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F to the A #2

Studio: Vertigo Inc. » Review by Chris Knight » Review Date: 1/17/05

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Martin Del Toro
Approx. 1:50
CAST: Ashley Haze, Audry Hollander, Sharon Wild, Julie Knight, Ariana Jolie
PRODUCTION DATE: August 16, 2004

The Main Event
This is the first time I've checked out a disc from recently started Vertigo Video, which is always an exciting moment. This could be the next big thing or it could be absolute crap. Plus, there's the opportunity to perhaps find a new favorite girl from the undiscovered horde. Unfortunately, Vertigo and myself got off to a bad start. I pop it into my main DVD player, and can't find the menu, no matter how much I worked my remote. Try it on a couple of other boxes and finally I found the menu. But even there I had problems. I'll go into that later...for now, let's look at the girls. Each scene opens with a "glamour" solo intro, followed by the hard fucking.

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Ashley's a very aggressive redhead with medium-sized tits and a mouth that doesn't shut up unless it's stuffed with cock. She actually says, at one point, "Oh yeah, that's good cock." Thankfully, she gets a mouthful happens right away, as her clown-haired fuck buddy forces his dick down her throat, nearly making her gag. Once prepared, he hits the backdoor first, then the front, switching back and forth. An underneath shot gives a good view of her ass gaped, as well as a nice sore on his cock. If he called her whore one more time, I think he could have won some sort of Degradation Prize. Why all the anger, Clowny? Is it the bad hairstyle? Or perhaps your awful tattoos? Either way, you're annoying. The scene ends with an internal anal pop, that Ashley procedes to spread all over her pussy. Pretty. (21 min)
[Ashley Haze | Masturbation, Oral (M), Anal, Vaginal, ATPTA, ATM, Anal Cream Pie | Doggie, Reverse Doggie, Reverse Cowgirl, Piledriver | Condoms: No | ]

Oh joy! Another forced, gag-inducing blowjob! No one does that anymore! Bleh. Audrey's friend Clowny is back, and he attempts to stab his member through the back of her skull, using handfuls of hair and fingers in her mouth. The whole scene makes me want to vomit. It's truly disgusting. Once he's done skull-fucking her, he flips her over and plows this redhead's ass violently. Why he doesn't just murder her and get it over with, I don't know. How does this guy get so much pussy (or ass)? I treat girls nice, and they don't even so much as look at me. Clowny spits on them and calls them sluts and gets to bang them? The world is a messed up place, as is Audrey's face after she takes a pop on it. (21 min)
[Audrey Hollander | Oral (M), Anal, ATPTA, ATM, Facial | Piledriver, Doggie, Missionary | Condoms: No | ]

Ariana's simply annoying as hell. She's too dirty for her own good, telling the camera how much she likes to lick ass, following it up with one of those ridiculous duck-sound BJs that have become such a joke on Howard Stern's show. At least Clowny's nowhere in sight. She wasn't kidding about the ass licking, which she demonstrates on a lucky stud, tonguing his a-hole while stroking his cock. He returns the favor, in what is the first pleasurable act performed on a woman so far on this DVD. A straightforward sex scene, this one has some solid fucking going on, but again shows the low-budget roots, as the guy has a bandage on his ass. Lovely. This one has a pair of pops, one on Ariana's face and one in her ass, which she forces out and licks up. 23 min
[Ariana Jolie | Oral (M), Rimming (M/F), Teabagging, Anal, Facial, Anal Cream Pie | Missionary, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Spoons, Doggie | Condoms: No | ]

Julie's scene starts off pretty standard, with lots of ass play, a forced blowjob and some anal, but you can't possibly know where it's headed. After pounding away at her for a while, a black baseball bat, autographed by Ken Griffey, Jr., is introduced, fat end first, into her ass. Wow. That's both impressive and disturbing. After taking batting practice in her ass, he goes back in for some more ass fucking, but after Junior's been in your ass, does anything else matter? It's like throwing a hot dog down a well. This scene won Julie an AVN nomination for Most Outrageous Sex Scene. Outrageous is being polite. 19 min
[Julie Knight | Anal Fingering, Oral (M), Anal, Toy Play, ATM | Doggie, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Piledriver | Condoms: No | ]

In a stark white room, blonde Sharon gets facefucked and assfucked, neither gently. She also gets plenty of spit in her wide-open rectum. Aside from the saliva, it's a pretty standard anal scene, with lots of hardcore sex. Sharon's got a pretty big hair patch down there, though well trimmed, which is nice to see, but the focus is definitely not on her pussy. Though by no means boring, there's nothing all that spectacular about this scene, with the exception of the money shot, where Sharon spits out the cum she's ingested into her hand, and then snorts it into her nose. This one was nominated for Best Anal Scene, but I don't see why.
[Sharon Wild | Oral (M), Anal, ATM, Facial | Doggie , Missionary, Piledriver, Reverse Piledriver. Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl | Condoms: No | ]


The clarity of the video is quite good, but the lighting is bad, as there's plenty of washed-out flesh. Thankfully, none of the action is missed though. Occasionally, the brightness dips or raises, which can be distracting too. The audio isn't bad, though it sounds like it was recorded in a cavern during the solo scenes. There's not really much music during the sex, and the moans, groans and squishes are clearly heard.


The bonus features are a bit slim on this title, with a full-frame, 13-still photo gallery, a bonus scene featuring Otto and Audrey, and trailers for some of Vertigo's other titles. At least, I think there's a bonus scene. I mean, it's listed on the menu and a title screen comes up, but after that... crash. Nothing. The disc went 4-for-4 on my machines, killing each one after the title screen. Bad mastering is no way to make a good impression.

Concluding Words

A badly mastered DVD is the enemy of strokers everywhere. There's nothing worse than getting ready to watch a flick and have to get up and figure out what's wrong with your machine. The actual movie isn't too bad, but the effort needed to actually watch it drops this one dramatically. There are easier ways to get your rocks off than this, and less violent as well. Of course, Julie's big-league encounter might be interesting for curiosity's sake. I can only recommend a rental at best.

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