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Milf Cruiser


Studio: Spice Studios » Review by Staff Review » Review Date: 6/27/05



XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

THE SEX

MILF Cruiser is a collection of six semi-related scenes in which a guy (or group of guys) picks up an older lady (okay, not that old, but older than what's standard in porn) for some good, old fashioned fucking. This generally consists of luring the woman into the back of a limo, convincing her to show her tits and maybe give a little head, and then proceeding back to an indoors location where the real hardcore action begins.

Of course, these are all paid performers and everything that happens is scripted (and not very convincingly, I might add), so any worries that the women are actually "tricked" into the situation can be safely set aside and you can sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

The biggest problem with MILF Cruiser, however, is that it just doesn't match up very well with some hotter, better produced titles of the same genre on the market. This one is okay for a one time viewing, but there are no performers here you're going to be rushing back for a second viewing of.

The first performer is Lisa Lee, a blonde-haired English lass who joins Matt Bixel for her scene. She sucks his cock a bit in the back of the limo, and then the two wind up inside on a couch for missionary, doggy, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl and a scene-ending cumshot onto her tongue. Move along, not much else to see here.

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The most recognizable porn star in MILF Cruiser is German blonde Anna Nova, who seemed to be popping up in just about every gonzo video out there the first year she was in the adult industry. Here, she gets into a threesome with Jack Spade and another white male who calls himself "Burke". The scene isn't too bad, but looses what could have been a nice double-facial climax when all Burke can muster from his tool is a dribble or two.

Diane Diamonds is the oldest performer on this DVD at least in her 40's if not her 50's. She's busty which may be the best thing going for her if you're not a fan of older women. That being said, she gives what is perhaps the best performance in the movie, taking on Dino Bravo, Tyler Wood and Matt Bixel in a threesome that ends with a triple facial.

Next we have Faith Grant...an average looking blonde who scores some points by being the only performer in this title to take it up the ass getting anal from both Sergio and Craig Moore in a threesome. This scene also ends with a pair of facials.

MILF Cruiser wraps up with Denise Davis the only brunette in the entire movie. Sadly, Denise is also the heaviest girl on the DVD so much so, that I just couldn't get turned on watching her have sex. There's a line where a girl can be "chubby" and still be cute and a line where a girl crosses over into being obese, and I'm sad to report that Denise is over that line. Even "Burke" (who, by the way, gets my vote for portraying the biggest jerk in the movie...let's hope that was part of the performance and not his real personality) seems less than thrilled that he has to have sex with this woman. The plus side here (no pun intended...okay, maybe it is intended) is that along with Denise's extra pounds comes some very large breasts...so if you love 'em busty, you just may find something to enjoy in MILF Cruiser's final scene.

VIDEO/AUDIO

Both the video and audio are about standard for an adult DVD release. The picture is presented in the full-frame format, and for the most part free of any dirt or defects, although not outstandingly sharp. The audio is in 2.0 Dolby and adequate, although nothing about it really stands out.

THE EXTRAS

The nicest extra here is an 8-minute solo masturbation sequence with a brunette named Anell who is so cute, you'll wish she was part of the main presentation instead of this short solo sequence. The DVD also features a Chapter Selection and a trailer for the title Needy Housewifes, but that's it as far as bonus material goes.

BRIAN'S BOTTOM LINE

Not quite bad enough to recommend missing it altogether, MILF Cruiser still only qualifies as rental material. Neither the premise nor the cast elevates this release above other titles in the same genre. It's worth a look...but probably not much more than that.


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