toying with him to close.

Scene Three: Avena, an Asian gal with a dirty mouth and pretty face, was up next with golfer Steve in a short called "hole in one". He putted golf balls towards her awaiting pussy and ass; a decidedly narrow market niche from what I gathered. I suppose this scene will appeal to her fans but the oral, straight and pop shot to the face were all as generic as I've seen in a long time. The positive aspect of the scene was that the playfulness at the beginning didn't really hurt the action, just took up time that could've been put to better use. She took directions well and if you like overly directed women in porn, this may also offer you something extra to enjoy. As for me, I'll pass since there wasn't a lot to really get into here unless you're a butt kissing fan (i.e.: kissing her butt over this weak scene).

Scene Four: Marie, the only black gal to make the cut, started off her scene with Rick after telling the camera how much she loved her cameltoe. The up side to her scene is that she didn't have a lot of extra baby fat like the others but the down side was her worn looking pussy and less than appealing face. I like sisters as much as any guy on Earth but like far too many of them in porn; she wasn't all that hot (heck, we're paying a lot of money to see hot looking gals have sex, it shouldn't be too much to ask to see attractive women, yes?). The sex itself wasn't as weak as the previous scene but there was no chemistry between them and her energy levels were not as good as the first two scenes so your mileage may vary more than mine did. It ended in a facial after the usual oral and straight sex but there wasn't anything special for me here to enjoy.

Scene Five: Jezebelle, a leaner than average brunette with a slightly harsh face and too many tattoos, kind of skipped showing much cameltoe action since her panties were too far inside her. She graced the front DVD cover (well, her crotch did anyways) and had the weakest tease footage of the movie before Sascha joined her on a couch. He fingered her to get her even wetter than she did on her own and the two did some PTM (off his fingers) before she gave him a sloppy but energetic blowjob. The two then engaged in various positions for some vaginal action before the facial that she also didn't swallow. While her look didn't really appeal to me here, I did believe she enjoyed the sex somewhat and the resulting heat was pretty good compared to most of the other scenes here (though that doesn't say much).

Bonus Scene: Crystal, wearing a shiny gold two piece outfit, and Dave, had a scene from Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, a Skeeter Kerkove movie before his work at Metro. The running time was about 24.5 minutes and fans of Crystal's will appreciate the scene a lot as she took a vibrating inflatable ass plug to ready herself for Dave's entry but the overall scene, while somewhat flawed at times for technical reasons, had everything Skeeter's other scene have to offer. There was a lot of anal and ATM with all the trimmings.

Summary: Cameltoe Perversions 2 was not nearly as good as the first volume for many reasons, chief among them the performers but also due to the technical issues involved. I wanted to like it so much but felt let down when actually viewing it that I tried to figure out what went wrong. For the most part, it looked like sloppy direction (with all the attendant issues that brought into the equation) and performers that appeared rushed in their scenes. Smash Pictures has made a lot of good porn over the last year or so but this wasn't even close to being it so I rated the movie a Skip It for anyone except huge fans of Lauren.

Note: You can see recent candid shots of several of these performers by visiting: My Photo's and read about their antics at 2004 AEE Show.


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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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