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Ass Pumpers

Studio: Bad Seed » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 11/7/05

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Ass Pumpers with Katja Kassin

Bad Seed/Adam & Eve

Genre: Anal

Director: Brett Maverick

Cast: Kody Coxx, Rick Masters, Lauren Phoenix, Naudia Nyce, Billy Glide, Katja Kassin, Melissa Lauren, Tommy Gunn, Nikki Hunter, Jassie, Alexa (bonus scene only)

Length: 91 minutes

Date of Production: 6/13/2005 (box); 6/2/2005 (credits)

Extra's: There were actually two bonus scenes where no anal took place but one of them was included in the running time of the DVD. That made the movie very short and the bonus scenes (described below) were nothing worth discussing at length) with the inclusion of a photogallery, Free Speech Coalition commercial and cardboard protective sleeve really didn't add a lot of value for me.

Condoms: One

Audio/Video Quality: Ass Pumpers with Katja Kassin was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as directed by Brett Maverick for release by Bad Seed (a subsidiary of Adam & Eve). The lighting was off and the visual aspects of the movie weren't anything to write home about. This was generic porn done on a shoe string budget with lots of editing and weak composition of the camera angles. The gals almost never looked their best here and I saw a fair amount of video noise and compression artifacts this time. The 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo audio was fairly weak too although I could hear the vocals well enough and found there to be no significant separation between the channels.

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Body of Review: Not having seen every porno made in the last 30 years, I can't strictly claim if a title is the worst available on the market but I have a pretty good idea of the difference between good porn and bad porn; irrespective of personal tastes in gals, sex acts, and settings. Today's review of Ass Pumpers with Katja Kassin was one of the weaker titles I've watched for reviewing and while there were some okay scenes (one even making it to the level of "good"), most of the action was weaker than expected given the quality of the cast. Here's a quick look at the scenes, keeping in mind that the fuck for the buck quotient was mighty low here and there really wasn't a lot to enjoy repeatedly:

Scene One: Kody Coxx, a twenty year old whose ass was featured on the lower left hand corner of the front DVD cover, was up first as she walked along a corridor to arrive at a bed for her scene with Rick Masters. Brett kept playing with her until Rick took over, showing off Kody's ass and other body parts before she slobbed his knob. Granted, she may not be the best looking gal in porn but she did manage to show some enthusiasm when working over his meat pipe, doing some vaginal before the anal too. Unfortunately, the edits cut away too often and abruptly which made the scene lose some of the appeal that wasn't already lost when she allowed him to do all the work. She did take a decent facial but the scene lacked heat for me.

Scene Two: Lauren Phoenix, the well known anal queen, was up next in a scene that started when underway with Rick Masters. She's a cutie that doesn't look as old as her claimed age of 25 but despite her sexual skill, she seemed kind of distant and nonchalant this time. There was oral by Rick and it was kind of mechanical though she went straight into doing anal after it. Fans of gaping asses will appreciate that she gave a show here too. It ended after a few positions when she took the facial. I like her body of work in most instances but this was not among her better scenes by a long shot.

Scene Three: Naudia Nyce, a 23 year old brunette that looks a lot like Belladonna with more curves, was up next in a bedroom scene with Billy Glide. She's not the barn burner of anal sex compared to a few of the other gals but her skills are respected by those in the know so I looked forward to watching her here. There was a short blowjob, a few minutes of vaginal and then some anal where he easily plugged away into her rectum. She wasn't very active during the anal part of the scene and the action would best be described as fitting for fans only. I had hoped she'd be in top form but this simply wasn't the case here.

Scene Four: Katja Kassin, a 24 year old hotty from Germany with neon red hair, was up next as she gave the camera a little striptease. Sadly, she wasn't dancing or gyrating to music; just stripping her clothes off in a mechanical manner while Brett felt her up. If that wasn't a waste of natural resources, nothing was although her ass looked incredible to me. Billy Glide was her partner too and he went right to her ass crack as he sucked her off handily. She gave a decent blowjob as he continued to play with her (in a 69 position act) on the bed until it was time to ride him without a transitional shot. Right in the ass is where the dick landed and it wasn't bad but I've seen this premium grade anal queen burn up the screen so I wasn't enthusiastic about the rest of the movie getting better. At least it ended with a decent load to her lovely face.

Scene Five: Melissa Lauren, wearing her bleached blonde hair on a bed, gave a French lesson before having sex in the following scene. Tommy Gunn was her studly partner and he seemed to appreciate getting in on some French cuisine with her giving as well as she took from him. She allowed all three holes to be violated and her throaty gasping for air worked well enough for me. It took Tommy a bit of time to enter her ass but once he got moving, he hammered away like a champion and she met his every stroke. She did ATM (ass to mouth) and the scene wasn't bad at all although she too has been better elsewhere.

Scene Six: Nikki Hunter, another bleached blonde with great curves was up next on a pool table as she teased Brett by "sucking his balls" (not his testicles, just the pool table type) as she discussed her sexual history and masturbated. Billy Glide was her partner too and after some oral loving, the couple went to boning as though they were on fire. While not my favorite anal queen in porn, she has long established that she enjoys what she does and this scene was probably the best in terms of offering up a performer working on their strengths. She was the one who most actively road the cock in her ass and took the facial with glee, almost saving the DVD from a terrible rating due to her scene.

Scene Seven: Jassie, a very lean gal with freckles on a pool table, claimed to be 21 years old in this scene that was billed as a bonus scene (I think Bad Seed must've swapped out bonus scenes at the last moment of mastering the DVD). With a short interview to start things off, she had Tommy Gunn on a mattress in no time with the couple following the formula quite closely. Her oral was the best part of the scene and I guess the scene was labeled as a bonus scene when she wouldn't do anal. Pass it up.

Bonus Scene: Tres Equis: Alexa, a raven haired gal with a nice body, did naughty things with Billy Glide on a mattress. The sex was strictly oral and vaginal but aside from the use of a condom, most of you will appreciate the energy they displayed, if not the weaker than average technical values.

Summary: Ass Pumpers with Katja Kassin was worth a rating of Skip It since only Nikki Hunter's scene had any replay value. The running time of the movie, even including the non-anal bonus scene with Jassie, was about 90 minutes and the extras were definitely nothing special. This level of fuck for the buck stands in the face of the recent collaboration between Digital Playground and Adam & Eve, Pirates, that set the world on fire so spend a couple extra bucks and get a winner rather than this dog of a release.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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