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Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre
Advice: XCritic Pick
This was the opening logo for the DVD
Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre: 3 Disc Extravaganza
Director: Jonathan Morgan
Cast: Stormy Daniels, Tommy Gunn, Jessica Drake, Voodoo, Kinzie Kenner, Scott Nails, Katja Kassin, Rita Faltoyano, Taryn Thomas, Rebecca Love, Manuel Ferrara, Katie Morgan, Kris Slater, Cherokee, Devon Michaels, Randy Spears, Nicole Sheridan, Keri Sable
Non-sex roles by: Mike Horner, others not credited
Length: 151 minutes
Date of Production: 6/30/2005
Extra's: The extras on this massive three disc set are probably the best of ANY release, bar none, in terms of unique related content. The higher budget Pirates main claim to fame in this area was the inclusion of a second, enhanced, copy of the movie but in terms of other content, Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre was much better. Here's a brief description of the content, noting that there have been reports of Easter Eggs that I didn't find all of (yet). The first disc had an excellent audio commentary with Jonathan Morgan, Stormy Daniels, and Eric Masterson going into great detail on some aspects of the movie and generally having a great time. The first Easter Egg was on the upper right hand corner of the sound choices menu with Manuel Ferrara walking around as a crazy man after having sex. The second was on the main menu on the lower middle with Eric, Jessica, and Voodoo arguing. The third was on the scenes menu at the bottom where Jessica looks for blankets but finds something else. The fourth was on the bottom of the second menu scenes section that had the creepy caretaker (Mike Horner) spouting off much more in depth. On disc two, the first, and best, extra was a 49 minute long feature called The Horror: The True Tale of Camp Cuddly Pines which was essentially a behind the scenes look at the making of the movie with lots of footage of the cast and crew discussing the details. It was filmed by Mark Stone and was very well handled, making it very entertaining for fans of the cast (and director Jonathan Morgan). The following extra was a nearly 6 minute long short Casting the Victims where numerous performers read for the role of Megan, which eventually went to Jessica Drake. It was funny watching the gals without their make up trying to get the role but I think Jonathan made a good choice for the role, even though she was a contract gal at the company. This was followed by a 4 minute long Scouting A Massacre feature where Jonathan hit the road to find suitable spots to film the movie. There was then a short animated bit based on the internet creation Betty Bangs called Stormy Bangs Betty with a making of feature for it. You can see the picture below that tells you far better than words as to what it was all about.
Betty Bangs Meets Stormy Daniels; a cute pairing from the internet show
The second set of extras on disc two was also pretty cool starting off with a nearly 8 minute long Blooper Reel and trivia game starring Keri Sable. Most fans, myself included, will appreciate the 43 minutes worth of extra footage from the camera Eric Masterson wielded during the movie as it helped complete some scenes and offered up a great idea for future releases by the company (whether they reprise the character or try something similar, I'd like to see it again). The same holds true for the 47.5 minute long Behind the Scenes Sex Reel as it helped flesh out the sex, ending with Keri's anal action in the last scene. The final extra on the second disc was the trailer for the movie; a very well edited piece of work that conveys the sense of absurd the movie was trying for.
The third disc of extras didn't use a lot of filler material either. First off, knowing that the sex scenes were somewhat short to work well in the movie, Jonathan wisely offered up extended versions on this disc. Scene Three, the asylum scene, was extended to almost 27 minutes long; the Well Scene (Scene Seven) was extended to 22.5 minutes; the Cabin Scene (Scene Eight) clocked in at nearly 20 minutes (and looked better too); and the Sheriff Scene (Scene Six) was extended to over 19 minutes. Each of the extended scenes worked better outside of the scope of the movie but I wish branching technology could've been employed to allow fans to see them added into the main feature, even if it meant breaking up the movie itself onto two discs or using the double layer method (which adds problems) to accomplish it. There were also two bonus scenes, one from Secrets of the Velvet Ring and the other from The Collector; the first starring Stormy and the second with Jessica (both were good). Another scene added in was the Outtake scene between Keri Sable and Eric Masterson. It was the first take of the scene, a blowjob only scene, rather than the much better scene eventually used in the movie itself. Her oral skills were better here but that's all she did this time (over 8 minutes worth). Next up were an amazing 24 photogalleries; one for each gal, one for each scene, a BTS, and one for the production itself (wow!). I'm not a fan of photogalleries but this was outstanding with a lot to like on many of them. There were five sets of Star Stats for the women most frequently in Wicked Pictures movies, ten more trailers, easy to find Easter Eggs "Herr Director" that showed Jonathan mugging for the cast (for about 43 seconds), "Top of the Food Chain" where bugs get in the way of the shooting of the scenes, "Porn Physics" where Voodoo discusses his theories of antigravity, "True Talent" where Eric uses his penis as a coat rack, and "Top The Over" showing Voodoo getting hammered in arm wrestling contests and whining about his weak wrists, four promotional reels from past years, the usual DVD Rom features like the Casino game, awards and nominations feature, desktop pictures, a company profile, and some links to Wicked Picture's website, and seven years worth of Wicked Pictures movies in catalog form. Lastly, there was a bit of spam and the fold out case that had a cardboard protective sleeve. If that's not a comprehensive set of extras to some of you, nothing will ever be.
