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Welcome to the Valley 5

Studio: Nectar Entertainment » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 3/1/05

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Welcome To The Valley 5: Smokin' Hot Valley Girls

Nectar Entertainment

Genre: Comedy

Director: Johnny Diablo

Cast: Justine Joli, Sarah Blake, Mari Possa, Vanessa Lane, Nick Manning, Makayla Coxxx, Chris Cannon, Rio Mariah, Taylor Rain, Anthony Hardwood, Alex Roc
Non-sex roles by: Dick Smothers Jr., Billy Tyler

Length: 102 minutes

Date of Production: 12/28/2004

Extra's: The best extra of the bunch was 10.5 minutes of Behind the Scenes footage. The cast had a chance to show their silly side and there was a fair amount of nudity. The 3.5 minutes of bloopers were cute too but edited far too much to allow a chance to enjoy the action. The other extras included trailers and a photogallery; making the package still light on extras in my book.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Welcome To The Valley 5 was presented in the same 1.33:1 ratio it was shot in by director Johnny Diablo. I thought this volume looked the same as Volume 4 as there were no compression artifacts to be seen and the overall lighting levels were solid. There was a bit of grain at times and some of the scenes looked better than others but the fleshtones looked good and the composition of the shots appeared to have some more thought given to them (on average at least) so I was happy. The stereo English audio was about the same with the music given more space than the vocals but otherwise the audio was about average. On a down note, I had a few issues trying to get the DVD to play in my usual home player so the review is based on what I saw on my computer (a friend said the DVD played fine on his more recent player otherwise I'd fuss more about this fact.)

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Body of Review: Fans of comedy porn have never really had a lot of titles to pick from unless you consider the unintentionally funny material indicative of porn in general. Let's face it; if someone had a lot of comedic talent, they'd be on the comedy club circuit if not in mainstream movies or television (sorry Mr. Jeremy, that's the facts), but the comedy cheese offered up by a few companies has been able to transcend the genre from time to time. Lately, one of the best comedy series offered has been Digital Playground's Jack's Playground, a show about a guy trying to score women for his shows by posing as a music video director. In the same vein, some would say Nectar Entertainment's own version of that show, Welcome to the Valley 5 offers up a porn production company in something of a reality television series (advertised as being on TV although I have yet to see it air in Houston). WTTV is unique in that it is a comedic look at the company itself, with Dick Smothers Jr. playing company boss Sean Logan (reportedly, Mr. Logan is supposed to look far more masculine but I couldn't say for sure) as he treats company peon Billy Tyler like an unwanted, red headed stepchild. This volume was a bit lighter in humor than a few of the past attempts but it was a nice mix of sex and comedy so here's a look at the scenes if you're still interested:

Scene One: Sarah, a lean but attractive gal, dominated Justine, a skinny gal with neon red hair (on the left side of the front DVD cover), in the opening scene designed to get lesbian lovers off. I thought both enjoyed doing one another and it had plenty of tease footage for fans with licking, rubbing and dildo play being the operative forms of fun. I liked the scene although the energy levels were slightly lower than I've come to expect of them.

Scene Two: Mari, best known for her work with Seymore Butts, was the gal in the center of the front DVD cover. I've seen her numerous times and she looked different to me here as she diddled herself in a solo scene on a desk in an office. If you enjoy watching a gal shove a metallic vibrator (though it might have just been a dildo) in and out of her pussy while moaning; the scene will work for you. Her implant scars bugged me more than usual but she's a cutie so I can see why so many fans like watching her in most of her releases.

Scene Three: Vanessa, another brunette with a nice face and lean but curvy body, was up next in a scene with goofy Nick in a barnyard stall full of hay. I guess that gives new meaning to the term "making hay" but regardless, her oral skills were great as she attacked his penis like her life depended on it. I'd have enjoyed the scene if he shut up and let her do her job but that's part of the character he plays in the series (not far off from real life I'm told; a guy with an ego many times the size of his penis). I wasn't a fan of her implants either (especially as Nick went down on her) but it didn't bother me as much since I've never seen her without them. The screw itself seemed over the top in terms of how she yelled out (a little goes a long way folks!) but the facial was pretty good and I think she displayed a lot of potential.

Scene Four: Makayla, a curvy brunette playing a stripper in a strip club, was up next as she put on a show for Chris. I liked her moves enough that I'd go to see her if she came to town and fans of slightly heavier gals will find her body type appealing too (I prefer a few extra pounds over the anorexic look too many porn gals have any day). He went down on her and she gave some good oral in return although she wasn't the best fellatrix of the show. The screw was slightly mechanical in the pussy but she shined in the anal end of the scene (doing some ATM for fans of the extreme stuff too). I liked the scene.

Scene Five: Rio, a hot little Latina that has always proven her worth sexually for me, had the next scene by herself. I'm not as into masturbation scenes (other than my own) with gals that've done it all before (I prefer they be used for the new gals in porn) but she was looking good all oiled up in the afternoon sun on the stone deck by the pool. I'll be the first to admit that her face is a bit harsh in the strong light of day but with curves accentuated by her short stature, I think most man would be unable to readily identify her face even if they've met her.

Scene Six: Taylor, one of the most recognized brunettes doing anal these days, took care of Anthony and Alec (acting like dumb porn jocks) in the final scene. I've always thought she came off as too flaky and skinny for my tastes but she has a lot of fans and a set of skills to match. She graced the right side of the front DVD cover with her all natural body and took care of the guys on and around a bed. Her oral was excellent as she alternated between her partners and while she didn't seem to fully enjoy them going down on her, she took them on easily in her pussy and ass. The DP proved once more than she can handle men in both holes at once, even appearing to get off, and the scene, on technical merits alone, seemed to be the best of the batch.

Summary: Welcome to the Valley 5 wasn't the strongest volume in the series in terms of sexual heat, comedy, or a number of other aspects of production but I still liked it enough to rate it as a very solid Rent It (fans of the cast will want to get it though). The variety of sexual activity was better than ever and my biggest suggestion would've been to increase the amount of material on the DVD, either providing a longer feature or better extras since that was the biggest sticking point for me other than the fact that a few scenes didn't have enough chemistry or heat. I like the format and think it has a lot of potential but as yet, some of the potential is untapped, if in plain view of this reviewer.

For other choices in porn, check out: 2004's Top Porn List and 2003's Top Porn List.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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