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Where The Boys Aren't

Studio: Vivid » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/6/05

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Where The Boys Aren't 1

Vivid Entertainment

Genre: Lesbian

Director: Paul Thomas (under his alias "Judy Blue")

Cast: Barbara Dare, Tory/Tori Wells, Summer Rose, April West, Fallon
Non-sex roles by Paul Thomas and Joey Silvera

Length: 74 minutes

Date of Production: 1989

Extra's: There were none on this vintage DVD release.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Where The Boys Aren't 1 was presented in the same 1.33:1 ratio full frame color it was directed in by Paul Thomas for Vivid so many years ago. The colors weren't bad but the camera angles and shot compositions were often done as though by random with home equipment used to scam gals into doing a scene together (it looked rather unprofessional in so many ways). The sheer number of close up shots and poorly edited sequences made me wince all too often as these gals, all of whom were known to enjoy the company of women, were robbed of heat by technical incompetence. The DVD mastering seemed problematic at times too since I saw numerous compression artifacts and the age of the source material didn't help any either. The monaural soundtrack had droning music, as expected, and the vocals were handled in the same fashion all movies back then seemed to be; without a boom microphone. In short, the vocals were rarely heard at optimal levels and fans of dirty talk will have to suffer this one out.

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Body of Review: Vivid has long been an established leader in the porn world with their many releases over the last twenty or so years. One of their most popular series started back in 1989 when lesbian scenes were a must have in almost every straight movie, unlike the movies of today where lesbian action is almost considered a separate fetish. The title of the series was Where The Boys Aren't 1, introducing Tori Wells to the wonderful world of porn and offering up a number of scenes where the gals did one another. Compared to the last volume in the series I saw, Where The Boys Aren't 16, this one was a poor excuse for a movie but the major limitations weren't the times or the gals so much as the technically lame production of the scenes. If you can set those aside, the action showed some true chemistry between the gals in an age when lesbian sex was one of the more dominant types (meaning: they had a lot of fun together, even more than usual, in a time when this was the generic action). If you enjoy seeing lesbians go at it, this will probably be worth checking out for all the limitations and Vivid should be commended for releasing it so many years after it came out. Here's a look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that it's been along time since I saw most of these gals so a couple of cast identities might be a little off:

Scene One: Barbara Dare and Tory/Tori Wells, two of the best known performers from the 1980's, were up together having some lesbian action after rehearsing their script for a more conventional porno that the story has Joey Silvera directing. The gals were in fine form as they licked and sucked one another off. It wasn't up to modern standards in terms of length, variety of action and toys, or production values but I can appreciate the heat these two legends generated for the camera as they launched a series still being made today by Vivid.

Scene Two: Summer Rose, Barbara Dare, and Tori Wells, were up next on a large sectional couch as Paul and Joey tried to decide what they wanted from their imaginary movie. Most of the action this time was oral although the vibrator was kind of nice (like the last scene, only one toy was used) and they genuinely appeared to have fun together. I thought the introduction of Summer actually decreased the heat a bit since Barbara and Tori were perfectly matched, but the old adage "the more the merrier" is something many current pornos seem to subscribe to as well and it's tough to fault director Paul Thomas for his decision to try this approach.

Scene Three: April West and Fallon, were up next in a scene by an outdoor pool. Neither one of them would be tops on my list for looks, especially considering the other gals in the movie, but the action was top notch and I'm willing to bet they preferred doing women in real life too given the heated display of pleasure they put on for the camera. Rubbing baby oil on each other and jumping in the water made it even better although the technical aspects of the scene were pretty lame and it almost looked as if made for late night cable at times.

Scene Four: Summer Rose, Fallon, and Tori Wells, were up next. They were back out near the pool although not in it this time and Tori ruled the scene as the trio went at it with one another. The action was almost exclusively oral this time and the heat was mixed due to chemistry problems. The biggest problem for me here was the camera work zooming in far too often and the weaker than average editing that would take moments of heat and reduce them quickly. There were also problems with lighting and shadows but I'm not going to dissect the multitude of technical flaws since I could write a book about them (for this and the other scenes).

Scene Five: Barbara Dare and April West, taking up the last position as they did one another on a couch as Paul Thomas watched. While not as passionate as her scene with Tori, Barbara seemed very much at ease with her partner, almost as if they had something going off screen though not as brightly burning as her scenes with the others. The playful manner in which they engaged one another pleased me but the technical matters once again lowered the heat (man, anyone could've made porn in the 1980's, yes?). The gals used a few toys this time though and managed to give off some heat despite the inept direction, making me note that Paul Thomas has come a long way since making assembly line porn like this one that succeeded in spite of the technical matter rather than because of them.

Summary: Where The Boys Aren't 1 was worth a rating of Rent It to me due primarily to the technical flaws the production had. I know you can't truly go back and fix them at this point but there were no value adding extras incorporated into the DVD either, something Vivid rarely excludes in their modern releases. I didn't see the point in offering so little in a movie that has netted far more money over the years than it cost to make but I'm not the guy at the company offering repackaged releases for top dollar prices. Still, as a fan favorite from the 1980's, it took a lot of courage to release this one in a day and age where gonzo rules and lesbian action is considered a second class act.

For better choices in porn, check out: 2004's Top Porn List and 2003's Top Porn List.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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