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Welcome to the Valley 3

Studio: Nectar Entertainment » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/28/04

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Welcome To The Valley 3

Nectar Entertainment

Genre: Comedy

Director: Johnny Diablo

Cast: Nautica Thorn, Sarah Blake, Jayna Oso, Sharon Wild, Anthony Hardwood, Lexi Marie, Sativa Rose, Billy Tyler
Non-sex role by Dick Smothers Jr.

Length: 86 minutes

Date of Production: 10/1/2004

Extra's: My favorite extra was the 9 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. It was cute in many ways and seemed almost like the bloopers reel at times but other than wishing it lasted longer, I thought it was pretty solid, even if it focused mostly on Nautica initially. I also enjoyed the 7 minute blooper reel, although seeing the same comedy bits repeated over and over (and over again) got a bit old at times. One of the parts that was howlingly funny was the fart action in Sativa's scene. There was also a set of trailers and a photogallery but the other two extras were far better.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Welcome to the Valley 3 was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color that it was shot in by director Johnny Diablo. I thought the lighting was pretty solid in most cases and the level of grain minimal but someone needs to tell Johnny that too many close-ups weaken most sex scenes (I've done some video work myself and it's very easy to be heavy-handed with the zoom when dealing with hot young gals). There were a few compression artifacts and some minor video noise but overall, the minimalist settings made the shoot fairly easy to handle for the newcomer director. The colors and fleshtones were accurate too so fans of the cast won't be upset at the way they were made to look. The audio was presented in the usual stereo English but, as is almost always the case, the dynamic range was limited and the separation between the channels weak. The music took precedence over the vocals in most scenes (at least part of the time) and that was a pain but otherwise it was pretty decent in terms of audio.

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Body of Review: Comedy in porn is something that a lot of fans simply don't get; usually because they want to see hot young gals doing all sorts of things that they'll (the fans that is) never get to do outside a brothel for a whole lot of money. I see such attempts at comedy as a mixed bag but having enjoyed Jack's Playground, I'm game for anything these days. This brings me to the latest comedy release by a small company known as Nectar Entertainment, Welcome To The Valley 3. I've had some bad luck with the company and having read reviews for Volume 1 and Volume 2 by some of the more talented review staff; I began to think up ways to dodge this one as something beneath my time. Thankfully, I plowed ahead and watched it since there was a lot to enjoy in the movie. Maybe it took this long to get the mix of comedy and sex right or maybe their tastes were different than mine (a perfectly acceptable and understandable situation) but the cast was attractive, the sex fun to watch, and the overall premise sound. Dick Smothers Jr. plays the CEO of a porn company (modeled after Nectar's own boss, the astute Sean Logan) and the show is a slice of life in the day of his company as the various employees do everything we'd like to believe goes on at a porn company (though I'm told they are run like regular businesses more often than not). In any case, I'm not familiar with the series being run on TV as the package art claimed but with a bit less sex, I could see it becoming a fan favorite on cable (it was a whole lot better than anything I used to watch on the Playboy channel). Here's a quick look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that there was far more to like than I anticipated, with some serious replay value too:

Scene One: Nautica and lovely covergal Sarah enjoyed the first scene in a lesbian tryst on the office desktop. They licked, rubbed and used toys to get one another off and while this was far from the best lesbian outing I've watch in recent years, I can't deny that I watched it more than once for the sheer fun factor alone. The pace set by the gals was slower than average and it appeared that they each got off at least once but the fact that they took their time to appreciate one another was a nice change of pace. My only problem with the action was that the gals looked into the camera too much (and I know some of you like that type of thing).

Scene Two: Jayna, a very lean Asian gal that has made a lot of fans happy in the comforts of their homes over the last year or so, was up next in a solo scene on a couch. She played with a metallic vibrator and licked it clean more than a few times as she displayed her ample assets for the camera. I would've preferred hearing more of her vocals (the music eventually died down) but her all natural body has rarely looked better and the light sheen of sweat that covered her made her all the more desirable. Masturbation scenes in porn have been very rare until Jack's Playground or in specialty movies so I took the chance to appreciate her without the usual parolees plugging away at her tender holes.

Scene Three: Sharon, the lean blonde from Europe, was up next in a scene with muscular cable repairman Anthony. They did the oral and vaginal routine on a comfy couch but while I think they looked good together, they lacked the kind of passion I like to see in my porn. Mechanical screwing is all well and good but with so many other releases on the shelves, this scene stood out like a sore thumb. Fans of anal will appreciate that she took him in her backdoor but the camera angles for the show weakened that aspect too (using too many close-ups from weird angles).

Scene Four: Lexi, a tiny gal with large enhancements on her chest, was up next as she teased the camera on a walking trail outdoors. Okay, another solo scene to appreciate, I thought. I was less enthused about this one since it looked like she was going through the motions, probably being micromanaged through it all by the way she looked off camera several times. I didn't mind the roast beef pussy lips or implants so much but the lack of heat is something I just can't forgive when it comes to sparing fans from buying movies with their hard earned cash. Admittedly, I'd have helped her lick her vibrator clean (if not allowed to go straight to the tap) but she didn't do it for me here.

Scene Five: Sativa, one of the most blazingly hot brunettes in porn these days, had the final scene with lucky Billy (who would've preferred Betsy the Goat but that was denied) in the office. This gal knows her way around a man's penis and her enthusiastic approach quickly restored my faith in the DVD since it started out so strong only to slump a bit too much as it progressed. The oral might've been solid but it was the screwing that really tripped my trigger as she gave her all to entertain not only Billy but her adoring fans too. It ended with a pop shot to her mouth and I'm glad the fart was edited out of the final scene. Whew!

Summary: Welcome to the Valley 3 is unlikely to become the next big thing in porn but I had to admit that the combination of comedy and porn worked fairly well here. I think a cable television presentation would need more comedy than sex to work properly but the DVD was fun to watch and entertaining (even to a jaded old porn hound like me). With a few minor adjustments, I could see this one working out even better although I wish Mr. Smothers had been given more to do this time since he seems to have a bit of the old family talent (I've never believed comedy was a genetic trait and still have my doubts though). I'm going to rate this one as Recommended for those who enjoy something a bit lighter than usual since it had an attractive cast of cuties having some fun but if you prefer circus act sex or some other niche fetish, you'll probably want to look elsewhere.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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