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Seymore Butts' Butt Pirates Of The Caribbean

Studio: Seymore Butts » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/12/05

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Seymore Butts' Butt Pirates of the Caribbean

Seymore Butts Home Movies/Pure Play Media

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Seymore Butts

Cast: Flower Tucci, Tee Reel, Samantha Ryan, Mari Possa, Amber Peach, Herschel Savage, Kurt Lockwood, Seymore Butts

Length: 119 minutes

Date of Production: 7/25/2005

Extra's: The extras were decent this time with a fun 17.5 minute long Behind the Scenes being the best of them. It had the cast on display as the scenes were set up (kind of dispelling the myth that the sex is unstaged), the cast frolicked about, and Seymore obtained the footage he needed to complete the movie. There were also some trailers, a photogallery, a text biography of Mari Possa, and some spam for various things.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Butt Pirates of the Caribbean was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color it was shot in by director Seymore Butts. While his works are often technically limited in terms of lighting, grain, and other visual flaws, he wisely spent a lot of time outside for this movie and that helped a lot. Three of the scenes were shot outside and they looked grain free with no video noise. The other two scenes didn't look as good due to Seymore's reality TV style shooting (adding in all sorts of grain and minor problems). The composition of the scenes varied a lot too with the camerawork shakier than it should have been in almost all the scenes. There's an argument that suggests this makes it all look "real" as in unstaged or as if Seymore mindlessly walks into the scenes but we all know better and that detracts from the otherwise fun sex he offers up. There were no observed compression artifacts so at least the DVD mastering was solid. The 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English audio track was okay with no separation between the channels and limited dynamic range. Due to the location of the majority of scenes, there was a substantial amount of background noise, the most distracting being when I'd hear laughing by the onlookers who didn't seem to be all that worked up at the sex being displayed for their amusement.

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Body of Review: Pirates was the largest release of the season this year as an homage to the Johnny Depp movie that has set the porn world on fire. As with other such hits, smaller companies try to offer up shows with similar names in order to capitalize on the bigger titles and that seemed to be the case with the latest reality porno on the market, Seymore Butts' Butt Pirates of the Caribbean. Shot mostly in St. Maarten, the show was simply another one of Seymore's series of vignettes starring his regular cast members in action in the tropical locale. Several of the scenes were far better looking than average for Seymore but he's offered better previously and the main star of the cast in terms of screen time was chunky Amber Peach; not his most appealing gal over the years. Mari Possa was looking good but stuck largely with oral and lesbian antics so that didn't help matters any with the lovely Samantha Ryan given too little to do in most cases. That said, here's a look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that condoms weren't used:

Scene One: Serve Grapes: Flower Tucci, one of the top three anal queens in porn these days, began the show by sunbathing in the midday sun by the pool. I hated her cornrow hair style but partner Tee Reel didn't care one bit as the two boned on the bed when Seymore walked in on them. The scene was well underway by this time and his dick was plunging deep inside her pussy as she actively rode him in cowgirl position. This led to some heated PTM (pussy to mouth) and anal (or course) where she really shined. She did her squirt routine all over the bed (when I was a kid, "squirting all over the bed meant sleeping in my own piss) a few times and then engaged in some ATM (ass to mouth). They did some more vaginal and oral before he unloaded a large load to her face. Flower was the best sex worker of the movie and her skills were unparalleled but it was her energy, chemistry, and passion that made this the best scene for me.

Scene Two: Finally Here: Samantha Ryan, a cute blonde with a lean body, and brunette Mari Possa were up next in the luxurious pool in the midday sun. This was a lesbian only scene with all the usual trimmings of oral and fingering but also lots of toys so it worked out well. They took the show out of the pool part way through but even Seymore's shaky handling of the camera was interesting when he shot some of the footage underwater. The gals contributed by doing technical DPs with the toys and showing how much they liked one another but I would've preferred to see Seymore jump in somewhere during the scene. Still, the gals had chemistry and even if they overacted at times, I liked watching them (nothing against Mari but Samantha looked substantially cuter to me though fans of gals with few limits will like Mari better).

Scene Three: Out on the Town: Amber Peach, Samantha Ryan, Mari Possa, Herschel Savage, and Kurt Lockwood, were up next in a scene taking place at a public club. Essentially, they were allowed a cordoned off area to shoot while the other patrons watched them go at it (something you don't see that often in porn). Public orgies are interesting by virtue of their location alone although most of the patrons grew bored with watching the scene from the limited amount they were in the shots and I could see why; the biggest emphasis was on oral sex, not even great oral sex, and that's been done to death. Amber did become the focal point of the action by taking a dick in her pussy and ass (one at a time) but she needed some time in the gym to tone up and I'd rather have watched Samantha (or even Mari) doing more of the screwing (there was some of that). In all, the scene didn't live up to the potential of the location and cast but it was fun enough as a change of pace if nothing else.

Scene Four: Waking Up: Mari Possa, wearing nothing but her shoes, woke Seymore Butts up as he lay out on a lounge chair overlooking the scenic ocean. He seemed out of it but willing to forgive her since she started blowing him with her usual skill, enjoying every slurp of his shaft. Using her mouth, hands and eye contact, she milked out an okay load from him in this playful, oral-only scene.

Scene Five: Club Bliss: Mari Possa and Amber Peach closed out the movie with yet another lesbian scene, this time at a local club called Club Bliss. They were on a large lounging area resembling a bed in plain view of the pool and other club goers but it was similar to the second scene with less chemistry. They used a vibrator and bottles (beer and wine) jammed inside each other (anal bottle jamming has never really been a turn on for me) along with the usual oral tricks to get each other off. Like the other scenes, Amber did little for me and in a movie touting itself as "1000% hardcore anal fun", I'd kind of expect more meat inside the anal cavities of the female cast members. Maybe if Mari had taken some meat in the movie, I'd have been more interested in it too but save for Flower's active romp, there was little worth enjoying more than a time or two.

Summary: Butt Pirates of the Caribbean was big on location but typically weak on passionate sex. That the crowds in a few scenes treated the spectacle as laughable said a lot about the respective scenes but even a casual glance at the action will tell you that this one ran low on steam. If you excised out the oral footage of the scenes, there'd be precious little worth watching outside of Flower Tucci's warm scene for many of us and the public sex aspect wasn't enough on its own to elevate those scenes in my book. Still, for Flower alone it was worth a rating of Rent It and perhaps that scene will find its way into the next compilation offered up by Seymore and company. In the interest of fairness though, this volume in the Seymore Butts' saga might be best viewed as an introductory primer for those who haven't watched a lot of porn though long time fans of the director (at least honest ones) will want to pass it up as lighter action than usual.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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