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Studio: Private » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 9/5/05

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Masturbatrix: Pirate Fetish Machine 20


Genre: Feature

Director: Frank Thring

Cast: Kathy Anderson, Kathy Blue, Vyona, Karla Romano, Honey Winter, Lara Stevens, Kitty Sixx, Alf, Clark, James Bull, Jon Axe, Lajos, Leslie Brown, Nico, Ricardo Bill, Tamas, Timothy, Frank Thring, Zoltan

Length: 89.5 minutes

Date of Production: 10/15/2004 (box); 12/2004 (credits)

Extra's: The best extra on the DVD was easily the 4 minute Behind The Scenes where Frank Thring and a few of the women readied for a scene. There was also a bunch of trailers, a couple of photogalleries, a single page Production Notes (I prefer when the scenes are broken down by cast and some anecdotes are provided here but you can't win them all), numerous languages and subtitles, and some made up cast biographies.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Masturbatrix: Pirate Fetish Machine 20 was shot in 1.33:1 ratio full frame color by director Frank Thring for Private's fetish line. The fleshtones were solid, the lighting well done, and the shots were almost always complimentary to the women of the movie. On a purely technical level, the movie looked great but the lack of heat from the performers made most of the scenes a chore to watch compared to other fine offerings by the director and company. The stereo audio was the dubbed type that Private often employs when dealing with gals from Hungary (and other countries) with little separation or dynamic range to speak of. In short, the audio was kind of weak and the visuals pretty solid (no compression artifacts either) but neither factored in as the reasons I didn't like the DVD.

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Body of Review: One of the more popular series offered up by Private is their fetish line that showcases gals wearing kinky outfits. The latest in the series is Masturbatrix: Pirate Fetish Machine 20 with a story similar to the one in Volume 19. In short, it was lame in terms of the concept but this being porn, the story wasn't a factor in how much fun it could be. Sadly, it looked like perverted director Frank Thring has had his wings cut from his glory days where he displayed some true heat in the scenes he made. Corporate porn tends to do that and this was but one example of the practice yet here's a breakdown of the scenes by the women and action, noting that no condoms were used and no male credits for the scenes existed:

Scene One: Kathy Anderson, Kathy Blue, and Vyona, were up first in a medical torture scene that showed our two covergals looking hot as they played with Vyona and an uncredited male who were both tied up. The scene soon reverted to the usual oral, vaginal and anal sex without the PVC outfits being as focused on as at the beginning. There was little chemistry between the quartet and precious little heat so the scene fell short for me. On a positive note, there were a few moments when the action looked better but they were scarce enough that I wasn't impressed.

Scene Two: Kathy Anderson, this time in what appeared to be a wedding banquet in a private room, had two men all to herself as they sat at a table. The men wore bowties (shades of Pee Wee Herman!) and gay glitter on their bodies while she wore a wedding dress. Using some bubbly to liven up the taste of their cocks, she blew them as though paid by the hour, jerking them off to get them hard (like a real man would need help getting hard with her in the room!). They gave her some loving too but it looked like the guy wanted to assist her with her secondary oral on the other guy so you know how well that worked for me. The sex itself included a DP (double penetration) after the vaginal and anal bits were done with. The mouth shots were a little light but she looked good during the scene even if it was more about mechanics than passion.

Scene Three: Karla Romano and Honey Winter, were up next in a moodily lit night scene where Karla fell prey to her vampire pal with all the usual lesbian action you'd expect from Private. I liked Honey's outfit although neither of the gals were looking their best here since the overdone make up made them look like clowns. Frank's use of smoke got in the way too but at least the gals seemed to like tasting pussy. It got slightly rougher with the deployment of a large double headed dildo but the scene was also mechanical with lots of fake moaning.

Scene Four: After a short solo scene to distract viewers from the lack of heat in the movie, Lara Stevens and Karla Romano took the show on the road in a circus themed frolic with numerous men. Playing the equivalent of a lion tamer and assistant, the two opened up the cages to provide full access to their body parts. The men wore goofy masks to hide their identities and the women were in what amounts to skimpy circus showman outfits, with the gals dominating the action most of the time. It was actually the first fun scene of the movie with a playfulness lost among the other action so at least I can say it had some replay value. I didn't like the Boy George look of Lara but the oral, vaginal, anal and other sexual tricks gave me pause that Frank had some tricks left up his sleeves. Each took a DP before the facials and your mileage will vary according to how much porn you watch but I liked it.

Scene Five: Kitty Sixx, an attractive blonde with nice curves, was up last in a scene that started off with her masturbating in her car but soon had her joining her male partner for the usual action. Yeah, she could use some dental work and learn a few more passionate ways of doing things but I'd have done her here, with or without the fishnet outfit she wore. It was kind of tame by most standards but she worked for me on some other level with a pretty face to offer for the facial.

Summary: Masturbatrix: Pirate Fetish Machine 20 was a volume in the series that only earned a rating of Skip It. I wanted to like it more than I did but the lack of passion and chemistry between the performers truncated my ability to enjoy the action in all but one case and even the best scene was only fair. In general, I like the fetish apparel worn by the cast but I want something a bit more than that to enjoy a scene; as do many other fans of adult entertainment material. I have found Private to be one of the leaders in porn for years so a title like this really gave me pause that even the mighty can make mistakes.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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