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Who Wants To Fuck A Millionaire

Studio: Damaged Productions » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 7/13/05

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Who Wants To Fuck A Millionaire

Damaged Productions

Genre: Feature/Compilation

Director: varied by scene

Cast: Rita Faltoyano, Lea DeMae, Monica Sweetheart, Carmen, Daniella Rose, Sandra Russo, Daniella Rush, Andrea, Max Cortes, numerous others in sex and non-sex roles (there were no credits here at all)

Length: 91.5 minutes

Date of Production: 5/2005 (the compilation, not the scenes)

Extra's: The extras were kind of light here with a compilation of the cumshots from the scenes, a few trailers, and a photogallery, along with the usual double sided DVD cover.

Condoms: None

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Audio/Video Quality: Who Wants To Fuck A Millionaire was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as the scenes appeared to be shot by various directors at various times over the years. The scenes sometimes looked like they were part of an edited feature and sometimes part of a loose knit compilation with greatly varying quality. I saw a lot of grain, video noise, compression artifacts, and other visual flaws that marred the heat nearly as much as the occasional use of slow motion and other special effects. It wasn't all bad though yet there seemed to be glaring edits on some scenes that made me really want to see the original to compare the two. The stereo audio was presented in Dolby Digital English but it was a dub track that made the old Godzilla movies I watched as a kid seem practically perfect by comparison. There was also a Spanish dub but it appeared no better in terms of lip synchronization or making sense.

Body of Review: Every once in a while, I get to see a movie that seems like it had potential but something drastic happened to intervene and kill all the sexual heat for me. A company that has had this problem in the past, Damaged Productions, seems to make a habit of it as they will get the rights to a foreign porno, strip out the language track, poorly dub in an English track and some generic music, and then edit the heck out of it (at least that's what it seems like, the possibility exists that the movie was already a piece of crap but it came cheap, for example). The latest such movie is Who Wants To Fuck A Millionaire, a movie that lulled me into a sense of false security because it had the lovely Rita Faltoyano, the beautiful Lea DeMae (rest in peace sweety), and desirable Monica Sweetheart in it. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a sucker for a favored performer so when I saw all three in the same movie, I took a chance and this review is the result of my gamble.

The movie was dubbed to make it look like a feature involving paparazzi chasing beautiful gals having sex with rich men (hence the title) but the production values of the scenes looked substantially different, the cast had little interaction, and the cut away shots couldn't have been more generic. I've seen this approach used a lot in the past (particularly in the late 1980's and early 1990's with performers like Savannah edited into movies and repackaged as brand new releases) but with the advent of the internet, it has become less frequent an occurrence since we all like to share information, much to the chagrin of the production companies (at least the ones putting out junk). Whether the scenes here were all part of an original movie hacked up or several separate movies put together, I can't say for sure but it sure seemed that way.

The sex in the various scenes, using uncredited performers (the partial cast list on the back helped identify a few but some others are well known, even with the airbrushing on the front DVD cover like Rita Faltoyano received to eliminate her moles. The quality of the action varied a lot with even my top three gals seeming to be going through the motions. The technical qualities of the scenes were such that I'm amazed this one was released at all given the amount of flaws that were readily apparent throughout the movie but keep in mind that for me to hate a movie with Rita, Lea, and Monica in it; there must be a whole lot wrong with it. There was oral, vaginal, anal and a bit of DP (double penetration) action going on but the scenes never conveyed a sense of passion, heat or chemistry and there's just too many alternatives on the market to watch lame porn.

Summary: Who Wants To Fuck A Millionaire was more generic than the worst Private ever offered when it went through an expansion several years ago so that alone should tell you "buyer beware". The cast had some major hotties in it but even personal favorites were simply picking up a paycheck this time so I didn't feel the need to list out a pump by pump description of the action, especially when there were no credits, no titles, and no crew listing on the movie. In short, if the company doesn't want to include such things, they're simply banking on fans of the cast mindlessly going out and getting the DVD based on that alone (sadly, much like I did). I hear Damaged Productions has released some interesting porn in the last few months but I must have picked all their bad stuff or perhaps I'm too discriminating in terms of having seen enough decently made movies that simply seeing a few hotties go threw the motions isn't enough to get me off but the end result is that this was a movie only a mother(fucker) could love so just say no and Skip It.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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