Audio/Video Quality: Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre was presented in the same 16:9 anamorphic widescreen that it was shot in by director Jonathan Morgan for release by Wicked Pictures. Given the nature of the movie, containing almost all scenes at night with minimal lighting, my biggest concern was that it would look grainy and riddled with video noise. While there were times when this was true, the overall quality of the visuals was very exceptional here. The fleshtones were accurate, the composition of the scenes was almost always favorable to the female cast members, and the various special effects employed didn't detract from the picture. While I'd prefer a comedy shot in the daylight to eliminate the visual defects, it looked nearly as good as, if not better, than the movies it was making fun of in most cases. I saw no compression artifacts either. The audio was presented with four choices outside of the audio commentary; the standard 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround English track, a similarly encoded track that maximized the vocals and another than maximized the music score with the fourth being a German track I liked this idea a whole lot and think that Wicked Pictures should be congratulated for offering such a choice. There was some separation between the channels but most of the time, it wasn't like a true 5.1 track so much as some 2.0 vocals and music. Still, an improvement is an improvement and all the vocals could be heard on the appropriate tracks with some well made music too.
Body of Review: Jonathan Morgan has long been the kind of director that offers more than just people screwing in a porno; he offers the whole package instead. While this occasionally causes some of his peers to fuss about not having the same resources to make quality movies, the fact is that he routinely delivers the goods where others fail. From the wonderful Double Feature and its sequel, to Hercules and Space Nuts, there is no area of mainstream movies that Jonathan hasn't been able to parody better than anyone else in porn (and often in mainstream). Today's review is on his shot at making fun of the woefully lame horror market, Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, where Jonathan and crew pulled out all stops to pick at most horror releases of the past twenty years or so (I'm not a horror buff but even I recognized many of them), such as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ring, the Freddy movies and a whole lot of others. If you've seen the Scary Movie series, you'll have an idea of what he was looking to offer, oftentimes easily trashing that series with better material.
Starring Stormy Daniels, Jessica Drake, Eric Masterson, and Tommy Gunn, the show took a look at a group of dopey teenagers' enroute to a Metallicide concert (avoiding real band names to keep out of legal trouble). They hit a stranger ala I Know What You Did Last Summer and the screams (or howls) of laughter begin. With tremendous extras and lots of fuck for the buck, this was the best comedy in porn to date and a darn fine movie as well, released just in time to compete with other blockbuster releases such as Pirates by the tag team duo of Digital Playground and Adam & Eve. Here's a quick look at the scenes for those of you not smart enough to already have a copy of this advertised "3 Disc Extravaganza", noting that I've already heard of parties set up where the movie was the center point of discussion, with friends all sitting around and picking out the clichés and movies the material was an homage to:
Ahh the joys of going to a concert with a group of sexually active friends
Scene One: Stormy Daniels, the hot blonde Wicked Pictures contract star featured on the left hand side of the front DVD cover, and studly Tommy Gunn, were first to get it on in the back of the van while likeminded hotty Jessica Drake, (the gal standing next to Stormy on the cover with the red wig on and white t-shirt), and Voodoo did one another. In some ways, it almost seemed like a contest between the two couples as they sucked and vaginally fucked, swapping partners midway through the scene. The oral was slow and sweet with the guys popping off fairly quickly once the boning began.
Scene Two: Kinzie Kenner, a cutie made up in a classic 1950's style with sweater and skirt, was up next with mask wearing Scott Nails (it looked appropriate on him), on a couch circa 1958. They petted and she gave a remarkably advanced blowjob considering the lack of quality porn available back then, even using the patented Stormy Daniels corkscrew hand action I like so much. Her look was refreshing and sweet but he was more interested in popping a nut after screwing that tight young pussy of hers as they were watched from outside the window. She was actively participating as she rode him and that added some nice heat to the scene in my eyes. It ended when she jerked him off into her mouth.
Scene Three: Katja Kassin, Rita Faltoyano, Taryn Thomas, and Rebecca Love were up next in the insane asylum as they all stripped Manuel Ferrara down to his birthday suit and used him like a slavering man-whore. Katja wasn't looking her best (as the role demanded) but the action was exceptionally heated with a lot of passion as the gals worked him over nicely. The majority of the scene was oral with very nice vaginal but none of the expected anal (Rita and Katja are among the best in the world when it comes to anal queens). This was a scene begging to be handled as an extended version in the extras section, with all the trimmings, but aside from some taste testing and facials at the end, it fell short of the potential. For a better version of the action, go to the extras disc where you'll get to see far more action by these hotties.
