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Stocking Secrets 8

Studio: Smash Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 1/31/05

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Stocking Secrets 8

Smash Pictures

Genre: Tease

Director: Kira Eggers

Cast: Lonnie, Isabella Camille, Brittney Skye & Barrett Blade (in the bonus scene only)

Length: 56.5 minutes

Date of Production: 7/7/2004 (box), 7/5/2004 (credits)

Extra's: My favorite extra was a bonus scene from Test Drive, featuring Brittney Skye and Barrett Blade. It was far from their best work and since it wasn't made exclusively for this DVD I'm not giving lots of bonus points for it but it wasn't a bad scene (it was far better than the non-sex footage of the feature itself). There were also some trailers, a photogallery and the usual links.

Condoms: None

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Audio/Video Quality: Stocking Secrets 8 was presented in a non-anamorphic widescreen aspect ratio of about 1.85:1 in color. It was competently done with accurate colors and only a bit of grain and video noise but the camera appeared to display a need to continually move throughout the show; shakily at that. Like Volume 7, it was better than Volume 3 but not by that much. The audio was presented in a somewhat distorted stereo without the benefit of the listed Dolby Digital. I didn't notice any separation between the channels or much dynamic range and the audio seemed to be pumped up to the point where it was distorted (I'm sure some of you also listen to the movies you buy, even if many reviewers don't). I'm sure that a bit more money might yield tremendous results in this area of future volumes but since only fans seem to listen to the audio track, I doubt Smash Pictures cares (I researched past volumes after my recent review to see if maybe I had a bad copy of the disk but few reviewers on other websites mention the poor audio or other problems…). In the case of this volume, the music of the bonus scene was on one channel and the vocals on the other but I'll give Smash Pictures credit for adding a time code and a few other minor fixes to the DVD mastering this time.

Body of Review: Porn is one of the great equalizers in my experience with rich and poor, young and old, enjoying some form of porn in their life. Most consumers seem to prefer a few genres of adult entertainment, be they features, gonzo, or fetish releases (to name a few) but that's one of the great things about porn; you can find anything you want to buy. If you like tease releases more than "real" porn, one series that may appeal to you in this regard would be the Stocking Secrets series released by Smash Pictures. The latest release is Stocking Secrets 8, a show designed around Lonnie and Isabella Camille. Each gal follows a set path of tease before masturbating with nothing else worth mentioning. Like Volume 7, there was not a lot going on and the tease you'd get from other releases at least leads somewhere, unlike this show. Here's a breakdown of the four "scenes" but unless your needs are very specific, this might not be the kind of porn you're in the market for:

Scene One: Lonnie, a blonde dressed like she was leaving her day job at the strip club to head home to the comforts of the trailer park, followed the standardized action and did an okay job before using a silver vibrator on herself to appear as though she got off. I never truly got the impression that she was getting off but at least she tried to fake it for the fan. I liked her fishnet stockings but they caused a lot of pattern noise on my television (and computer monitor when I cross checked it) and the scene would've been okay as part of a more comprehensive scene.

Scene Two: Isabella, a gal with darker hair and blonde highlights, was up next in lingerie that my mother would've felt comfortable in. Panty hose over actual panties is something that I doubt I'll see again in a porno but since this barely qualifies as such, I'm not going to rail about it long. I liked her all natural breasts compared to Lonnie's but her teeth needed work and whoever put on her makeup needs a punch in the nose (they must've used the type of paintbrush used to paint a house). She had more potential than the other gal and I hope to see more of her in the future but still; it wasn't what I was hoping for after seeing her on the front DVD cover.

Scene Three: Lonnie, looking a bit more like a gal trying to earn her keep, wore a tight white top (covering those implant scars nicely at first), white panties, and anklets for stockings. I liked how she poured water all over herself but this scene seemed even weaker than her first with little masturbation going on. While I applaud the departure from the formula, it wasn't a good departure by any means.

Scene Four: Isabella, wearing a white tank top with her black panties and fishnet stockings (a vast improvement by the way), also did less in scene two; leading me to think the wad was blown early on and they didn't want to attempt anything more advanced. Personally, I think it might've been better to have the light scene early on and the masturbation action second for the gals but what do I know since I'm just a consumer?

Summary: I think director Kira Eggers is a very attractive gal that has some talent as a director but she needs to find a better niche if she isn't going to address this one all that well. Maybe if the length were more in keeping with contemporary releases, more stocking action included, and perhaps even a scene where the gals do one another if not a man might be in order to rescue this series from the bottom of the heap. If you're looking for such a series though, it looks as good as I could expect from a company like Smash Pictures yet I've heard such good things about them (and seen a few personally) that I wonder why the weaker material gets promoted more than the best stuff. I'm going to rate this a Skip It unless you're fixated on low end porn that isn't even porn but maybe it'll get better next year.

For far greater choices in porn, check out: 2004's Top Porn List and 2003's Top Porn List.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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