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Unreal Sex

Studio: Metro » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/17/05

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Unreal Sex

Bad Ass Pictures/Metro Interactive

Genre: Gonzo, Compilation

Director: Skeeter Kerkove

Cast: Bridgette Kerkove, Mark Ashley, Chris, Aurora Snow, Sammy, Missy Monroe, Mark Ashley, Jayna Oso, Ashley Blue, Trent Tesoro, Flick Shagwell, Erik Everhard, Manuel Ferrara, Little Bit, Bad Bob, Benjamin Brat, Julie Night, Austin O'Riley, Lee Stone, Joel Lawrence
Note: There were no credits in the movie at all and the cast list on the cover was inaccurate at best, almost as if it were a deliberate attempt to mislead.

Length: 179 minutes

Date of Production: 12/23/2003 (box); 8/5/2001 to 12/23/2003 (credits)

Extra's: The only extras were some trailers and spam.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Unreal Sex was presented in the same 1.33:1 ratio full frame color the scenes were shot in by Skeeter Kerkove for release by Metro under the Bad Ass label. The scenes were okay looking; nothing special but better than many others in the vignette field too. The lighting varied a fair amount, making the scenes look a bit over saturated some of the time and a bit washed out other times. The composition of the shots showed Skeeter before he learned his craft as he learned what worked and what didn't; making this a good DVD for seeing his growth as a director (at least if they had credited the scenes from where they were originally shot). There weren't any compression artifacts but again, it was run of the mill in most ways too. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo but aside from the opening music for each scene sounding like someone deaf mixed it, the vocals were okay.

Body of Review: Compilations are best sold to fans when advertised as such, not packaged to make them look like all new scenes, and today's review of Unreal Sex reminded me of the days of old when you couldn't trust the content of the movie by the box cover you looked at in the video store. The scenes were all shot years ago and some on the cover weren't in the movie. The quality of the scenes varied so much that I wasn't impressed with them and even though the movie clocked in at almost three hours, there wasn't enough to enjoy wading through the filler material this time. Here's a quick look at the scenes with a few guesses on name identities if you're still interested:

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Scene One: Bridgette Kerkove, the gal on the front DVD cover and "credited" director, was up first on a bed with Mark Ashley and Chris. They filled her three holes with little regard for anything but getting off, having her slob their knobs in a messy sort of way before taking it in her well worn other holes. She did a DP with them and while there was no chemistry between them, they did a competent job of boning before the camera.

Scene Two: Aurora Snow, looking very much younger than she does these days (indicating the scene was shot long ago), wore some short blue jean shorts and a red & white checkered top as she had a scene on a couch with "Sammy" (I think it was her old boyfriend Jay). They did all the usual tricks, including oral, vaginal and anal with ATM; showing some chemistry and passion but the scene cut short and that pissed me off.

Scene Three: Missy Monroe, or someone that looked very much like her when she started in porn, and Mark Ashley, were up next in the bed. Playing as "Harry and Trish", the couple was introduced by Skeeter with her wearing white stockings and top with a blue plaid skirt to tease him with. She licked his nipples and sucked his cock before he banged her pussy and ass but she showed some hesitation in the act at first (she showed a large gape too). It ended with a facial as most of the scenes did but it really didn't do much for me.

Scene Four: Jayna Oso, or at least someone with a passing similarity to her, was up next in tight shorts and a patterned top as Jay (from scene 2) rubbed her to readiness. This led to a blowjob and the usual sexual antics that weren't bad but they weren't anything special either. In the anal, he did all the work and it was boring to me.

Scene Five: Ashley Blue, in an early scene in her career, teased by the outdoor pool in her skimpy outfit with her all natural body. I know she's won awards for her girl next door looks combined with a majorly slutty attitude but this wasn't her best work. Skeeter introduced her to Trent Tesoro inside the living room as she claimed to be 18 years old (and on his birthday) so he proceeded to spank her by the black leather couch. This led to him rubbing her pussy and sticking his dick in her mouth, with the usual vaginal sex after the blowjob. She was fun with giving head, even in her silly party hat, and he fucked her throat before tearing into that pussy and ass of hers. She did a lot of taste testing, ATM in particular, and this was probably the best scene of the movie in most (if not all) ways.

Scene Six: Flick Shagwell, wearing black hair and looking very lean, was up next as she teased by the outdoor walkway near the pool. This led to a scene with both Erik Everhard and Manuel Ferrara as Skeeter introduced them as her presents for her 19th birthday party. They were infatuated with her although Erik looked really lean and ill this time. Sexually, they did everything I expected, including oral, vaginal, anal and a DP but she seemed to be taking what they offered more than actively participating. It ended when they popped loads onto her gaping ass with flies buzzing around.

Scene Seven: Little Bit, a homely but lean version of Bridgette, wore some lingerie as she smoked and pranced about during some tease footage. This led to her being presented by Skeeter in a plastic comforter bag (dangerous!) and offered up to Bad Bob and Benjamin Brat on the couch. She demanded some dick and they gave it to her with each guy taking one end of her to work initially. They then took her out of the bag and forced her on her knees for better positioning of the oral with her spitting on them to show her slutty side. They did all the usual tricks and eventually got around to a DP but the scene bugged me from the start and I derived no pleasure from it.

Scene Eight: Julie Night, Austin O'Riley, and the massive Lee Stone, were up next as they engaged in sex by the outdoor pool. He was too large for them to get totally in their mouths so they focused on the top portion of his shaft and balls to begin the scene. The oral led to more but they took the show inside for that as they held their legs in the air for him to have easier access to in licking their pussies and asses. The gals enjoyed tasting one another as he moved around to screw them as well, which helped elevate the scene a bit but it was mostly mechanical in nature. That both gals did anal was cool but while the scene had some high points, the overall impression I got was this was fun to shoot but didn't look quite right on the DVD.

Scene Nine: Last up was a skinny blonde that I simply couldn't identify as she walked into the Metro office. While I took some guesses on many of the other cast members, she was the one I couldn't venture a guess about; especially since the cover credits were so wrong to start off with. In any case, she teased the camera (which was in voyeur mode as though the screen were the viewfinder) and masturbated in the warehouse before Joel Lawrence and Erik Everhard took over the use of her body. She was another no holes barred gal and they screwed her mouth, pussy, and ass with a DP for good measure but she seemed to view them as inconsequential and that killed it for me.

Summary: Unreal Sex was worth a Skip It unless you're in the market for a generic compilation of scenes by Skeeter Kerkove. He's done so much better in recent years that you'll want to blow this one off. I hope future compilations are labeled as such and given proper credits.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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