Rita Faltoyano had a great time with her asylum friends
Scene Four: Katie Morgan, the cute blonde gal with the high pitched voice some of you may have seen featured on a recent HBO special, was up next in a scene by the lake on a pier with Kris Slater. The timeline was listed as 1985 and she tried her best to speak in the vernacular of the day as they gave each other head and screwed with abandon. I may think her implants are overdone but she's definitely someone to keep an eye on for her great scenes.
Katie Morgan gets better with every scene
Scene Five: Cherokee, one of the hottest brunettes of the movie, came to muscular Tommy Gunn, in order to warn him of impending doom. Thankfully, she also showed him that her sexual skills were as good as the day she entered porn with her very talented oral starting off the pairing. Fans of small but muscular gals will know her gymnast body from a mile away but I included a shot of her glowing in anticipation of the heap big dick she was going to receive from him. This was another oral and vaginal scene that would've benefited with some additional length as the two seemed turned on by one another. With chemistry like this, the action's heat was a given.
Cherokee was a nice addition to the cast
Scene Six: Devon Michaels, the busty beauty wearing an outfit that would make the original Daisy Duke proud, was up next as sheriff Randy Spears took care of her sassing him with a little heated sex play at night by the lake. Fans of tig old bitties will likely find her nearly as appealing as Stormy but she added her own flavor to the movie with some nice oral and active boning. The car hood looked uncomfortable but she carried on like a champion, taking Randy's large load to her tongue well enough (leaving a semen goatee too).
Devon Michaels didn't need a flotation device at the lake
Scene Seven: Nicole Sheridan, looking like a brain eating zombie as she popped out of the well, forced Voodoo to do what he called "the spooky creepy chick". That the couple is a couple in real life is cool enough for me since they always seem to give balls to the walls performances but the added thrill of freezing night time scene added something too. She was as limber as ever as she rode his cock in her sweet pussy and it ended with her taking the load to the face. They've been better elsewhere but like the other scenes, the story worked well with the action.
The killer clown is coming for YOU!
Scene Eight: Jessica Drake, made to look less attractive by virtue of the wig, make up, and setting, still seemed to come off as sexually heated as she took care of wimpy Eric Masterson, in the deserted shack at night. This scene was particularly well shot as he used the handheld camera to get a lot of POV (point of view) footage to add into the more professionally shot material. The blowjob she gave him was a nice prelude to the boning by the moonlit covered window. It was especially hot when she fingered her ass while he screwed her pussy, with her doing some PTM as she coaxed him along. In all; it was one of the best scenes of the movie (the extended footage and bonus version of the scene was fantastic).
Jessica Drake looked great despite the wig
Scene Nine: Stormy Daniels, stoking the fires with her hot cheerleader look (pink sweater and skirt), was comforted by Eric Masterson after a negative encounter with Sheriff Randy. This was another short scene that had oral and vaginal only with limited positions but I doubt if I could've lasted very long with her under those circumstances either. Stormy's comments on the audio commentary spoke volumes as to the quality of the scene though and it was nice to see her sexually active one last time in the movie.
Stormy Daniels plays nice with lawman Randy Spears but not too nice
Scene Ten: Keri Sable, looking exceptionally fine in a skimpy dress in a hotel room that was well lit, came off as a slutty babe as she proposed making a porn scene called "Katie's Anal Adventures..In Her Ass" with studly Eric Masterson. This was another opportunity where he got to add in some POV footage and her clueless nature was amusing to say the least. I've never thought of her as the best gal at Wicked Pictures (she's way too skinny for me) but as she gains some experience and adds a few pounds to her curves, I think she's going to work out just fine given the quality of scenes like this one. She gave good head and took his rod vaginally before a technical DP. It ended when she jerked out the last load of the flick onto her face and mouth.
Keri Sable had plenty of uses for that tongue of hers
Summary: Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre was as amazing a DVD release as you're going to find. If Wicked Pictures could've used branching technology to allow for fans to replace the standard sex scenes with their extended counterparts, I think there'd be no question that it was the best porno available at this time. Even without that feature, it was the best comedy (remember that I'm not a horror fan either) in porn and pretty well matched for any other release on the market otherwise. With the absolute best extras you'll find and a solid cast of hotties, I found myself rating this one as a DVD Talk Collector's Series title without reservation. I spent hours and hours watching the movie and the extras yet there was still a bunch of replay value for me. The raincoaters out there will even find the extended scenes far better than any of the other real contenders for best feature sex and I was amazed at the thoroughness of the 3 disc set. In short, Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre set the standard of comedy porn so high that nothing even comes close in terms of fuck for the buck, fantastic extras, and heated sex with gorgeous women. I hope director Jonathan Morgan is given the opportunity to make a few more of these a year given how superior an effort this one was on so many levels.
You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon