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Anal Mermaids

Studio: Private » Review by Saul Good » Review Date: 1/7/05

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Genre: Straight/Anal

Director: Kovi

Cast: Barbara Voice, Dorina, Maya Gold, Judy, Mercedes, Monika, Sintia Stone, Victoria Swinger

Length: 1hr 45 min

Production Date: Private, 2003

Extras: -=The Making Of..., A 10 minute featurette with BTS and narrated montage footage; views more like a long commercial=- -=Cast Index=- -=2 Photo Galleries=- -=Trailer=- -=Previews=- -=Production Notes=- -=Various Language and Subtitle Options, English, French, Dutch, Spanish, Italian=-

Audio/Video: The Audio of the film is presented in 2.0 with various language options (see listing under Extras). There is the faint noise of music in the background of the action, but it never becomes overpowering. And although there is little dialogue, most of it comming from voice overs in between scenes, the noises of the actors is easily heard. The Video is Full Frame Color and is the greatest problem of the disc. There is a 'blurring' effect that gives the movie a hazed quality. This is nothing more than annoying because it disrupts the scenes.

Body of Review: Mermaids are not just stories from fairy tales and myths. In fact they live everywhere around us today. Modern day mermaids aren't confined to the ocean, but actually venture out onto land to satisfy their terrific craving for anal sex. Director Kovi's latest film shows just how horny these sutlans of the sea can be when they sprout their legs and search dry land for raging hard ons.

Scene 1: Victoria Swinger
Acts Included: Oral, Vaginal, Anal, DP, Facial
Positions: Doggy, Missionary, Cowgirl,
Condoms: No
If there is a story here, I'm not quite sure I've got all the details. Nonetheless, there are two guys who seem to be a bit suspicious about one fine looking dame. Barbara Voice, a dirty-blonde woman with heavy eyeliner, gets thoroughly inspected by two men. I imagine they think she is a mermaid and are looking for some sort of clue, which they find in what appears to be a postage stamp affixed to her ass. This leads to Barbara searching for an escape and sucking them off seems to be her best option. Barbara is a striking woman, her body is perfect and natural in all areas and she puts it to good use slobbing and knobbing the guys with a great deal of excitement. The action is good here and it's mixed with various positions and acts, unfortunately there is a glowing haze in the film that gives the scene a dreamlike quality. This is, if anything, annoying because it does not offer a clear image. This is too bad too because it is an insult to how pretty this actress is. I would have like to see her more fully and would have therefore enjoyed the scene more.

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Scene 2: Mercedes
Acts Included: Oral, Vaginal, Titfucking, Cumshot
Positions: Doggy, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl
Condoms: No
The mermaid of scene 2 is a thin woman with long legs and short, dark hair (featured on the cover). She has a much stronger European look than the one before her, and dressed in black panties and laced in a matching corset she too is pretty hot. She couples with a well built blonde guy and the two exchange mutual masturbation and oral. The brunette then gets on her knees and endures a doggystyle workout. After a good deal of vaginal spooning she climbs into reverse cowgirl before slipping into anal. The action throughout is only fair at best. And although the acts are a bit long and typical, they are clean. Unfortunately there is more of that filtering effect which muddles the image and has secured itself as a permanent aspect of the film. The guy gives the woman's breasts a quick fuck before jizzing all over them.

Scene 3: Victoria Swinger and Dorina
Acts Included: Oral, Vaginal, Foot Play
Two curly haired blondes soap each other up in a bathtub using only their feet as a sponge. Foot fans get a treat when the two turn to foot licking and later clit-rubbing using their toes. Both women are nice looking, although, sadly, it is the less attractive one with the fake boobs that has the nicest feet. The other blonde is stunning but a crooked toe makes her actions a bit unsettling. The girls take turn munching on their carpetless pussies before whipping out a pink dong to play with. The hotter of the two grips it with her teeth and bobs her head to shove it inside the other girl. Although this is your usual licking lesbians the video is much clearer here. Still riddled with a 'celestial' effect, the image is a little cloudy, but for the most part viewable.

Scene 4: Judy and Sintia Stone
Acts Included: Oral, Vaginal, Anal
Positions: Standing, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, Spoon
Condoms: No
Modern day mermaids apparently like to disco. At least that's where scene 4 leaves us, in a disco club with two lovely women strutting their bellbottoms around some lucky fella. Blowjobs and footjobs begin the scene and immediately things look better. The video is much clearer and the foggy effect is hardly noticeable. When the boning gets underway there is no leads into the acts. After a quick standing screw the couple is on the floor in an anal reverse cowgirl. As one gal gets the goods the other stands by idly rubing her coochie and occasionally lending a hand. But otherwise the threesome pretty much remains a twosome. The action is straightforward drilling, whether it be vaginal or anal, and so there is little of the unique involved. On gal tugs the dude until he spurts in her mouth, thereby ending what might have been the strongest scene of the flick. Had there been more interaction as a group and some sort of originality in the direction, this would have been a good act. Unfortunately, it sinks into the typical.

Scene 5: Mercedes
Acts Included: Oral, Vaginal, Anal, Facial
Positions: Missionary, Doggy, Standing
Condoms: No
Mercedes is practicing her ballet when she is interrupted by yet another blonde man. He immediately tempts her and she falls on her knees, where, conveniently, she sucks his dick. A pretty, petite brunette, Mercedes does a sexy job of pleasing him orally and keeping her tutu on is a strange, added bonus. She proves to be equally skilled in the fucking department as she bends her tiny frame over and takes it in standing dog. I enjoyed watching her in this scene, as she has a model's physique and her tiny tits move around in small, rhythmic circles. She also seemed to be into the action herself, smiling and moaning a good deal. A strong scene despite lagging at times and the unfortunate return of the hazing effects.

Scene 6: Maya Gold
Acts Included: Oral, Vaginal, Anal, Facial
Positions: Standing, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl
Condoms: No
The final scene of this below average film has a thuggish looking fella (Zenza Raggi?) coupled with the rather beautiful Maya Gold. Things begin in the usual way; the woman succumbs to his amazing charm and sucks his dick. Maya is very stunning, but at this point in the film I'm too dissinterested. The frustratingly cumbersome video effects are tiring and the sex sequences are nothing beyond the industries standards. When the couple slips into anal, it's done without notice, but then I didn't really care. Some good action here, better shot and more clearly presented, but way too late.

Concluding Words: So far I've come to Love, or hate Kovi's films. And it's too bad that Anal Mermaids falls strongly on the hate side. Some of the shots are kinda cool (Although they look like nothing more than underwater shots done in a pool with some blue lighting and strips of tin-foil, they produce some interresting images between scenes.) and at first I was sold on the idea of a mermaid porn. Even the Menu pages are pretty nifty. But, there are no screwing fishwomen here, only a meshing of the usual porn fare and some bad effects. The filtered video was too much for me (take a look at my Sex Ambassador review for more on this). But I could see how it might work for some Couples looking for a little softness in a XXX feature. The filtering effect might work to the advantage of those viewers that do not like the clear cut, in your face aspect of many adult films. Here there is a blurring around the edges which, despite the penetration and such, seems to drop the film from a XXX to maybe just an XX. For this reason, some couples might enjoy it, but for others the unclear images will simple annoy. All others Rent It.


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