It's no secret (well, not anymore at least) – I dig women with big, colorful tattoos. Something about a lovely lady with a lil' bit of ink on her skin gets me going and thinking rude and lurid thoughts. So when Private released a new 'best of' compilation entitled Tattoo'd Ladies I figured 'damn, this porn is tailor made just for me!' But was it really? Read on to find out, you lazy bastard.
Chapter 1 – Liza: Liza picks up some lucky schmoe and takes him back to her place. The cheesy narration explains how everyone needs a release from time to time and then they get down to fucking. He eats her meat and then she blows him. He bangs her doggy style, then missionary, they cowgirl style. He decides to use the back door and it's up, up and away into her ass for a little while, after which she sucks him to a finish. Lisa has a small tattoo about the size of an apple on her ass cheek, and another one coming around her belly – she's not seriously covered, but they're there and they're noticeable.
Chapter 2 – Belladonna: I like Belladonna. She's a personal favorite of mine and I can watch her scenes over and over again and not get tired of them. More cheesy narration starts this scene off (originally from Faust) as Bella and a blonde I didn't recognize fuck a lucky dude on top of a sacrificial alter of sorts. Bella starts him off with a blowjob, then rides him cowgirl style when a second guy shows up and eats her pussy once she hops off. Dude #2 slams into her from the side for a while, then it's time for double penetration, which leads up to the finish as they both pull out and pull off. Belladonna is well known for her very colorful shoulder tattoo, but sadly we don't really get a very good look at it in this scene as it wasn't originally shot to emphasize the ink.
Chapter 3 – Wanda Curtis: Again, with the goofy voice over! Wanda takes a man back to her place and hops into bed with him. He eats her out, and then she sucks him off, which of course leads to sex. He bangs her sideways, then doggy style, then cowgirl. He pulls out, she sucks him off and takes one in the face. The only tattoo she has is a tiny one on her arm that's barely worth mentioning.
Chapter 4 – Cassandra Wild: By this point, the bad narration has gotten really damned annoying. Once it stops though, Cassandra plays a real estate agent who tries to close a deal by gang banging her four customers in the condo she's showing them. The four guys get her naked and take turns on her. She sucks each one of them off, while the finger bang her and eventually she takes a DP. When they're all done groping each other they shoot all over her. The long black stockings are a nice touch. She's got a reasonably big barbed wire tattoo on her arm that looks like the one Pamela Anderson had in Barbed Wire (which is neither interesting or original).
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Chapter 5 – Sandra Iron: Make the narration stop, please! For God's sake, make it stop! Sandra's with some dude on a beach. Normally you'd be able to hear what they're saying but no one bothered to mic the shoot for a windy location so you can't actually hear anything at all except the 'bbbbbbb' noise that the wind makes when it hits the microphone. At any rate, the play kissy face for a few minutes before hot rod Harry gets his dick sucked. He bangs her doggy style, then sideways and we get a good look at her piercings, which is always nice. After she rides him anally for a few minutes, she finishes him in her mouth. Sandra's got a nice tattoo over her snatch, a second one on her shoulder, and another decent sized one on the small of her back.
Chapter 6 – Nicky Bellucci: This narration is so fucking annoying it hurts. At any rate, it doesn't last too long so you can just fast forward the first few seconds of each scene and get to the good parts. Nicky is in a warehouse where she strips for a guy who may or may not supposed to be federal agent or something. He eats her out, she sucks him off. He slams her sideways, then doggy style, and then he rams it up her poop shoot. After her ass reaming, she finishes him off with her mouth. Nicky is a truly gorgeous girl who's hot regardless of whether or not her moans and groans are dubbed (and in this scene, they are) who has a medium sized piece on her bicep that you probably won't really notice unless you're looking for it.
Chapter 7 – Chrystal: Hey wow, no narration in this scene. Hot damn, holy shit. In a horribly over-lit scene, some grease ball feels Chrystal's fun spots in front of his three amigos. At this point, she's gang banged by all four dudes, sucking off each one of them while the other three finger her and fuck her in her cunt and her ass. It's typical gang bang material, there's a DP scene towards the end, and once everyone has finished up, they all shoot on her. She's got a small tattoo on her ankle and one on her upper arm, neither of which are very big or interesting.
Chapter 8 – Vivienne: Dammit, the stupid narrator is back with this scene. Ah well, what can you do? Vivienne is smoking hot. She masturbates for a minute or two to the sounds of some generic techno music before the hunk of the month shows up for a blowjob. She rides him cowgirl style then he pounds her in the brown puckered starfish. Once he's done pumping her rump, he shoots in her face. She's got a bad unicorn tattoo over her left breast that made me snicker once I realized what it was. A unicorn? Wow. She's keeping it real, for sure. Hotness abounds when she's on camera though, unicorn or not.
Chapter 9 – Claudia Ferrari: Another clip from Faust has a man in a silly K-Mart brand devil mask yapping away at Claudia Ferrari and another girl who looks eerily similar to her. They take of the horned one's pants and suck his evil dick. One girl fucks the evil overlord while the second one masturbates herself in front of a couple of snakes who just kind of sit there and look more confused than sinister. The girls decide to eat each other's pussies while ol' Scratch fucks'em doggy style and the in the ass like a true sodomite. Satan blows his wad into Claudia's mouth and she spits it onto the electrical tape clad titties of her lady friend. She's got a small barbed wire tattoo on her shoulder, which shouldn't really count.
Chapter 10 – Katyana: The narrator starts off the scene with another inane comment that made me want to punch my monitor and scream at my dog. Katyana gives a guy head while a second guy sits in a chair and enjoys a cigar and some whiskey. Can't blame a guy for wanting to finish his drink before it's threesome time, and that's exactly what he does. Once he's done though, he reams her doggy style while she sucks the first dude off some more. They switch orifices once or twice and then she takes a double penetration scene. They finish up and on her, the end. Katyana's got an inked snake on her leg, and a spider on her back as well as a piece on her arm.
While a couple of the scenes were pretty hot and the girls are all very pretty, sadly only three of them are really tattooed enough to qualify, the rest just have token pieces that they probably got a young age to be rebellious or something. Either way, there really should have been more tattooed ladies on a DVD called Tattoo'd Ladies, and however decided that the narration was a good idea should be fired.
A couple of the clips on the disc are a little bit dark but aside from that, the fullframe image (most of which was shot on video from the looks of things) is reasonably solid. There's some mild edge enhancement and the usual type of softness associated with smut that is shot on video, but overall everything is perfectly watchable without any serious problems hindering you from enjoying the show.
The Dolby Digital 2.0 mixes come in English, French, German, Spanish and Italian language options with subtitles available in Dutch, Danish, Swedish, Polish, Greek and Portuguese. Overall, the clarity of the English language track, the one I chose to watch the film in, is fine. There are some fluctuations in the levels depending on what clip you're watching but nothing too serious to really mess anything up much at all. It gets the job done well enough.
Extra features on Tattoo'd Ladies include a trailer for the feature, a cast listing, some notes on the film, a still gallery, and trailers for Millionaire, The Private Life Of Sandra Iron, Castings X 36, Private Penthouse Greatest Moments 1, XXX 16 and Ass Games. The menus are pretty slick on this release too.
The extras are nothing to write home about and the name and cover art are pretty misleading in that very few of the ladies on camera are as heavily inked as the images would lead you to believe. That being said, there are a couple of good scenes in this compilation and Tattoo'd Ladies is worth a rental.